Top 20 Best Number One Hits Of The 2000s (Part 1)

     And now our journey of ripping off TheDoubleAgent continues as we take a look at what I consider to be the top 20 best number one hits of the 2000s. I don't have any sort of preamble this time around, so if you wanna see what I think of this year in terms of hits, number ones in particular, go back and read the opening paragraph of part one of my worst list. All I'll say is that I really fucking enjoy all of these songs, and in my opinion, they're all incredible. Enough playing around. Let's begin.

20

     Alright, I know I've talked multiple times on my blog about how this artist is a mixed bag and have been primarily focused on a lot of her bad songs, so how about for a change of pace we look at what is easily the best thing she released pre-2010.

20) Song: Disturbia

      Artist: Rihanna

      Year It Was #1: 2008

          Now here is a true masterpiece. From her beginning, Rihanna showed real promise. From incredibly fun dance songs like Pon de Replay and S.O.S. to ballads like Unfaithful, which are......okay(?), this girl just oozed potential, and it all came to fruition in 2007 when Umbrella was released, and her material took a darker, honestly more awesome turn. I was seriously torn between putting either this or Umbrella on the list, but in the end, this one won out, and for good reason because this song is fucking epic. First off, this beat is goddamn monumental. It's wild yet controlled, dark yet fun, chaotic yet incredibly full of catchy and enjoyable melodies. This is calculated in all of the right ways. Then we have RiRi herself, and her vocals are just on point. Just the right vocal effects come in at just the right time, and she has the perfect balance between haunting and energetic. Lyrically, the foreboding feeling of something lurking in the night and coming to take one over on its own is a clever idea, and to say that the execution was wonderful would be an understatement. This song packs the sort of punch that makes songs like Bad Romance and Everybody (Backstreet's Back) work: being creepy and ominous yet energetic and enjoyable. Oh, and you can't tell me that those "bum bum de bum bum bum de bum bum's" aren't some of the most ear-wormy vocal snippets you've ever heard. Overall, yeah, this song is just a blast to listen to, and it definitely shows what Rihanna is capable of when her, her producers, and her writers put in the effort required to make a good song. Not a lot to say, really. Let's move on.

19

     Oh hey, P!nk's on the list. On top of that, it's pre-2012, post-2000 P!nk. And I have no qualms with that whatsoever.

19) Song: So What

      Artist: P!nk

      Year It Was #1: 2008

     I've always liked P!nk. She had a shaky beginning in 2000 with crap like Most Girls and There You Go, but the moment she hit us with Missundaztood in 2001, she proved that she was a force to be reckoned with, and she remained that way releasing great song after great song, all the way up until 2012 when that streak hit a brick wall with The Truth About Love. This is definitely a highlight of that streak. So What is considered P!nk's best single to date by so many people, and it's not hard to see why. For starters, the instrumentation is absolutely incredible. The jagged guitar riff and stomping backing drums make for this really awesome feel, and they complement P!nk's rougher vocal tones extraordinarily well. And have I ever mentioned how great P!nk is at emoting? I swear, at least 99.9% of the time, her performance is just raw, unfiltered, and full of raw, unfettered feeling. If she's happy, you'll know she's happy. If she's heartbroken, you'll know she's heartbroken. If she's furious, you'll know she's furi-I think you get the point here. Here, she's a combination of the latter two. She's dealing with the emotional baggage while at the same time trying to convince the audience that she's doing just fine without him whilst completely eviscerating how much of a terrible partner he was to her. For the most part, she starts out pretty convincing in all her anger and frustration, but as the song goes on and she constantly repeats how so over him she says she is as well as how fragile her voice gets toward the end, she subtly reveals that she secretly still is thinking about him and all the hurt and frustration he put her through. Therein lies the genius, though: unlike most other songs where this would be a problem because of how unconvincing the whole "I'm not thinking about you" attitude would be *cough*Sam Hunt*cough*, the fact that it's unconvincing is the point of this song. It's a song about how she puts on this front and acts like she's okay, but really, she isn't, and she desperately wants us to see that, and that is just brilliant. Fantastic song, how she makes more like thi......oh, that's right she later went on to make this:

and this:

and...ugh...this:

 and......uuuuuuuggggghhhhh.........this:

OH GOD FUCKING DAMMI-

18

     We all have songs we consider "forgotten gems." Case & point:

18) Song: Stutter

      Artist: Joe feat. Mystikal

      Year It Was #1: 2001

     For the uninitiated, this is Joe, an R&B singer from the late 90s and early 2000s who's material I would classify, for the most part, as being good but not great. Much like Alicia Keys, a lot of his stuff is passable without really sticking in the brain all that well. Unlike Alicia Keys, however, he doesn't really have a dud like No One or Girl On Fire, or at least not in terms of the singles he's been on that have made year-end lists, and this song right here, the Double Take remix of Stutter, is absolutely incredible. One thing Joe has always had a knack for was singing with a lot of passion and making you buy in to the emotions he's trying to sell, and here is no different. In this song, he can tell his girl has been cheating on him through various details laden throughout the song: she isn't answering her phone, lying about going to the club with her girlfriends, her messed up clothes and makeup, and most importantly, when he questions her about all of this, she hesitates by, what else, stuttering. All of this is pretty damning evidence, and Joe could've easily made this song go downhill by needlessly and mercilessly berating and slamming her for all she's done and made himself look bad in the situation as well. However, he doesn't go that route and instead opts for a more emotionally torn performance where he expresses his frustration and disappointment in someone he really did think he could trust. See, this is why songs like this work in spades and songs like Mentirosa fail miserably. In the latter, yes, the girl was in the wrong in that song as well, but Mellow Man Ace thoughout the song made himself look like a braying jackass and turned the whole thing into just a completely ugly mess, not to mention the outright slut shaming and sexism present all throughout that song. Joe, meanwhile, exasperation and despondency caused by the affair he found out she was having, and it makes it a lot more easier to sympathize with him. Oh, and of course we have Mystikal, who let me just say absolutely kills it with his visceral energy and ferociousness to counterbalance Joe's more sorrowful take on things, and keep in mind, this is coming from someone who can't stand Shake Ya Ass. And even on top of all of this, the production is the real standout here. The hollow synths, the weird synthesized breathing noises at the beginning, the tapping percussion, the slick, bouncy bassline, the sweeping strings, it all adds to the tension and frustration of the situation surprisingly well. So yeah, more people need to know about this song. It's excellent.

 17

     Usher. Just......Usher. He's awesome, what else is there to say? And this is easily one of his best hits to date.

17) Song: Confessions Pt. II

      Artist: Usher

      Year It Was #1: 2004

               Look, there's no way around it: Usher is an R&B legend, and for good reason. His voice is strong, melodic, and can easily encapsulate whatever the song calls for, or at least most of the time. And sure, he's had his duds like Love In This Club, OMG, and Hey Daddy (Daddy's Home) [oh boy, do I hope to tear that creepy piece of shit apart one day], but he's usually able to bounce back from it *insert Big Sean pun here*. Confessions Pt. II is a prime example of all of this. The story of this song is that Usher messed around and cheated on his girl when he knew he shouldn't have, got his sidechick preggers, and is now faced with the dilemma of what to do. If he tells his current gf, he'll have to endure her wrath as well as her complete loss of trust in him. On the other hand, if he keeps it on the low, the risk of her finding out much later will become even greater, and her reaction could be way worse. Either way, he's screwed, and throughout the song, he has this constant moment of "holy shit, what the fuck have I done?" It's pretty haunting, actually, and Mr. Raymond here absolutely sells it with his vocals, especially that falsetto, which is just absolutely fabulous. All of this is back by a slick guitar line with some stomp and clap percussion that's strong without being too overbearing. Not really much to say here other than it's just a really good listen. Keep up the good work, Ush.

16

     Hey, here's another artist I get to rave about how good he is: Sean Paul.

16) Song: Temperature

      Artist: Sean Paul

      Year It Was #1: 2006

     And we pivot from a depressing R&B song to an upbeat reggae tune. Funny how things work out like that sometimes. I've always liked Sean Paul. He's got a ton of charisma and energy, his voice is pretty much swallowed in Jamaican patois, and while incomprehensibility is usually an issue for me when it comes to singers and/or rappers (see: Rich Homie Quan), Paul just makes it sound so fun and upbeat. Plus, to my knowledge, he hasn't talked about drugging and raping a woman (again, see Rich Homie Quan). In terms of #1's this guy has racked up, Get Busy was a pretty good start for the dude, but for me, it was Temperature that really sold me on this dude. Of course he's having as much fun as he can on this song, and his almost unrecognizable party lyrics, whilst pretty innocuous, are just a blast to hear coming out of his mouth. What really sold me on this song, though, was this beat. Snowcone really outdid himself here. The pounding backbeat, the buzzy synths, the bells, the higher pitched, more warbly synths, if he was aiming to produce something to encapsulate what fun dance-reggae is all about, then he sure as fuck nailed it. And...not really anything left to say. It's just a really fun song. Moving on.

 15

     Hey, look, a Beyoncé song that's actually awesome for a change.

15) Song: Irreplaceable

      Artist: Beyoncé

      Year It Was #1: 2006-2007

     Look, I know I've come down really hard on Queen Bey in the past, but honestly, can you really blame me? She has so much talent, and yet she constantly chooses to squander it, so whenever she does decide to actually use the talent she has, you have no idea how relieving I find it. It's why I enjoy songs like Deja Vu, Love On Top, Halo, Sweet Dreams, pretty much the entirety of Lemonade, another song we'll get to later on, and this song right here, Irreplaceable. This song is another one of Beyoncé's song where she's tearing some guy who did her wrong down, and I'll admit, I would've liked to have seen some detail in the writing as to what exactly he did to cause her to have such a visceral reaction, but to be frank, unlike other songs where that's the case, hell, even other Beyoncé songs where this is the case, I can easily look past it because she just sounds so convincing in her performance and how much of a jerk this guy really was. He was trash to her in the relationship and thinks he can find pretty much anyone just like her in an instant, when in reality, the reverse is true, and she can find plenty more guys who are better whereas with her, he doesn't know what he just screwed up an opportunity with. In any other case, I would find this totally obnoxious, but here, I find Bey more confident and assertive than obnoxious and bitchy. Her voice is just so rich, and the way she just dominates with her presence is really something. It also helps that the backing instrumentation is marvelous. The textured acoustic guitar, the tapping 808, the strings, it's simple yet incredibly effective. If we're looking for an example of the type of Beyoncé song I am more inclined to like, then we found it right here.

  

14

     And now for some funk from an R&B goddess.

14) Song: Family Affair

      Artist: Mary J. Blige

      Year It Was #1: 2001

          Man, there is a lot of R&B on this list, isn't there? Anyway, we come to yet another great in the genre: Mary J. Blige.........what is there to say about her? She's Mary J. fucking Blige. Just listening to any one of her songs will tell you that she is fucking awesome. She's usually saddled with some fantastic production, her voice is just incredibly rich with an extraordinary range in both the notes she can hit as well as the variety of emotions she is able to sell, this gal is just straight up magnificent, and Family Affair is no different. The beat is this pulsing, repeating melody that is incredibly solid with its structure with a few whooshing synths added in to add some pizzazz, and when Mary J. says to get up and dance and leave my worries behind, that's what I do. Hell, even when she's saying a nonsense word like "hateration," she still sounds awesome. Yeah, this one's gonna be incredibly short. All you need to do is listen to the song to see what all the buzz is about about it.

13

     And now, an inspirational anthem. Don't worry, it's a good one this time.

13) Song: Live Your Life

      Artist: T.I. feat. Rihanna

      Year It Was #1: 2008

     If there is one type of song that is prone to getting a lot of flak when it comes to music criticism is the empowerment anthem. Now, I've come to the defense of this particular type of music more than my fair share of times, but it's not like I don't see why this particular archetype has been slammed so hard. Often times, they just come off as dreary, dead, cliche, and have absolutely no reason to exist, and this occurs even when they try to be happy. Hell, even Fight Song, a song I vehemently defended in my best hits of 2015 list a long time ago soured really hard on me for that exact reason. This, however, is one of the few songs that breaks out of the doldrums and doesn't have that issue because this song is just grand. It's explosive and gigantic with those strong horns, explosive synths, and bombastic percussion. It all just has so much swell and energy. It's an empowerment anthem that remembered that part of that word is, well, power. On top of that, we have two fantastic performers. Now, I like T.I. His flows and beats are usually great, but he does tend to lean a little heavy on being braggadocios. Not that there's anything wrong with that, he's usually pretty good with it (key word usually), but I dunno, it gets a little tiring after a while, y'know? Thankfully, he breaks out of that to bring us one of his best songs in ages. Here, he's rapping about coming up from nothing and reminding the audience that no matter who may try to hold them down, they can do anything they set their mind to. A bit platitudinous, to be sure, but not only does Tip have the swagger and personality to pull it off, which is complimented by a memorable and inspiring chorus from Rihanna (hi again, RiRi), but he provides examples of what people have said about him and the things they've tried to do to stifle him, and that he still came out victorious in spite of all of that, pretty much telling anyone listening to the song that if he can be successful in the face of adversity, then they can, too. Now, that's pretty touching. All in all, it's a great song, definitely deserved to be as big as it was.

12

     Yay, I get to talk about Coldplay again.

12) Song: Viva La Vida

      Artist: Coldplay

      Year It Was #1: 2008

     Be honest with yourself, did you really not see this coming. Don't kid yourself, of course you did. I've already talked about how great Coldplay are in my best hits of 2016 list, and I stand by everything I said about them, and yeah, this is definitely in their upper echelon of great hit songs if not their very best. This is just a song that just feels so.........big. It has so much swell, so much power, it's very much larger than life. The sweeping strings, the pounding drums, the subtle keys, strong bass, all of it combined with Chris Martin's absolutely magnificent vocals create this overwhelming atmosphere that just takes you in, never lets go, and believe me, you will never ever want it to. This epic sounding music also matches the lyrics perfectly. It sounds like something from a medieval period in time, and the content is a narrative about a king's fall from power, where he once was and where he is now. It's a bit of an odd thing to write about, but it works here, and the writing doesn't come off as too kitschy, overly preachy, or puke inducing. It just sounds so grandiose, and really, what better was is there to describe this song? It's just straight up awesome.

     

    11

     And now, it's time we pay our respects to a female R&B legend who, unfortunately, was taken from us far, far too soon.

11) Song: Try Again

      Artist: Aaliyah

      Year It Was #1: 2000

      Ooh, this one hurts a lot. Aaliyah was so talented. She was a pop music prodigy with a fantastic voice and just so much to offer. Why the hell did you have to take her from us via plane crash in 2001, you cruel, unforgiving world? But yeah, Aaliyah was great, and this song right here, unquestionably her biggest hit to date, is no exception. Everything about this song just falls exactly into the place it needs to be. The thin and tinny underlying synth that still manages to be prominent and catchy as all fuck, the pitter-pattering percussion that adds to the groove and the little sweeping effects that were added to it that honestly sound great, the more futuristic, warbling synths, it all just sounds so excellent. Timbaland really did do a great job here, and this isn't even his best work (and yes, that is foreshadowing). Aaliyah rocks it here. Her voice is sexy and seductive yet poised and reassuring, which of course fits great with the lyrical content of the song. It's basically saying that if you're unsure of yourself and your ability to find true love, just make sure to be the best at all you can possibly be and not to worry if you strike out on the first go. If you're constantly working to improve yourself as a person and be yourself, then eventually you will find someone who not only loves you, but loves you for who you are. It's a really touching message, and it works strangely well with this uptempo beat that has so much groove and edge to it. Man, it really is a shame Aaliyah was taken from us far too soon. She had so much to offer, and so much potential to be better than how already great she was. And do I even need to mention how chilling that spoken word bit at the beginning is?

"It's been a long time

we shouldn't've left you

without a dope beet to step to"

 

     Time to finish this part off with a few honorable mentions.

HM1) Song: What A Girl Wants

           Artist: Christina Aguilera

           Year It Was #1: 2000

A surprisingly solid song with some great production, a controlled vocal performance, and refreshing lyrics about being genuinely happy and thanking the guy for pleasing her in the relationship without it feeling like he's being controlled by her in any way. Good job, Christina.




HM2) Song: It's Gonna Be Me
           Artist: *NSYNC
           Year It Was #1: 2000

*NSYNC are a pretty mixed bag in terms of overall quality, but there's no way around it, their only number one hit is easily their best song to date.

HM3) Song: Independent Women Pt. I

           Artist: Destiny's Child

           Year It Was #1: 2000-2001

An incredibly fun and energetic song celebrating independence and self reliance. Yeah, I can get down with this.

HM4) Song: All For You

           Artist: Janet Jackson

           Year It Was #1: 2001

Yet another groove filled song from the king of pop's sister. Enough said.

HM5) Song: The Way You Move

           Artist: OutKast feat. Sleepy Brown

           Year It Was #1: 2004

Yes, Ethan, I, too, like to have some fun every now and then. As great as Hey Ya is, though, I've always preferred The Way Move for some reason, though. I dunno, personal preference, I guess.

HM6) Song: A Moment Like This
           Artist: Kelly Clarkson
           Year It Was #1: 2002

 Y'know what, fuck it. Not everything that came out of American Idol was bad, and the fact that this was the very first victory single to come out of that show is simply astounding, cuz wow, this is amazing. An absolutely gorgeous, sweeping arrangement, strong vocals from pop powerhouse Kelly Clarkson, and lyrics from an uplifting love song that are *gasp* actually uplifting. A novel concept, I know. Consider this the unofficial #21.


And that about does it for this part. See you in the backhalf of this list.