Top 10 Worst Hit Songs Of 2015

Well, would you look at that? Looks like it's time once again to sort out which songs from the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 chart should be hailed as the prevailing gods and goddesses and which should be considered the disgusting water at the bottom of the garbage can. Remember, guys, the song's only eligible for this list if it debuted on the year-end hot 100 chart this year, so yes, that does mean that I'm no longer including leftovers of any kind on these annual lists anymore (although I may still do include them for any throwback lists I do in the future). Now, with all that said, you're probably wondering how I thought 2015 stacked up so far as music from this year went.

Well, in all honesty........PRETTY FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not even kidding, this year was great. So much great pop, EDM, ballads, R&B, hip hop, rock, and hell, even country made its way on to the charts. Not even kidding, I had to expand my best list this year from a top 10 to a top 15, it was that amazing. This is up there with 2012 in terms of quality music being cranked out minute after minute after minute.
Even with that, though, there was still the outright crap that made its way on to the charts and just would not leave for the longest time, and enough of it made its way to the year-end for this list to be formed, so let's not waste any time and kick things off with some dishonorable mentions.





DHM1) Song: Jealous
              Artist: Nick Jonas
              Year-End Position: 38

And we start off the DHMs with one of the most improved artists of 2015. Not even kidding, Nick Jonas has gone from being part of a generic, cookie-cutter, Disney-pushed musical product to making some of the absolute best and most catchy pop music in the mainstream business. Of course, you wouldn't know that listening to the song he kicked late 2014 and early 2015 off with, Jealous, because it's pretty damn insufferable.  Like with All Eyes On You, the production is the only good thing about it with a lot of control and balance over its synths and being able to maintain a pretty solid melodic focus. Unfortunately, it's everything else that lands it here. First off, while Nick Jonas is usually a pretty good singer, he just comes off as extremely whiny here with each line he sings sounding like an adult version of a spoiled 5-year-old going "but mooooom, I waaaaaant it" after his parents said no to buying him a toy he liked, and certainly not helping with that is the subject matter. Essentially in this song, Nick is an overprotective dick who thinks that anyone who even so much as looks at his girl is trying to pick her up and that she's interested, and so he must protect her from that because it's his "right to be hellish." Uh, fuck no. Jonas, you're acting like a controlling asshole when you say stuff like that, and all it comes off as is petulant, ugly, and contentious. NEXT!




DHM2) Song: Drag Me Down
             Artist: One Direction
             Year-End Position: 65

And the disappointments just keep coming as One Direction, who were making great strides lately, halts that progress is a skidding manner with easily one of their blandest songs to date. The lyrics are nothing special, basically the same tired pablum of how a girl's love is so strong that the guy in question feels as though with it, nothing can stop him, and absolutely nothing new is brought to the topic at all. Add on to that, the instrumentation is a stiff mess with its gloppy guitar work, overpowering percussion over actual melody, and just making for an overall unpleasant experience. The only thing really saving this song from being on the list is the fact that each of the performers have some actual energy and charisma, but it's nowhere near enough to save this absolute slog of a song.




DHM3) Song: Earned It
             Artist: The Weeknd
             Year-End Position: 9

God, I was waaaaay too nice to this when I first listened to it because after repeated listens, this song began to sour on me gradually, and well, look where we are now. Anything I praised the song for originally is no longer anywhere to be found. The strings are way too stiff and the percussion way too sparse and heavy with their hits, The Weeknd has nowhere near the amount of energy or soul needed to pull this sort of song off, and the lyrics of how the girl in question has "earned" the privilege of being fucked by him is just pretentious on nearly every level. Don't get me wrong, I am a Weeknd fan, and Beauty Behind The Madness was a fantastic album, but in no way, shape, or form, did this song have anything to do with either of those things, or at least not now.



DHM4) Song: Photograph
              Artist: Ed Sheeran
              Year-End Position: 34

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



DHM5) Song: Bad Blood (Remix)
             Artist: Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar
             Year-End Position: 15

Speaking of songs I was way too nice to when I initially reviewed them, there's this mess. Taylor has proven before that she can get dark and aggressive and make it actually work (trust me, we will discuss that later), but here, she just doesn't with her voice just cracking on the edges during that pre-chorus and those obnoxious elongated syllables on the chorus, thus resulting in what I believe to be Swift's worst vocal performance to date. And Kendrick? What are you even doing here, dude? Yeah, he still offers some decent punchlines here and there, and his flow is fine, but this is still incredibly weak, and given that he dropped the incredibly dope To Pimp A Butterfly this year, it's obvious the dude can do way better than this. I'm not even going to mention how pathetically weak this song is as a diss track to Katy Perry because it wouldn't really matter as the production here just sounds terrible. The clattery, clunky percussion with those grinding, tiresome synths that are just migraine inducing, the fact that there's little payoff to whatever buildup there is, and the overall unpleasantness that is the entire sound of this song. Seriously, T-Swizzle, I expect better from you.




DHM6) Song: Nasty Freestyle
              Artist: T-Wayne
              Year-End Position: 50

Oh, I bet you were all expecting to see this on the list, weren't you? Well, think again. Yeah, I still stand by this song being absolutely dismal with its gutless production, lacking in energy, T-Wayne having irritating vocals, and none of the lines connecting making the song one huge mess. That being said, I can't in good conscience bring myself to put this song on the list because as a silly novelty viral song, it kinda works with T-Wayne having enough looseness and silliness in his delivery and enough ironically funny punchlines to be able to see how one could enjoy the song. Let me stress I still don't think the song is good, like, at all, but at the very least, I do see the appeal, unlike....




DHM7)  Song: Hotline Bling
              Artist: Drake
              Year-End Position: 30

(Unrelated, but is it just me, or does that album art just look absolutely atrocious?)

....this. What do people see in this? I normally like when Drake gets his R&B on, but this is just straight up awful. The stiff trap high hats, the jerky melody sampled from the 1972 song Why Can't We Live Together by Timmy Thomas (which wasn't even all that great to begin with), Drake's delivery being so lifeless, you'd swear he was a zombie, but above all else, the douchebaggery in the lyrical content. Drake, you and the girl in question broke up. Get over it. Besides, even if you were still with this girl, why should you care who she hangs out with or what she wears when she goes out? It's her life, Aubrey, not yours. The fact that this is Drake's biggest hit is disappointing as hell as it's easily his worst hit to date. Yes, even worse than Started From The Bottom. Say what you will about that song, but at least it tried to tell a cohesive story. It massively failed, but it, at the very least, tried, whereas this is nothing more than literal elevator music. Ugh.

DHM8) Song: Flex (Ooh Ooh Ooh)

              Artist: Rich Homie Quan

              Year-End Position: 49

Okay, I gotta ask, what the hell is the appeal of Rich Homie Quan? Seriously, all I hear when I listen to his music is a knock-off of Future, and even he's better than this hack (seriously, Where Ya At would've been a solid best list contender had it made the year-end). His garbled delivery and spouting off of generic rap cliches makes him just absolutely worthless as a rapper, and he doesn't even bring that much energy or charisma into the picture to at least entertainment value to his songs. Such is the case for Flex (Ooh Ooh Ooh), and on top of his mush mouth execution, we get a lifeless, overly-simplistic beat with the same repeated 4 deep bass notes, buzzing feedback, and inconsistent percussion, and not to mention how annoying and skin-crawling those signature "ooh ooh ooh" sounds are that punctuate the end of every line in the chorus are. Honestly, I wanted this one to be on the list so freaking bad, but it's just so forgettable and uninteresting that I have literally nothing else to say about it.




DHM9) Song: Classic Man
              Artist: Jidenna feat. Roman GianArthur
              Year-End Position: 72

Speaking of uninteresting, we've got what is essentially Fancy 2.5. Yeah, going back to it, Fancy is actually starting to wear on my patience, but at least that song had personality (for better or worse), and say what you will about Charli XCX's chorus, you cannot deny that it was incredibly catchy and made itself stand out. Everything about this bland ripoff, however, blends right in in the most generic way possible. The synthloop that "samples" *cough*ripsoff*cough* Fancy with being incredibly weak despite being slightly more complex, trap percussion that's all over the place, Jidenna's nasally delivery, Roman GianArthur's smoother yet blander delivery, it's just a mess. Oh, and at least with Fancy, the lyrics not being all that fancy in reality can be taken in an ironic sense and enjoyed that way. Here, though, it's the same thing with Jidenna not understanding what a "classic man" is and not only not being believable as one, but also not being believable as a so-called "classic gangster," either with all the references to being rich, being able to pick up a lot of chicks, and selling cocaine. God, no wonder this is constantly referred to as the "neckbeard anthem."




DHM10) Song: Ayo
                Artist: Chris Brown & Tyga
                Year-End Position: 86

Correction: this was the closest to making the list. This is just Loyal, pt. 2, only with a good beat this time. Seriously, the plinking, bouncy synth line is actually pretty happy and catchy, and has a lot of energy to it. It's just a shame it was wasted on this douchefest. Seriously, this song is all over the place with its assholery from bragging about how rich they are to stealing your girl (because of course they do) to how their cars smell like ammonia (uh, you know that stuff can kill you, right?) to how they're "tatted up like Mexicans" (wait, WHAT?!?!?!?), just.....fuck this song. Fuck this song with a 9' metal rod.

Well, that takes care of those. Time to peel this band-aid off, now, shall we? Let's go.

10) Song: Tuesday 

      Artist: iLoveMakonnen feat. Drake

      Year-End Position: 82

Well, looks like I'm not done talking about Drake yet as he gives what is easily his worst vocal performance to date on this dreck. Seriously, he cannot hold a note on this song. Even more so than that is the main artist, iLoveMakonnen (stupid name, I know). Seriously, this guy's voice sounds like if Cleveland Jr. from The Cleveland Show had a big hit, and it was supposed to be an upbeat club banger, but he was singing it while he was just waking up, and it was taking him quite a while. The lyrics are nothing more than party song cliches that we haven't heard a million times over by now, and I would be fine with that if the beat and aforementioned deliveries offered anything close to any real energy or punch to make it anything close to tolerable, and believe me, I don't think even the person most drugged out on all the weed, coke, ecstasy, and alcohol could dance to these smeared synths, barely there percussion, and limp bass that aren't able to hold any tune or melody in them whatsoever. 

9) Song: Post To Be

    Artist: Omarion feat. Chris Brown & Jhené Aiko

    Year-End Position: 24

Oh, hi again, DJ Mustard. Yeah, I'll be honest, I've 180'd on Mustard since last year. His tendencies towards minimalism I've actually found worked pretty well in a lot of cases. Hell, 2 On and Don't Tell 'Em came pretty close to winding up as honorable mentions on my best list last year, not even kidding. Then again, there are still songs of his that I cannot stand at all, and Post To Be is easily bottom 5 material for the condiment-named producer at least. This beat tries to be complex (something not commonly found in a DJ Mustard beat), but it just winds up being a huge cluttered mess. There are multiple synth loops, yet none of them connect. They all overlap each other, and it just becomes unbearable. Not to mention how bland and boring it is with how many gaps the song leaves. The vocals here are just egregious. Omarion and Chris Brown are practically indistinguishable from one another with how flat and overly-autotuned their vocals are, and Jhené Aiko probably fares the "best" out of the bunch for at least trying to inject some desperately needed soul into the song, but she still sounds too autogenerated and robotic to pull that off. That's all before we get to the lyrics, which are your bog standard modern day "I can steal your girlfriend because I'm so rich and awesome" type of song. Ah, yes, because thoooose always pan out well. -_-
Oh, and there's also Aiko's infamous "eat the booty like groceries" line. Yes, because when one is performing analingus, the first taste that they should be reminded of is that of tin cans and toilet paper. Moving on.

8) Song: Kick The Dust Up

    Artist: Luke Bryan

    Year-End Position: 87

In a surprising turn of events, only four country songs made the year-end chart for this year. That's right, *four.* Believe me, we'll get to the other three, but for now, we gotta talk about Luke Bryan, who for the most part, I don't hate. Yeah, he makes dumb party music, and sure, he perpetuates a lot of the bro-country archetypes that are prevalent in today's modern age, but he has a solid baritone of a voice, his production is usually anchored in pretty solid melodies and grooves, and he has the sort of charm and presence needed to make that brand of sleazeball personality kinda work. [Then again, I'm speaking as the guy who actually likes Country Girl (Shake It For Me), so what do I know?] Even still, it's not like I don't see why people despise the guy, and there are songs from him that even I hate, this being one of them. Seriously, what the hell is up with this song? The instrumentation is too compressed and inert, and it has none of the driving force needed for a song like this to get peoples' blood really pumping. The melodies are all over the place, and the chord progressions are way too stiff and awkward to be even remotely enjoyable with the ill-fitting synths, painfully weak guitar work, and clunky banjos and drum machines, and......wait, was that some trap I heard him try to incorporate into this song? Dude, no. Just stop it. Even moreover is the fact that normally when Luke is spouting off these empty platitudes of bro-country, he at least sounds enthused or like he's enjoying himself. Here, he just sounds tired and bored, and I don't blame him, honestly. Seriously, we got this to be big enough on the year-end chart and not She Don't Love You by Eric Paslay, Lose My Mind by Brett Eldredge, I'm Comin' Over by Chris Young, or What We Ain't Got by Jake Owen? What in the holy mother of a goat's ass is in y'all's whiskey?

7) Song: No Type 

    Artist: Rae Sremmurd

    Year-End Position: 70

Oh, hello, Ear Drummers spelled backwards. Okay, let's get real here, these guys suck. None of their music is enjoyable......

.....ummm.......none of their music is enjoyable (outside of one song), their voices make nails on a chalkboard sound like Tupac Shakur, they repeat the same tired stereotypes of rap with nothing new added (if anything, they make them a million times worse), and if they were a Nintendo console, they'd be the Virtual Boy, and this song is no exception. A tired, dreary, bog standard Mike Will Made-It beat consisting of generic trap percussion, a simple two-note organ line, and bass limper than soggy breadsticks with no kick or energy to it, the painful to listen to delivery alluded to earlier, and, of course, the contradictory lyrics. For claiming that these guys don't have a type, they follow that with the line "bad bitches is the only thing that I like." Putting aside the grammatical errors in that statement, "bad bitch" seems like a type to me. Consistency, guys. Ever heard of it? I guess not since nobody proofread that before giving it the green light. For God's sake, they did this in the song that came before this, No Flex Zone, and while that one was also awful, at least that one tried to have some sort of swell or energy to it. This is just pathetic, and it had absolutely no reason to exist whatsoever. NEXT!

6) Song: Only

    Artist: Nicki Minaj feat. Drake, Lil Wayne, & Chris Brown

    Year-End Position: 51

Okay, nooow we're getting into the real shit.
This, to my absolute shock, is actually worse than Anaconda. At least that song had the butchered sample of Baby Got Back to make it at least interesting. This doesn't even have that. A lot of debate has gone on about whose fault this song is for why it's so awful, and my conclusion is......everyone involved. Nicki for her stilted flow, godawful punchlines, and weak ass bragging, Drake for just completely embarrassing himself (especially with that "I was still starin' at da titties, doh" line), Lil Wayne sounding bored as shit (can you honestly blame him, though), Chris Brown for his chorus that hops on the Migos flow and has little cohesion to it whatsoever, all five producers for this underweight, reverb saturated, pathetic beat with grating, high pitched echo effects and inconsistent percussion, and the general music listening public for having this peak at #12 on the Billboard Hot 100. There. Everyone sucks, alright? Now we never have to discuss this song ever again. NEXT!

5) Song: Watch Me

    Artist: Silentó

    Year-End Position: 8

Yep. That's right: the song that's so widely despised by everyone and is topping nearly everyone's worst list only winds up at #4. Make no mistake, though, this song is still atrocious. Silentó's voice is still ear-piercing, the production is still a clusterfuck of synth loops just thrown together with no care or thought put in to even considering it having any sort of melody, the lyrics are insultingly lazy with basically being the repetition doing bad dances cribbed from other terrible songs, and I still want to stick an ice pick through my eye socket every time I hear this godforsaken trash. However, after doing some digging, I found 4 songs worse than Silentó's abhorrentness. So, what could possibly be worse than Watch Me?

4) Song: Hit The Quan

    Artist: @iHeartMemphis

    Year-End Position: 83

Well, Watch Me 2.0: It's Even Worse This Time, for starters. Yeah, Watch Me might've been a colossal misfire (and that's putting it lightly), but at least I could see someone enjoying it in an ironic sense. Hit The Quan is denied even that. First off, this beat is abysmal. All it's coasting off of is that oily synthline, and it sounds terrible. The sound it emits is that of if you were tied to a table in a dark room, and a deranged black man was about to chop your nuts off with a steak knife. Sufficed to say, not exactly good for clubs. Lyrically, it's slightly above Watch Me as it does have actual lyrics (apart from that repetitive chorus), but that doesn't mean it's not the same old trite that has been regurgitated time and time again, and even worse is that nearly all of them contain some sort of reference to brand names and current trends, thus making this song instantly dated. The main culprit, though, is @iHeartMemphis himself. Silentó may have been unlistenable, but at least he was like a little kid that kept annoying you yet at the same time was strangely easy to dismiss and ignore. @iHeartMemphis, on the other hand, invades your space with his nasal, off tempo incompetency and just makes you want to take out a restraining order on him. God, it's songs like these that make me want to take this song's advice, slap Rich Homie Quan across the face, and scream "DO YOU SEE WHAT KIND OF SHIT PEOPLE LIKE YOU INSPIRED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

3) Song: 7/11 / Bitch Better Have My Money

    Artist: Beyoncé/Rihanna

    Year-End Position: 61/48

So this is the first of the two ties on this list, and oh boy, where to even begin with Bitch Better Have My Money. To think I actually liked this trash at one point. I usually like a lot of Rihanna's music, but even she has made songs that I haaaaate. This is nowhere near as bad as Birthday Cake from 2012, but it is definitely worse than Pour It Up, which made my worst list in 2013. Nothing about this song works. The trap hi hats are way too skittering and out of control to form any sort of pleasant pattern, the synths are tinny, off key, and come off more creepy in the scary clown music sense than in the gangsta thug sense, and Rihanna just sounds grating here. She's trying so hard to sound tough that it's almost kind of cute in a way. Her screechy delivery is actively grating to the ears, and she is not convincing at all as a thug. I could care less that she was doing this in spite of being a victim of domestic abuse if she was pulling any of it off, and uh......yeah, she's not. Not only that, but she's incredibly hypocritical in this song as well. Rihanna, if you're going to brag about being incredibly rich and blowing thousands of dollars on drinks and other material items, why does the titular bitch need to give you what is supposedly "your" money? Ugh.
Next up......oh god, I gotta come back to this one. Yeah, I discussed this one briefly in my collab with Show With No Name a while back, and as promised, I'm gonna go into way more detail than I did in that post. Here we go.
I never thought I'd live to see the day that Beyoncé would make a song worse than Diva. Make no mistake, that song was an unholy monstrosity, but it was at least able to form a coherent sound to some degree. A coherent sound that was screechy, ear-bleeding, seasick, and that I never wanna hear again, but a coherent sound nonetheless. Here, though, there is absolutely nothing of substance to offer at all. The production are these watery, choppy synths that have no tightness or energy to them, and listening the overbearing percussion constantly tapping throughout the entire song makes me feel as though my skull is about to crack open. Beyoncé's vocals are drizzled in so much autotune that you'd swear the real Beyoncé was captured and replaced with a robot "queen Bey." And do I even need to mention lyrical content at this point? Do I even need to bring up the fact that it's obviously trying to depict a drunken fun night out but winds up sounding like Beyoncé's having a severe attack of epilepsy? Well, I just did. Yeah, there is no redeeming quality to be found in this song. I honestly thought this would be my pick for the worst hit song of the year. And yet........

2) Song(s): Dear Future Husband/Marvin Gaye

    Artist(s): Meghan Trainor/Charlie Puth feat. Meghan Trainor

    Year-End Position(s): 74/75

Now we come to our 2nd tie, and oh crap, we have to deal with Meghan Trainor now. How lovely. Now, while I still maintain that Meghan Trainor is pretty good for the most part and gets way more hate than she deserves, even she has her missteps, and it's just a shame that these missteps were down a huge flight of stairs. I already talked at length about how much Dear Future Husband failed at what it was trying to be so if you wanna read about that, you can do so here, and yeah, my opinion has not changed all that much. The only difference between then and now is now the beat isn't even that great anymore being the same old tired doo-wop that, while I usually don't mind, is just so flat and bland in this song, and Trainor's cutesy delivery got more and more insufferable with each subsequent listen.
The real offender here, though, is Marvin Gaye, easily the whitest, least sexy song about sex since....well.....

Yeah, who hasn't made this comparison? Is it really wrong to do so, though? One's a song about sex that sounds like nobody involved knows what sex even is, and the other is, well, a song about sex that sounds like nobody involved knows what sex even is. The two are almost entirely indistinguishable. Musically, this song's blaaaaaand. The fluttering piano line and flat horns don't set a sexy atmosphere at all, and the trap high hats and gang vocals they divulge into in the second verse. Charlie Puth's vocals are strained and breathy here, and they do not sound good at all, and given how great he sounded on See You Again, that's saying something. Trainor is passable, but again, her flowery delivery doesn't fit in a sex song. Lyrically, this thing is a trainwreck. "Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on"? "It's kamasutra show 'n tell"? "I'm like a dog without a bone"? No, just.....just no.  Oh, and fuck you, Puth, for trying to appropriate the bass and piano line to Ben E. King's Stand By Me for this trash song. Let's.....let's move on to my pick for the worst hit song of the year and as far away from this cultural gentrification and brattiness falsely packaged as a positive message before I start breaking things.

1) Song: She Knows 

    Artist: Ne-Yo feat. Juicy J

    Year-End Position: 97

It feels painful giving the top spot on my worst list to Ne-Yo, an artist I usually respect and like a lot. He has a lot of great songs in him such as Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself), Because Of You, Miss Independent, Mad, So Sick, Sexy Love, Closer, those and many more are all great songs, but man, did he really drop the ball with this song. First off, this production is disgusting. The thudding horns, the weaksauce synths, the incredibly cheap and processed drums, it all just creates this wall of sound that is just unpleasant to listen to. Not only that, but Ne-Yo is just on autopilot, here. He has none of the soul or rich texture in his voice to make these types of songs work. Sure, he makes an attempt to be soulful in the chorus, but it just fails, and we're immediately thrown back into the same droning mess. The lyrics are about how bewildered and amazed at how confident and good at her job this one stripper in particular is, and I'm sorry, are we really expected to buy into this crap? Ne-Yo's wide-eyed front he's putting on just isn't believable, and especially not in a sludgy, gross stripper anthem like this. Juicy J's verse is his standard throwaway garbage, and yet he's easily the best part of the song. When a lousy Juicy J verse is the best part of your song, you fucked up, and your fuck up was harder than a cinder block. What else am I leaving out, hmm, there must be one last thing that this song disgusts me with, hmmm, *baby noise*.................Really, Ne-Yo? A freaking baby noise? In this song clearly about having sex with adult women? Okay, maybe I'm overreacting. It's not like there are any lines that make him seem like a.....

"She said, 'Daddy, I'll be back after this song, then you takin' me home'"

NOOOOOOOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!

Pedophilic undertones is where I draw the line. She Knows is my pick for the worst hit song of 2015. Thanks for reading, and see you next time for the best list.

BIRTHDAY POST: Top 20 Best Hit Songs Of 1995

Well, today's the day. My birthday, and wouldn't you know it, I survived for 2 whole decades. Woohoo. So, to celebrate this momentous occasion, I take a trip back and give you not just my top 10, but what I think are the top 20 best hit songs of my birthyear of 1995. To keep the positive spirits alive, I won't be doing a worst list in full detail like I am this best list, but if you must know what is on my worst list, then here you go:

Alright, now let's get this shindig going.





20) Song: I Believe
      Artist: Blessid Union Of Souls
      Year-End Position: 27

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cv9iKYwp7ps

Alright, I'll admit, the reason this song is so low is because the lyrics are pretty sappy and how nasal and pretty whiny Eliot Sloan's vocals can be. That said, the sentiment is executed quite nicely revealing that we as humans have a duty to see each other as such, and that no matter what, we must love one another regardless of skin color, ethnicity, religious background, etc. Not to mention that the music is amazing with sweeping strings, a melodic piano line, and just overall sounding very beautiful. I'll take it.

19) Song: Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

      Artist: U2

      Year-End Position: 81

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDl1c0nR5SI

This song is just pure power from start to finish. I understand that Batman Forever may not have been a good movie, but there are at least two positive things that came out of it: this song and another one that we'll get to later on in the list. Anyway, Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me. If there is one thing that you'd need to get right if you were making a Batman themed song, you'd have to make it sound epic and big, and boy does this song deliver with its powerful synths and guitar work, strong percussion, and overall feeling like Batman & The Joker are just at each other's throats at that very moment. I do wish that Bono's vocals weren't buried so far down in the mix and I do acknowledge that the lyrics.....well, they aren't very good, but I'm definitely one of the people that, in most cases, is willing to excuse bad lyrics if the music is good enough, so yeah, I like this.

18) Song: Let Her Cry

      Artist: Hootie & The Blowfish

      Year-End Position: 26

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aVHLL5egRY

I'm well aware how shat on Adult Contemporary rock music is, and I sometimes take part in it, but if I'm being honest, I have a little bit of a soft spot for Hootie & The Blowfish, and this song is no exception. The incredibly moving instrumentation, Darius Rucker's amazing vocals, the lyrics of advising one to let their partner have some time to emotionally sort things out for themselves when necessary, it's impossible for me to hate this song. That said, we still have 17 other pieces of awesomeness to get to, so let's move along.

17) Song: I Can Love You Like That 

      Artist: All-4-One

      Year-End Position: 15

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg1uULaTtPU

If there is one group that I wish had a lot more modern day success than they did, it would be these guys because man, do they know how to harmonize. This is just one smooth as hell R&B track. The production has a lot of texture and smoothness to it, and the soulful vocals match it perfectly, and the lyrics of a man proving his love to a woman and willing to do anything for her that she can is nothing short of just sweet. I even like it more than the John Michael Montgomery original. It's that good.

16) Song: I Got 5 On It

      Artist: Luniz

      Year-End Position: 36

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyDqoLimejg

Ah, songs about smoking weed. How you almost never fail to amaze me. So yeah, in this case we have I Got 5 On It, a song from Oakland rap group Luniz, and unsurprisingly, it's amazing. The hazy beat that has a lot of texture and melody to it, each rapper involved really knowing how to spit, basic pot smoking lyrics executed surprisingly well, it all comes together really well for me. So what's keeping it so low?

"I take sacks to the face whenever I can"

Yeah, no, there's no way anyone thought that line was good.

15) Song: Run Away

      Artist: Real McCoy

      Year-End Position: 38

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dx0qWHL7dc

And we might as well throw #14 in the mix as well.

14) Song: Another Night

      Artist: Real McCoy

      Year-End Position: 6

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pav2f4b-1ZE

Apart from a watered down, completely gutless cover of RedBone's Come & Get Your Love, I'd argue that the German house music duo, Real McCoy, is a pretty sweet dance music group, and these two songs prove it to the max. They both have production that has a lot of texture and swell with killer synthlines that are bouncy as fuck, Karin Kasar has an amazing voice, and hell, even Olaf Jeglitza's dark style of rapping manages to fit in surprisingly well somehow. These are just incredibly fun dance songs. What more do I need to say about them?

13) Song: Back For Good

      Artist: Take That

      Year-End Position: 62

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2ICtCO8TCw

Honestly, this song is pretty cheesy and maybe even pretty generic, but I've always been of the mindset that generic doesn't equal bad by default. There have to be more factors to the song to make it bad than just being generic, and I'd even argue that some songs, like this one, can be good in spite of being generic. The production that has an acoustic guitar with a lot of texture and the strings that add a good deal of melodic swell to the song, each performer just throwing all of their emotion in to the song, heartfelt lyrics about a man willing to undue his wrongdoings so he can get back with a past lover (and he actually sounds *genuine* about it), screw it, this entry is my birthday present to myself. Happy birthday to me.

12) Song: Hold My Hand

      Artist: Hootie & The Blowfish

      Year-End Position: 22

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoW3bqnr7tw

Regarding lyrical content, Let Her Cry comes out superior, but this is still serviceable, if a bit cliched, describing a guy who's willing to love the woman in question no matter what, and with the vocal delivery more than makes it believable. Speaking of the vocals, in terms of that and the instrumentation, I think William S. Deaver put it best: "It has a soulful, almost bluesy quality that didn't really show up that much in their other work, and it does a great job of showing off Darius Rucker's marvelous voice, which was always the band's biggest asset."

(Highly recommend checking him out, btw.)

11) Song: Turn The Beat Around

      Artist: Gloria Estefan

      Year-End Position: 87

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inHwBUo9Pzk

Turn The Beat around by Vicki Sue Robinson was and still is one of the most energetic, fun songs ever created. It just has this timeless flair of just pure positive vibes that few others can replicate. Of course, I can think of no better fit to emulate the sheer amount of enthusiasm that Robinson than Gloria Estefan given that she's put out other incredibly fun songs like Rhythm Is Gonna Get You and Conga. Does she deliver here? You bet your ass she does. She is just the perfect match for the sheer zest of Vicki, and she's pretty much her doppelganger in that regard. The only real difference between the two would be the synths in Estefan's version, and even they sound amazing. If we're looking for how to properly recreate a classic, then THIS is how it should be done.

10) Song: You Gotta Be

      Artist: Des'ree

      Year-End Position: 20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGscDHVgX0o

Man, talk about a song from the 90s that has aged incredibly well. This is the perfect combination of self-empowerment anthem with just really fucking good pop music. An incredibly smooth and melodic keyboard line, percussion that makes its presence known without being overbearing or weak as hell, sweeping strings, Des'ree's soulful and gorgeous vocals, lyrics about being strong and facing any challenge that life throws at you, combine all of that, and you've got an easy contender for this list.

9) Song: Colors Of The Wind

    Artist: Vanessa Williams

    Year-End Position: 31

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbuzskVs6rc

A lot of people would look at songs like this, Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson's cover of Beauty & The Beast, and Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle's cover of A Whole New World and think "aw man, why did such Disney have to take such classic movie songs and make boring, shitty adult-contemporary versions of them?" I'm lookin' at you, B-Hop. (On a serious note, I highly recommend checking that guy out, too. He's amazing.) Honestly, though, while I do like the originals, I feel like they work way better in context of their respective movies, modernizing them the way they did actually worked a lot more than I thought it would, even to the point where I prefer them to the originals. Out of the three, the A Whole New World Cover would be my favorite, but this is definitely a close second. The instrumentation is amazing. It's beautiful, sweeping, and very natural, which is very fitting of the subject matter of loving the Earth and all of its beauty. Williams' vocals are amazing. They have just the right amount of gravitas and passion that's needed for a song like this. Overall, this is a beautiful Disney track that I will happily return to.

8) Song: Run-Around

    Artist: Blues Travelers

    Year-End Position: 14

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb5YSIiMNqY

If we're looking for the perfect way to do a bluesy type of rock and roll, then look no further than the Blues Travelers. It's fun, bouncy, sounds incredible with its acoustic driven energy, John Popper's amazing vocals and harmonica playing, and it even manages to juxtapose its relatable lyrics about a woman not treating him right and always screwing him over and actually not only make us feel sorry for the poor dude, but also dance to his predicament. It sounds weird, and yet it works like a motherfucker. Not really much to say here. I highly recommend checking it out if you haven't already.

7) Song: Gangsta's Paradise

    Artist: Coolio ft. LV

    Year-End Position: 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpGbzYlnz7c

Yep, the biggest selling hit of 1995 makes its way on to the list. Damn high, too, and really, it's not hard to see why at all. The hazy synths that provide a dark atmosphere while still maintaining an incredibly solid melody, Coolio's intense flow, the gritty chorus from LV, the lyrics that not only do they not glorify the stereotypical gangster lifestyle, but actually condemns it and asks for a way out, it all amalgamates to one incredible song. Then again, just about everybody knows that by now, so moving on.

6) Song: Cotton Eye Joe

    Artist: Rednex

    Year-End Position: 93

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcDy8HEg1QY

Yeah, that's right. This song is on my best list, and up this damn high. Eat it, B-Hop (loljk, we still cool, but seriously, way to mislead me, dude -_-).

I see no reason to hate this song. Like, at all. The beat is fun, rollicking, full of energy, fit absolutely perfectly with the banjos and great sounding fiddles, and the chanting in the background just gets me pumped (take notes, DJ Mustard, THAT'S how you do crowd chanting). On top of that, the interpolation of the old folk song fits pretty nicely, and while the gimmick of these guys playing up southern stereotypes might be pretty stupid, it's the type of stupid that's just so goofy and oddly enjoyable. Are the lyrics incredibly repetitive? Sure, but it's the type of repetitive I don't mind given how strong every other quality of the song is, much like Turn Down For What, Blue (Da Ba Dee), Gangnam Style, and Call Me Maybe. I just.....look, I just really like the song, alright? Geez.

5) Song: I'll Be There For You/You're All I Need To Get By

    Artist: Method Man & Mary J. Blige

    Year-End Position: 42

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7XggAVAs8c

Okay, I know how reviled the "thugs need love, too" genre is, and quite frankly, a vast majority of them I also dislike. They play to the old cliche of "oh, we bad boyz doin' reel gangsta shit, but we gots owa souft spot, too." That having been said, had more songs sounded like this one, I probably wouldn't have minded it and possibly would've liked it because this is easily the best song from that genre. Why? Well, it's because none of the usual gangsta cliches are present here (in fact, I don't think *any* cliches are present here at all). The main problem with a lot of songs in this category are that they either focus a lot more on the gangsta parts than the love parts, or when they do, it comes off as if they don't even love or care about the woman they're in a relationship with. The complete opposite is done here, and it is just absolutely marvelous. Method Man and Mary J. have a lot of chemistry on this song, and the beat is excellent with its smooth bassline, perfect tempo, and amazing synthlines that match the tone of the song exquisitely. The big selling point for me, though, is the lyrics. It's a song about promoting monogamy that ultimately says that through all the trials and tribulations that they've gone through as a couple, they're still willing to remain with one another, and the detail provided just adds to how much I can really get behind. Quick tip for any hip hop artist looking to make a love song: more of this, less of Always On Time.

4) Song: Fantasy

    Artist: Mariah Carey

    Year-End Position: 7

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qq09UkPRdFY

Fun fact: when I looked up what song hit #1 on the week of my birth, guess which song came up? If you need some help, look at the cover art directly above. In all seriousness, yeah, Fantasy is amazing, and it shouldn't be that hard to see why. This is how you create a fun, energetic song with a lot blended together. The punchy percussion, Mariah Carey's soaring vocals hitting those higher than the heavens notes while still sounding amazing, the multiple synth loops that make the song very busy and energetic yet never once cluttered, and how well it all fits the subject matter of the bewilderment of being in a relationship where the love is so strong, you'd swear is was, well, a fantasy. Really fun track, happy to recommend it.

3) Song: No More "I Love You's"

    Artist: Annie Lennox

    Year-End Position: 78

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL0ApjymfCo

Oh, Annie Lennox, you glorious and magnificent woman, you. Is there anything you've done that hasn't been amazing? (Seriously, I don't think she's done anything that wasn't good.)

Anyway, No More "I Love You's." What the song this specimen is. I actually listened to the original version by The Lover Speaks before I decided to give my opinion on Lennox's cover (which I actually heard first, and if you're wondering what I think of it, well, take a look at how high it is on this list), and wow, I can see why it didn't chart in the US and flopped hard in the UK because it suuuuucked. Not the writing, of course, that was excellent, but the clattering, dated percussion that was a slog to get through, and David Freeman's vocals are weak as fuck. Leave it to super-heroine Annie Lennox to not just make it tolerable, but make it an amazing song. There's just so much more atmosphere and emotional weight in Lennox's version, and her strong performance really lends the song a lot to work with. The feeling of any sort of spark being gone fits a lot better here than in the original. I recommend listening to the original, but only for contextual reasons, and believe me, you'll be blown away once you come back to Lennox's cover. On the plus side, at least this song won't be fucked up beyond belie-

 SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) Song(s): Creep/Red Light Special/Waterfalls

    Artist: TLC

    Year-End Position(s): 3/28/2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlZydtG3xqI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP2t9LBeAwo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WEtxJ4-sh4

I'll just be straight up with you guys: TLC, in my opinion, is the greatest girl group of all time. I'm not kidding, there's not a single song of theirs that I think falls short of amazing. Diggin' On You, Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg, No Scrubs, What About Your Friends?, Unpretty, Baby Baby Baby, all simply amazing songs. I knew I had to pick at least one of the three songs they notched on the '95 year-end chart, but for the life of me, all of them were so amazing that I couldn't pick just one of them, so I said screw it and just went with all of them.

First up, we have Creep, and man, what a funky song this is. That repeating horn line works like it's nobody's business, and the tempo it's placed at is just flawless. The vocals here are just excellent. All three ladies really know how to harmonize, and it comes through on that incredibly melodic chorus. Not only that, but they sound amazing individually as proven by the verses. That brings us to lyrical content, and oh boy, have we got ourselves pure gold, here. Basically, the woman portrayed in the song still loves the man she's with with all her heart, but he's been cheating while ignoring her and telling her nothing but lies in the process, lately, and it's been getting old. This, in turn, has left her feeling extremely lonely and incredibly hurt. In response, she decides to cheat back while keeping it on the low low to fill the void her lover has left. Now, this isn't exactly the best message to be sending out, nor is it exactly the right thing the woman in question is doing. However, I'd say she's at least a little justified in doing so. She isn't doing so just to say fuck you to her SO, but to fill the void of the loneliness and hurt that he's left her with despite how faithful she was and still is to him, and even with that, she said she'll keep loving him until he totally pushes her away, which is at least reasonable enough, isn't it? I'd say it is.

Now we move on to Red Light Special, and man, what a sexy song this is. The beat is incredibly smooth with its soft keyboard line and synths and dusty percussion (hell, even that guitar line before the final chorus fits pretty well), and the vocals and lyrics are just incredibly seductive and alluring. Not really much to say here, it's just......hey, where did my clothes go?

Finally, we have Waterfalls, and I won't beat around the bush with you guys, this, without a shred of doubt in my mind, is easily my favorite song to hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 charts, not just for 1995, but on the charts period. There is nothing, I repeat, nothing in this song that I am not absolutely in love with. T-Boz's rougher vocal delivery that fits the somber subject matter, the beat with its smooth bassline and guitar work and balanced, textured percussion, but what I love most of all is, of course, the lyrical content, from the first verse describing a mother concerned for her son given his dangerous involvement in gang activity which eventually leads to him getting shot to death, to the second verse about a man who has unprotected sex with a woman, thus causing him to contract HIV which he didn't know the woman had and soon dies of, to the chorus and Left Eye's inspirational verse essentially saying that while it is important to go for what one desires, there are limits to what one can do and to just make sure that the decision that a person makes is the right one for them, it all conglomerates into this masterpiece of music. Yet even with that, we've got one more song to go. What could be better than Waterfalls? We'll get to that, but first, here's a long, and I mean LOOOOOOOOOONG list of honorable mentions (believe me, this year was that freaking amazing): 

• Del Amitri - "Roll To Me"
• Natalie Merchant - "Carnival"
• Dionne Farris - "I Know"
• Shaggy - "Bombastic"
• Soul For Real - "Every Little Thing I Do"
• Dr. Dre - "Keep Their Heads Ringin'"
• Hootie & The Blowfish - "Only Wanna Be With You"
• Collective Soul - "December"
• Michael Jackson & Janet Jackson - "Scream"/Michael Jackson - "You Are Not Alone"
• The Notorious B.I.G. - "Big Poppa"
• Skee-Lo - "I Wish"
• D'Angelo - "Brown Sugar"
• Janet Jackson - "Runaway"
• Montell Jordan - "This Is How We Do It"
• Boyz II Men - "On Bended Knee"
• Seal - "Kiss From A Rose"
• The Rembrandts - "I'll Be There For You"
• Ini Kamoze - "Here Comes The Hotstepper"
• Madonna - "Take A Bow"

And now, for my pick for the best hit song of 1995. Ready to see how predictable I can be sometimes?

1) Song: Dear Mama

    Artist: 2Pac

    Year-End Position: 51

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb1ZvUDvLDY

Yeah, let's face it, you all saw this one coming.
If you meet anyone who says they don't like any hip hop or rap song at all, no, don't mangle their neck just yet, just show them this song, and I'm pretty sure it'll change their mind. If it doesn't for whatever reason, then you can mangle their neck. (Note: That was a joke. I do not endorse neck mangling nor will I be held responsible if any neck mangling occurs after reading this blog post.)
So yeah, Dear Mama. This is easily 2Pac's best single, and it shouldn't be hard to see why. That guitar line that blends astoundingly with the strings and the percussion, Pac's more downplayed flow, and like many other entries on this list, incredible lyrical content, more specifically, the best lyrical content of all the songs on this list. This is a song 2Pac addresses to his mother, and it's basically him saying that he could never repay her for all the love and care that she's given him throughout the years, and although they've had their arguments and times of darkness, they've come out alright in the end, and all the memories and precious moments they've created together are worth more than all the money in the world. Now come on, who doesn't appreciate that sentiment? And the detail, oh my God, the detail. Pac really wanted to make sure this song was as descriptive as it could possibly be, and might I just say, he made the right choice here. From the arguments to not feeling anything when his father died to using his new found wealth to provide for his mother in an attempt to make her feel special to her taking care of him when he was sick, guys, I can't fit all of this in one post. You really need to listen to the song to get all of what he's saying, it's that packed with lyrical genius.
 Dear Mama by 2Pac. The best hit song of 1995. I hope you guys liked this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go enjoy turning 20 years old, now.

BILLBOARD REVIEW: Week Of 7/18/2015

Well, 5 new songs have entered the top 10 since my last Billboard review, so it's about that time. First, a reminder of the ratings I gave to the songs I already reviewed:
9) Hey Mama by David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha & Afrojack - 4/5
7) Shut Up & Dance by Walk The Moon - 5/5
5) Trap Queen by Fetty Wap - 4/5
4) Bad Blood by Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar - 3/5
1) See You Again by Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth - 5/5

Alright, on to our new arrivals.




10) Song: Fight Song
      Artist: Rachel Platten

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

You guys ready to get mad? Well, be prepared, because *flameshield up* I really like this song. Yeah, as far as empowerment anthems go, it's pretty generic, but generic doesn't quite equal bad, and I feel like this song is a perfect example of that. Fight Song basically talks about how Platten is going to take back her life and not let anyone hold her down. An admittedly done to death concept, but Rachel just absolutely sells the song with her passionate vocal delivery and explosive yet lush backing instrumentation. I do wish the song had given a little more detail as to how people have doubted her or the methods of how exactly she would take her life back in to her own control, but for what it is, I can appreciate it and really jam out quite a bit, actually. 4/5




8) Song: Where Are Ü Now
    Artist: Skrillex & Diplo feat. Justin Bieber

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nntGTK2Fhb0

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but..... Justin Bieber, of all people, has a song under his belt that's actually......good. No, for real, this song is actually quite excellent. In fact, same goes for Skrillex & Diplo, the producers of this track, as Skrillex is awful outside of First Of The Year (Equinox) and Diplo is a mixed bag, and it really is their production that shines through on this song with its blend of trap production with EDM and Middle-Eastern elements with tons of flavor and texture backing it. That's not to say, though, that Bieber should be left out of this, though, because he, too, is also really good on this song. His vocals have a lot of vulnerability and emotion in them, and his singing of how he was there for this girl in question yet she left him in his time of need is actually really impressive. Again, I do wish there was more detail in the lyrics as to how the girl broke his heart or the specifics of what exactly Bieber did for this girl, but again, I can't complain too much. It's good for what it is. Another 4/5.




6) Song: Can't Feel My Face
    Artist: The Weeknd

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqt8Z1k0oWQ

The Weeknd getting his Michael Jackson on? Hell yeah, I'm on board with this. We have The Weeknd being his awesome self on this track, a fun bass line, ominous strings that open up the song that fit surprisingly well as a transition in to the rest of the song, goofy lyrics about how he loves that he goes numb whenever he's with this girl in question, it's really energetic, it has a lot of bounciness to it, you know what? Yeah, I like this. 5/5




3) Song: Watch Me
    Artist: Silento

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjW8wmF5VWc

...........Okay, really guys? This song is not only in the top 5, but incredibly close to being #1?

I hate all of you. I.....I really do.
On a serious note, though, where I found my pick for my favorite hit song of the year so far in my last review of the top 10, I've found my pick for the worst hit song of the year so far in this one, and really, is it any wonder why? Between its incredibly messy synth work, limp percussion and finger snaps, and lacking any and all energy, who seriously finds this song any fun? On top of that, the lyrics are not only super repetitive, but also rely on referencing a deluge of dance crazes, most of which are really outdated, thus adding an extra layer of infuriating laziness to this song that, needless to say, only makes this song even less listenable. Worst of all, though, is Silento himself. This Rae Sremmurd reject has a voice that I have no idea how anyone can find even tolerable as it's so high pitched and grating that I dare anyone to not hear it and then not turn the song off after 1.5 seconds (and that's being generous). I'd give this a negative rating, but I gotta pretend like I have some semblance of integrity, so it's no surprise that this song is getting a big fat 0/5. Seriously, f**k this song.




2) Song: Cheerleader
    Artist: OMI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGflUbPQfW8

*Sigh of relief* Thank god, a good song. In fact, an amazing song. One of the best songs of the year, to be more specific. The original version of this is good, but if you ask me, I feel like the Felix Jaehn remix just works so much better. The tropical flavored EDM and horns combine for this really easy listening experience full of energy and fun, and the autotune and reverb added on to OMI's vocals really added a ton of personality to that of what already existed within him. Oh, and the lyrics are awesome, too. It's basically about how OMI has found a woman who will stand by him no matter what and really loves him for who he is, and nowhere in this song does he ever come off as undeserving of any of it. Man, this song is awesome. Yeah, it's a 5/5.

Overall, this week gets a score of a 3.9/5. Not quite as good as last time, but damn good. See you guys next time.

REVIEW: Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShlW5plD_40


Y'know, I gotta admit, I'm in the minority of people who doesn't hate Meghan Trainor. While nearly everyone was mentioning All About That Bass somewhere on their worst hit songs of 2014 lists somewhere, whether as a dishonorable mention or on the list proper, I was over here jamming out to it. I found it to be an innocent song promoting body positivity (albeit maybe not in the best way) that people looked way too much in to with fun instrumentation and good singing from Trainor herself. Same goes for Lips Are Movin, but I'm gonna save my words for that song (*wink wink*).

Now, with all that said, can I say the same thing about her third top 20 hit, Dear Future Husband? Well................nope. Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope ALL OF MY NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My God, what the hell were the people involved in this song's making thinking? Seriously, there is no way anyone with at least one functioning brain cell would even for a second think of writing something so abysmal, so horrendous, so abhorrent that it makes me feel bad for identifying as a fan of Meghan Trainor. Seriously, I will defend her a lot, but I do have my limits, and this is definitely the breaking point.

First off, I do wanna say that not everything about this song is bad. The instrumentation is still funky and upbeat with a ton of energy and flavor behind it, and Trainor's vocals are still good as always. That being said, however, all of it is absolutely demolished by what the lyrical content wound up being. Essentially what Dear Future Husband is is Meghan Trainor listing off what she would like for the man that marries her later on in life to do for her. It starts off innocent enough just asking for compliments, flowers, dates, and basic stuff like that, but as the song progresses, Meghan gets more and more demanding and pretty damn psychotic. Seriously, what kind of man do you know that would put up with having to apologize after every argument (even in situations where the wife was clearly in the wrong), not being allowed to have any dirty thoughts whatsoever, and not being allowed to see his family as often as he would like to? Furthermore, how lame is it that this is addressed to a future significant other? I mean, seriously, what is she, 11?

Overall, this song is a giant trainwreck. It had really good music and vocals, but damn if those awful lyrics didn't completely render any positive this song had going for it completely useless. I wanted to like it, I really did, but goddamn, do I absolutely despise this song. Meghan, I love you, honey, but please, for future reference, no more crap like this. I'm giving this a 0.5/5, and I'll see you guys next time.

BILLBOARD REVIEW: Week Of 6/13/15

Hello, guys, and as part of a new series here at the blog of BackstreetMarceline, I am going to review the current top 10, and anytime there's 5 new arrivals (not including returning entries), I will let everyone know the rating of the previously discussed songs while I review the new entries. With that said, let's begin.




10) Song: Nasty Freestyle
      Artist: T-Wayne

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGKK8eGQQEk

Aaaaaaand we're starting off with the worst song currently in the top 10. Yaaaaay. -_____-
Yeah, there is absolutely no redeeming quality to this song whatsoever. The beat is just this dismal mess of synth and piano cords, T-Wayne's autotuned vocals are not that listenable, and there's no connection at all anywhere within the lyrics. It's just this huge word salad of rap cliches and stupid, mind numbing punchlines. If you needed further proof as to just how much Vine hits usually suck (I would say all of them do, but Turn Down For What and Hot Boy exist), then this is it. Obviously, this one's getting a big fat 0/5.



9) Song: Sugar
    Artist: Maroon 5

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=09R8_2nJtjg

Talk about a complete 180. Seriously, Maroon 5 went from Animals, one of their worst singles, to Sugar, which is easily one of their best. The thing about this song is that it's just so much damn fun. I like the funky instrumentation that has a lot of texture to it, and I'm really into Adam Levine's performance on this song (yes, even the falsetto). Even the lyrics are pretty good. All they're about is just needing some good loving every now and then. A simple concept, but it's one that I think was handled pretty well in this song. This is definitely going on the best list at the end of the year. 5/5



8) Song: Hey Mama
    Artist: David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, & Afrojack

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uO59tfQ2TbA

Speaking of surprises, here's a song by David Guetta, usually thought not to make very good music (and, in some cases, lives up to that) that's actually pretty great. I do have a few technical gripes such as how monotonous the flow of the verses can get along with the fact that a line from Birthday Cake (one of the worst songs EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) was used for the chorus, but aside from that, yeah, it's really good. Guetta and Afrojack did a really good job with this beat and how energetic, wild, and chaotic it is while keeping it sounding good, Nicki's performance is great, and Bebe Rexha's vocals are amazing. While I don't really buy Minaj as a standard cooking and cleaning housewife, like, at all, it doesn't really come off that way to me. It's really more of an "I'll be faithful to you and right by your side" type of deal, which I can get behind. Overall, pretty good. 4/5



7) Song: Want To Want Me
    Artist: Jason DeRulo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rClUOdS5Zyw

Another funky song? Hell yeah. I'll be damned if this isn't DeRulo's best single to date. Everything from the instrumentation to the vocals right down to the lyrics is just so full of life and passion that it's hard to deny. Every element of this song feels very cohesive, and it all culminates in to this wonderful piece of music. I don't think I need to tell you that this is a 5/5 song for me, but I will just to inform you. Also, is it just me, or is anyone else reminded of late 80s to early 90s synthpop from this?




6) Song: Earned It
    Artist: The Weeknd

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waU75jdUnYw

So.............people hate this song?
I gotta be honest, I wasn't expecting anything good to come out of the trash that is 50 Shades Of Grey, but to my amazement, we got TWO amazing songs out of it, and believe me, I'll be talking about Love Me Like You Do later this year. Earned It is just a sexy song, pure and simple. It's orchestral production, the chamberish feel that works surprisingly well, oddly enough, with the atmosphere in the song, and The Weeknd's voice is smooth and beautiful. I don't think I'll ever forgive him for being the guy who said "do you like the way I flick this tongue or nah," but as long as he continues to make songs like this, I just may be able to forget about it. 5/5




5) Song: Uptown Funk
    Artist: Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPf0YbXqDm0

Everybody and their third uncles twice removed have already praised this song to high heaven, and really, can you blame them? The funky instrumentation, the sheer amount of force and energy in this song, Bruno Mars' charisma and excellent voice, everything about this song is just plain fun. Sure, it's a song where Bruno Mars brags about how awesome he is, but never once does it ever feel like he's being condescending to the listener nor does he ever come across as insulting. In fact, at the end, he actively encourages the crowd to join in with him. 5/5, no doubt.




4) Song: Shut Up & Dance
    Artist: Walk The Moon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JCLY0Rlx6Q

I got this song alllllll the way back when it was free on iTunes, and let me just say, easily the best free song I picked up from there. When it comes to a song that aims to be nothing more than just a glittery, fun pop-rock jam, man does Shut Up & Dance deliver. The bouncy instrumentation with its rollicking guitar work and shiny synthesizers combine perfectly with Nicholas Petricca's vocals, and the whole thing is just a huge jam. Also, can we just take a minute to discuss how much fun that music video looks? No? Okay. Whatever, the song's still a 5/5 (wow, there are a lot of those in the top 10 this week),




3) Song: Trap Queen
    Artist: Fetty Wap

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_kF4zLNKio

Look guys, I tried. I tried to hate this song. I claimed for the longest time that I absolutely despised this song. However, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't resist the infectious amount of silliness that this song has to offer. Sure, the lyrics are nothing special, but it really is Fetty Wap's loose delivery and the production that hold this song together. Oh my god, I can't believe how much I like this song. This is really embarrassing. 4/5




2) Song: Bad Blood
    Artist: Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcIy9NiNbmo

1989, let me just say, is a phenomenal record, not to mention Taylor Swift's best record by a country (or should I say pop :P ) mile. Shake It Off, Blank Space, and Style were all amazing songs, and you can bet your bottom dollar that I was excited as heck to find out what the fourth single was. So how is Bad Blood, exactly? It's......okay. K-Dot easily steals the spotlight with amazing flow, a ton of energy, and a plethora of clever punchlines, and T-Swizzle's voice is amazing as always with a really well done chorus. The beat, however, while not terrible at all, is pretty weak and is mostly percussion. Also, Taylor pretty much just handed the song to Kendrick. She really doesn't do much aside from sing the chorus and bridge. This is definitely not as good as the album version, which is actually quite a bit better. As a whole, I do like this song, just not nearly as much as I'd like to, so I'll give this one a 3/5.




1) Song: See You Again
    Artist: Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgKAFK5djSk

Well, who knew Wiz knew how to be good at rapping about something other than weed? And actually be BETTER at it? Guys, I've found my favorite hit song of the year so far. The rapping is done with so much passion and heart that it really does tug at my heartstrings, and same with Charlie Puth's chorus (seriously, his vocals are amazing). Let's be real here, though, it really is the lyrics that drive this thing home (no pun intended). Even ignoring the fact that this is a tribute to the late Paul Walker, this song is still emotional and well written as hell heaven. The message of holding a lost loved one in your heart in hopes that you'll one day see them again is just sweet, and I defy anyone who says otherwise. At no point does the song ever just feel like a cheap cash grab. It stays 100% genuine the whole way through, and that really comes in handy, especially for these types of songs. With all that said, this song is easily a 5/5.



So yeah, as a whole, this week of the Billboard top 10 scores a 4.1/5. That's an amazing score, and all of those 5/5's definitely help. Let's hope the top 10 stays awesome. I'm Halston, and I'll see you guys next time.