REVIEW: Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShlW5plD_40


Y'know, I gotta admit, I'm in the minority of people who doesn't hate Meghan Trainor. While nearly everyone was mentioning All About That Bass somewhere on their worst hit songs of 2014 lists somewhere, whether as a dishonorable mention or on the list proper, I was over here jamming out to it. I found it to be an innocent song promoting body positivity (albeit maybe not in the best way) that people looked way too much in to with fun instrumentation and good singing from Trainor herself. Same goes for Lips Are Movin, but I'm gonna save my words for that song (*wink wink*).

Now, with all that said, can I say the same thing about her third top 20 hit, Dear Future Husband? Well................nope. Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope ALL OF MY NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My God, what the hell were the people involved in this song's making thinking? Seriously, there is no way anyone with at least one functioning brain cell would even for a second think of writing something so abysmal, so horrendous, so abhorrent that it makes me feel bad for identifying as a fan of Meghan Trainor. Seriously, I will defend her a lot, but I do have my limits, and this is definitely the breaking point.

First off, I do wanna say that not everything about this song is bad. The instrumentation is still funky and upbeat with a ton of energy and flavor behind it, and Trainor's vocals are still good as always. That being said, however, all of it is absolutely demolished by what the lyrical content wound up being. Essentially what Dear Future Husband is is Meghan Trainor listing off what she would like for the man that marries her later on in life to do for her. It starts off innocent enough just asking for compliments, flowers, dates, and basic stuff like that, but as the song progresses, Meghan gets more and more demanding and pretty damn psychotic. Seriously, what kind of man do you know that would put up with having to apologize after every argument (even in situations where the wife was clearly in the wrong), not being allowed to have any dirty thoughts whatsoever, and not being allowed to see his family as often as he would like to? Furthermore, how lame is it that this is addressed to a future significant other? I mean, seriously, what is she, 11?

Overall, this song is a giant trainwreck. It had really good music and vocals, but damn if those awful lyrics didn't completely render any positive this song had going for it completely useless. I wanted to like it, I really did, but goddamn, do I absolutely despise this song. Meghan, I love you, honey, but please, for future reference, no more crap like this. I'm giving this a 0.5/5, and I'll see you guys next time.