Top 10 Worst Hit Songs Of 2020

Oh boy, 2020, where to even start with you. The biggest thing to get out of the way first and foremost is just how much of a dumpster fire this year was. Police brutality and several other circumstances that show that, despite what some fucknuts would want you to believe, shows that racism is still alive and well and doesn't look to be going away any time soon, the turmoil that was this election and all that encompassed it, the fact that our current soon-to-be-former president is still trying to spread the cockamamie that the election was rigged despite the fact that even the ones who are supposed to be on his side the most have acknowledged that that's not true and even greenlit the process for the transferal of power over to our current president-elect, heavy doses of several other unrelated crazy events, a cavalcade of celebrities sadly passing away that rivals even that of 2016, and of course, the global pandemic forcing us all to stay inside and continues to wreak havoc as I am writing this due to the shockingly large number of people who somehow are still under the impression that this is all a hoax and that it's nowhere near as big of a deal as is being portrayed (seriously, you goddamn idiots, get with the fucking program already). But that is all real world stuff, how about the main thing you came here to see me discuss: the music? Well, it was actually pretty good, for the most part. I'm not gonna say it was one of the best years of all time, or even in recent memory, but for the most part, 2020 was pretty solid, and if ever there was any silver lining to keep us all sane throughout these difficult times, it would be the supply of tunes this year had to offer not being all that bad. Still, though, this of course doesn't mean that it was all sunshine and rainbows, and you know exactly what we have to start with. It ain't gonna be the good stuff, big shocker there. Alright, long preamble over. Let's begin.

10 

You know what genre had a pretty good year? Country. Dead serious, a lot of it returned to the neo-traditional roots that originally attracted people to it in the first place and gave us a lot of songs, even on this YE list that actually sounded like actual country music......and then there's Jason Aldean.

10) Song: Got What I Got

      Artist: Jason Aldean

      Year-End Position: 60

     I know when it comes to bro country schlock, we all like to point to the Luke Bryans and the Blake Sheltons, but one person that flies under the radar far too often in this category is Jason Aldean. More often than not, his songs are just phoned in, flimsy excuses for music that was clearly only made to pander to his audience. Every now and again, he'll have a moment where he actually tries and we'll get something genuinely good like Lights Come On or You Make It Easy, but more often than not we have flaccid non-entities like Dirt Road Anthem or Take A Little Ride. Take a good guess which one Got What I Got falls under. For starters, we have the melodic structure, which just feels really off. Everything just feels muddled from the weak acoustic guitars and banjos along with a generic trap beat, and it just kinda goes through the motions without ever really going beyond this flat, monotonous slog. The only times this has any bite to it is when the electric guitars and actual drums barge in to give the song any power, but by then, it just feels like far too little far too late. As for Aldean himself, his charismaless performance is as present as ever as it usually is in his music, and it creates the usual vacuum that sucks the soul out of everything even remotely close to it. Aldean has always tried to split the difference between bro country and boyfriend country, but he's not lively enough for the former and not genuine enough for the latter, so he winds up failing on both sides of the fence. Prime example of that second thing: the content. Not wanting anything else in life but to spend time with the one you love is a fine enough sentiment, but it completely undercuts the tone you were going for when you mention that said significant other was the girl you cheated on your then-wife with and eventually left her for, not being helped by you mentioning that you don't regret doing so. Pretty scummy, you jerk. It's this low on the list because it's so in-one-ear-and-out-the-other, but it has too many glaring issues to leave it off entirely.

9

So obviously, with the quarantine, you had songs that people ran to in order to feel some sort of comfort or acknowledgement that everything was gonna be alright. From that, you're probably expecting me to put a song like Sunday Best by Surfaces or If The World Was Ending by JP Saxe & Julia Michaels here, but nah. Oh, those songs definitely suck, but guys, c'mon now. Fight the real enemy......the real enemy in this case being Scooter Braun.

9) Song: Stuck With U

    Artist: Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber

    Year-End Position: 80

     Yeah, frankly, this would've made it here on principal alone. So, as you all know, due to the global pandemic, the vast majority of us have been forced to stay quarantined in our houses so as to take measures to ensure that we don't get COVID-19, which has ravaged across various nations all over the world, left many who've previously had it with irreversible heart, lung, and brain damage, and has killed millions of people worldwide with over a quarter million deaths here in the US alone. Leave it, then, to greedy assholes like Scooter Braun to capitalize off of this for a quick paycheck by slapping this rush job together and, through chart manipulation and record label payola, sent this straight to the top where it rightfully sank like a rock in the following weeks. You can just tell how cynical and calculated this is from just one listen of this thing. Seriously, when Bieber is putting in a completely checked out performance and still puts in more effort than Ariana, that's a serious problem. The two have no chemistry whatsoever, the production is pretty much just Perfect by Ed Sheeran but with anything warm and inviting about that song removed entirely and replaced with the coldest, clunkiest of trap beats, and what even is there left to say about these lyrics? It takes some real nerve and ignorance to sing about how you're not good for each other, but because you literally can't go anywhere else right now, you're "stuck" with that person, and yet you somehow wish it'll last forever? Uh, no, GOD no, I want this to be over as soon as possible just like everyone else. Really, the only reason this is so low is that this really is a song that could've only existed in the hellscape that is 2020, but it still belongs here nonetheless. Ariana, this isn't as bad as 7 Rings, but you're still better than this. Justin...well, we'll come back to you.

8

For the longest time, this was gonna be a lot higher on the list because I considered it way worse than this guy's big hit from last year. In retrospect, I was being way too harsh as it's not that bad, but I still feel it deserves its place on the list regardless.

 

[TW: Suicide]

8) Song: Before You Go

    Artist: Lewis Capaldi

    Year-End Position: 21

     Yeah, we're talking about this guy again. Capaldi made his mark last year with Someone You Loved, a song so blatantly terrible that I really only listed the incredibly obvious ways that one went wrong and was done because, really, that's all there was to it. The reasons it sucked so bad were in everyone's faces and would not go away until it finally spared our eardrums by dropping off the charts entirely. He didn't have too much mercy on us, though, as just as that one was beginning to fall off, this one kept gaining popularity. And...look, I don't get it. This guy isn't the worst person making music today, far from it, but you give his songs to literally anyone else, and what would change? His songs are so interchangeable with one another that they all just blend together into this slurry of boring, generic mush. This song isn't as bad as Someone You Loved mainly because the production is way more developed and the pissy petulance isn't quite as present, but it's still not good. For one, the instrumentation is overblown drums mixed with this really canned-sounding basic guitar loop that, sure, has peaks and valleys, but those are really just the producers mistaking getting louder for having more dramatic impact than what's really going on. As for what's actually being said, this song is about the death of a loved one, Capaldi's aunt in particular, and is from the perspective of his mother wondering what could have been done to prevent such a tragic event from occurring. Setting aside the fact that the song never makes those last two parts clear, or that the parts where it's about suicide are indecipherable from any ordinary break-up song, look, I get it. We all have thoughts in events like these about what involvement we could've had so that something as horrific as someone taking their own life didn't happen. It's a natural thought process, and the guilt, shame, and other tangled emotions that come along with it can really take its toll on someone. That said, it undermines what the song was going for when you make a song out of it. It comes off as unintentionally self-centered, and while I respect what it was trying to do, it falls flat on its face. But that's not the main reason this is here. No, it comes back to, as it always does, to Lewis Capaldi's voice. I buy that the emotions he's singing about are real, but that doesn't mean they're pleasant to listen to at all between the mumbly verses and cheese grater of a chorus and bridge. It completely spoils what would've otherwise been a song that wasn't that good but still would've been fine enough and drags it into straight up unlistenable territory. It's nowhere near the worst song to talk about suicide, believe me, we'll get to a much worse example later on down the list, but it just doesn't work for me.

7 

You didn't seriously think we were done with Justin Bieber, did you?

7) Song: Yummy 

    Artist: Justin Bieber

    Year-End Position: 58

     So Bieber put out an album this year......oh, you didn't care about it? Great, we're in the same boat because neither did I. Bieber (or at least post-puberty Bieber) has always been such a non presence on his own songs, having a voice so milquetoast and plain that is pleasant enough to the ears but never really stands out among his contemporaries. Sure, he has a few genuinely great songs up his belt like Sorry and What Do You Mean?, but those are more due to the production than anything else. So, what do you get when you combine his blah, personality-less voice, backing music that puts even elevators to sleep, and writing so vomit inducing, it's astounding just how awful the final product is? Well, you get Yummy. I'd set aside the stream trolling and how Biebs tried to game the system by encouraging his fans to stream the song on loop while they slept so he could get the song to debut at the top of the charts, only for it to fail in spectacular fashion by being cock-blocked by The Box by Roddy Ricch, but really, what could be more fitting that such an embarrassing plunder could happen to such an embarrassment of a song? The beat is just these light, one note synths with clicking percussion that sounds like the prototype for Hotline Bling. Where's the rest of the song. Bieber sounds like he's about to fall asleep throughout the vast majority of the tune, and even the moments where he tries to inject some sort of effort into his performance, he still sounds incredibly flat and formless, which really does not fit with what the song is about. And what the song is about......why don't we dig in, shall we? In case the title didn't make it abundantly clear, this is a song about cunnilingus. Not that that's an inherently bad thing, there've been good songs about that before such as Cake By The Ocean and, hell, even Watermelon Sugar which was an *actual* number one hit this year. But really, the issue is so obvious that I don't even need to point it out, but I'm gonna do it anyway. That "yummy yummy yum"? What are you, five years old? No reasonable adult uses that word in normal conversation, and for good reason because it just sounds gross no matter how you say it. Why would you make eating pussy sound so unappealing? This is just icky in every way. So why isn't' it higher? Well, in all honesty, I just pity it more than anything. Like, you can tell that Bieber really believes that this is what's gonna give his wife a WAP, and how it's totally the most sensual thing ever. Well, Biebs, if this is the best you can do, then get used to all those nights of being exiled to the couch. Just sayin'.

 

 

 

6 

You know, us music critics, we're not perfect. Our opinions fluctuate constantly, and this can lead to us looking back and thinking "yeah, that song really should've been on the list." This is one of those times for me because how the hell did I not include this guy on my worst list back in 2017?

6) Song: Hot Girl Bummer

    Artist: blackbear

    Year-End Position: 26

     Who actually likes this guy? That's an actual question, who listens to blackbear and thinks "yeah, he seems like a dude I'd like to hang around." This man's entire persona makes me want to take a baseball bat to his stupid face. Pretty much, it's just him being this unlikable fratboy that just goes around saying fuck and acting as if that makes him the coolest motherfucker on the planet. Normally, things like that are played up for a joke, but no, this guy is one hundred percent real with all of it, and I hate it. I hate it so goddamn much. His breakout hit was do re mi back in 2017, and if ever there was a song that made me wanna break someone's spine, it was that one. Just an ugly as sin trap song where he berates his girl for treating him awfully when it's clear as day that he's obviously doing the same to her. It's so blood curdling in just how repugnant it is, and I was happy to never hear anything else from him again. But lo and behold, he came back, and with his biggest ever hit, which cribs the title from Megan Thee Stallion's song from last year and even managed to outpeak it. That alone would be disgusting, but then you have the actual song itself, and it just smacks of how much of a blatant fuckboy this guy is. First things first, this production is just straight up unlistenable. The overbearing synths, cheap guitar line, and music box twinkles are all so overbearing that they create this atmosphere that can only be described as suffocating. Then there's blackbear himself, and if ever there was a guy who just warbles his way through a song without any head to whether he's even carrying a single note, it would be him. But then there's the content, and it's all just pure negativity for the sake of being edgy. There's no point to any of it, it's just pure contempt for everyone including the listener. Hell, the look is literally just a crooning "fuck you". What is the point? Who the hell wants to be surrounded by nothing but brooding and and cynicism all the fucking time? There has to be a point to it. If all you do is mope around with a scowl on your face, then nobody is gonna wanna be associated with you, as they shouldn't. But really, do I even need to explain why this song is so horrid? It's hot girl bummer by blackbear. Exactly as advertised on the tin, and we should've left on the shelf to expire. Next.

5

I reiterate: you didn't seriously think we were done with Justin Bieber, did you?

5) Song: Intentions

    Artist: Justin Bieber feat. Quavo

    Year-End Position: 17

     Yeah, Yummy wasn't even Bieber's worst hit this year. Changes was just such a boring album that you'd think that'd be the most contemptible track off of it, but nope. And even worse, Intentions had way more staying power than Yummy did, although if ever there was a Bieber track that deserved to chart for exactly one week and then fall off immediately after instead of being one of the biggest hits in the country for months...well, okay, Children still exists, but it actually did fall off the next week. Much like Yummy, Intentions has an incredibly sparse beat, but where that one just bored the hell outta me, this one actively plucked at my last nerve. The plinking synth line paired with the thudding bass is enough to cause a headache. Vocally, Bieber sounds more engaged than he did in Yummy, but it's still not anything special or noteworthy. But then there's the lyrics, and where Yummy was more obvious with how bad it was in that department, this song flies way more under the radar and actually seems a lot more sinister. This is Biebs' attempt to make a genuine, heartfelt song for his wife, Hailey, but my god, these lines. "Picture perfect, you don't need no filter"? "Heart full of equity, you're an asset"? And my absolute "favorites" of the bunch, "stay in the kitchen, cookin' up, got your own bread" and "shout out to your mom and dad for making you". What kind of bumbling, idiotic fool let this song get approved without stopping to think "hmmm, yeah, this could use a rewrite. Or two. Or seventeen." And you know what, this wouldn't even be that exasperating if it weren't for the fact that this stayed in the top 10 for several weeks. Of all the pop songs to make big this year, why this one? Oh, and Quavo's on this song. I don't care about him, and neither do you. Moving on.

4

You know, I actually didn't mind this song at first, but slowly but surely it soured on me more and more, and now I finally get to rip this thorn in my side apart.

4) Song: I Hope

    Artist: Gabby Barrett feat. Charlie Puth

    Year-End Position: 12

     Alright, allow me to state, first and foremost, that this song has nothing to do with either American Idol or the fact that Barrett is a Trump supporter. I'm judging this solely as a piece of music and nothing more. Now then, if I thought Intentions sticking around for as long as it did was mind scrambling, then this song's popularity just straight up took my brain and made a full on eggs benedict with it because it first charted in the beginning of this year, and is still in the top 10 as of me typing this. That would be impressive if it were done for literally any other song because really? I know I and many others keep talking about how there need to be more women who are big in country music right now, but come on, we can do so much better than this. For starters, this instrumentation is hot garbage. Stiff guitars, irritating synths, and a hook so blown out that it would break anyone's speakers is just insufferable. Many have made the comparison of Gabby to Carrie Underwood, and it's not an inaccurate comparison to make. But at least Underwood didn't feel the need to pile on so much autotune and reverb onto her voice, and even then, it all fails to cover up just how terrible of a singer Barrett is. Every note she belts out sounds like she's straining herself well beyond her range, and it physically hurts to listen to. Lyrically, this is pretty much a revenge fantasy...except is it? Is it really? It's all this thought out, detailed way of which Gabby Barrett hopes the guy that broke her heart finds another girl that makes him as happy as he made her, only to break his heart time and again to mirror his own actions in his and Barrett's relationship. Except, that's just it. She hopes it happens. Oh, she's not willing to put in any of the work herself, but she just wants there to be something as what he did to her happening to him. Can we say entitlement? With other revenge fantasy songs in this vein, there was action taken to try to ensure that  the initial wrongdoer felt the same pain as their victim. Here, there's none of that. It's just Gabby wishing it all would happen, so it comes off less like a spiteful, scorned lover pouring her heart out and more like a teenage girl's whiny diary entry. And even then, that probably would've only put this song at, like, #7 or so, but then he showed up. Yeah, the remix with Charlie Puth is the version that made the YE and is still popular right now, and...dude, you built up so much good will with me with Voicenotes, why are you going back to your Nine Track Mind days, which even you admit was insipid. Aside from not sounding good at all on here, he just sings the original lyrics of the second verse with no changes other than the genders being swapped, and it completely throws off whatever balance there was to begin with. This was clearly not meant to be sung as a duet, but thanks to corporate meddling, that's what we got. Fuck this song.

3

Well, we made it this far without discussing an artist who's a terrible human being. So let me surprise you with the fact that Chris Brown isn't making the list this year. Shocking, I know, but hey, as bad as No Guidance is, I already tore it to shreds last year, and Go Crazy, to my surprise as well as many others', is a pretty solid track. It's nothing spectacular, but the fact that I had no qualms about it being a hit on a musical or lyrical level really is something I've been waiting to say again for a long time. He's still a terrible human being, but at least he gave us a song this year I didn't wanna shoot on sight. Now then, on to the person taking his spot this year.

[TW: Mental Health, Suicide]

 

3) Song: Suicidal

    Artist: YNW Melly feat. Juice WRLD

    Year-End Position: 75

     Now here's a song most of you completely forgot about. For the longest time, this was just gonna be in the dishonorable mentions. But then I actually listened to it, and......holy shit. For the uninitiated, this is YNW Melly, a rap artist who broke onto the charts last year with Mixed Personalities and Murder On My Mind, the latter of which becoming his biggest hit. However, within a couple weeks of those songs charting, he confessed to and was charged with the double murder of two of his closest friends. He is currently serving a life sentence behind bars as of this post. Now, despite the baggage associated with it as well as the fact that it was the controversy that made it a hit, which raises all sorts of questions, I actually really like Murder On My Mind. It's got a melancholic, lo-fi sound that Melly, despite his nasal performance, rides really well with some detailed story telling that hits way harder than it has any right to. But then, he somehow managed to chart this on the Hot 100, and, after the tragic passing of Juice WRLD last year, the remix of this song with him on it made a similar climb into the top 20 and became Melly's second biggest hit. Now, normally, this would be the part where I talk about grave robbery and how disgusting it is that record labels mining a dead person's unreleased material without their prior consent just to make a quick buck is disgusting in every regard possible, but this was a remix that happened well before Juice died, and he was fully involved, so thankfully, that conversation will not be applying here. Not enough of a hindrance to keep this song from winding up this high on the list because oh my god, who thought this was a good idea? Musically, this song drones on with some hazy synths that barely have any melody to them and YNW Melly at his most annoying vocally. His nasal tones didn't bother me on Murder On My Mind because he rode the beat so well and there was enough going on in the mix that it was enough to distract from it, but here, given how minimalist everything is, it protrudes from the rest of the track in the most irksome way imaginable. But then we get to the content, and......do I have to? Really? This song is about a toxic relationship where YNW Melly and his girl didn't exactly end things on the best of terms. Okay, not off to a bad start, but then it delves into how she apparently treated him so bad that his alcoholism worsened because of her and he was driven to thoughts of ending his own life. That's despicable on every ground. Did we learn nothing from SAD! a couple years ago? Why do these artists think exploiting mental health for the sake of manipulating their partners and/or getting back at them is such a good idea? It's not. It's just flat out disgusting. At least from Juice WRLD, who admittedly sounds pretty good here, it comes off as yet another example of one of his multiple cries for help that he sadly never received, but Melly doesn't give off that vibe at all, so there is no excuse for him. Yeah, this is emotional abuse, plain and simple, and on top of just being an ugly song sonically, the attitude it provides is heinous in the worst ways conceivable. Fuck you, Melly. I hope you rot in that cell.

2

For the longest time, this was my number one. It got lucky that something else came along and dethroned it, but my god, this fucking splitting headache of a song.

2) Song: Sunday Best

    Artist: Surfaces

    Year-End Position: 61

     Hey, never said it wouldn't be on the list. Anyway, you may be wondering who the hell these guys are. Allow me to fill you in. In 2017, a guy by the name of Colin Padalecki began making music with his cousin, and while attending college, began uploading that music to the internet. This garnered the attention of one Forrest Frank, a recent college graduate, who reached out to Padalecki and invited him to his houseboat to record some music. Thus was born Surfaces, who gained more than 30 million streams on Spotify and are still pretty successful to this day, this hit being a pretty clear indication of that. Now, I actually checked out all three of their albums as well as the single they made earlier this year with Elton John, and they are actually pretty good. The music tends to be pretty chill, soulful, and positive overall, and while the singing is admittedly a little flatter than it should be, it's not nearly enough to ruin the vibe the songs they make are going for, which makes a song like Sunday Best stick out like the sorest of thumbs. And stick out it does, though unfortunately in all of the worst ways possible. For starters, I completely get what these lyrics are going for. They're trying to spread positivity and get people who are feeling down and pick them up. That's a pretty good message, and the advice about leaving something better than you found it is genuinely inspiring and great, but man, does the rest of the execution get fumbled and fumbled hard. For starters, while I get the intent behind the content, pretty much all it is is "if you fall, just pick yourself back up, dust off your shoulders, and keep moving." It's fine in some circumstances, but in others, more than that needs to be done, and it's pretty tone deaf to think it can be applied to any and all hardships a person might be going through. Maybe I'm looking way too deep into it, but that's just what it comes across as to me. This, of course, certainly isn't helped with the bits where the one guy says "everyone falls down sometimes." Like, yeah, you're having a hard time right now, but everyone has struggles, so just shut up and put a smile on like the rest of us. Not to mention the line telling you to "just say whatever cuz there is no way around it." This is a line explicitly about giving up and not even attempting to face the problem head on, which is the direct opposite of what should happen. Sure, you gotta know when to pick your battles, of course, but to just say fuck it and give up is a defeatist mindset and, ironically, goes directly against what the song is going for. But honestly, none of that is even the real reason it's this high up on the list. No, that comes down to the fact that the overall sound of  this song is the textbook definition of the phrase "a headache and a half." You have the ramshackle, crackling percussion that has absolutely no groove to it whatsoever, pretty decent piano and guitar line that are actually pretty decent melodically but unfortunately gets muffled and drowned out by how loud everything else is, and overall, the whole thing just sounds like it's collapsing in on itself. This doesn't make me feel uplifted, this makes me wanna go run and hide for cover. And these guys' vocals, oh boy. I know I said they weren't that much of a problem on their other songs, but that is because of the jazzier, more laid back feel they all had. This one actually has them try to have some energy, but my god, they just don't sound good at all, not helped by all the effects on their voices that make them sound more grainy and clipped than they really should. Look, like I said, these guys are not untalented by any stretch of the imagination. Hell, Learn To Fly, the aforementioned Elton John collab, is pretty much this song but in their more comfortable smooth jazz mold and with all the condescension removed. There is absolutely no reason for this inexcusable, unmitigated disaster to exist, and yet something else topped it in terms of awfulness this year. I think you know what we have to get through before that, though.

Dishonorable Mentions

Song: If The World Was Ending

Artist: JP Saxe feat. Julia Michaels

Year-End Position: 56

They turned a song about the end of the world into boring, petty melodrama that isn't even that relatable. Honestly, I'd probably be more pissed if it weren't so in one ear and out the other for me. Next.

Song: Falling

Artist: Trevor Daniel

Year-End Position: 22

Incredibly white fuckboi rap that drones on and feels like an eternity. It's not the worst song in this vein, but it's still not good by any stretch of the imagination. Pass.

Song: POPSTAR

Artist: DJ Khaled feat. Drake

Year-End Position: 66

Drake, what the actual fuck are you doing? Toosie Slide was also pretty bad, and I know you're no stranger to embarrassing yourself, but this is a new low even for you.

Song: Party Girl

Artist: StaySolidRocky

Year-End Position: 64

I get what this was going for, but it's just so dour and such a drag to listen to that it just doesn't work.

Song: Sum 2 Prove

Artist: Lil Baby

Year-End Position: 79

You know, Lil Baby actually has made quite a bit of improvement. It's just a shame that you wouldn't know it from two songs from earlier this year and late last year that landed here. This one is just plain sounds like greasy ass.

Song: Said Sum

Artist: Moneybagg Yo

Year-End Position: 98

Annoyingly performed and produced, but what really landed it here was the tasteless as fuck COVID-19, reference. Fuck you, dude.

Song: Mood Swings

Artist: Pop Smoke feat. Lil Tjay

Year-End Position: 81

Okay, Pop Smoke was an incredibly talented rapper, and his murder was tragic in every sense of the word, but I'm sorry, this is just gross, and not just on a lyrical level, but also with all the disgusting autotune slathered all over Lil Tjay's vocals on this song. Rest In Peace, Pop Smoke, but this just does not work whatsoever.

Song: One Margarita

Artist: Luke Bryan

Year-End Position: 70

It's honestly actually pretty fine for the most part......and then that ugly, buzzy chorus comes in and brings the whole song down.

Okay, let's end this.

1

Okay, I made reference to this guy in my worst list last year, and if you thought for one second that I thought that I was giving this guy a pass at all, well......think again.

1) Song: Hard To Forget

    Artist: Sam Hunt

    Year-End Position: 69

     You know, I made the comment last year that Chase Rice was worse overall than Sam Hunt, but believe you me, that's only on a musical level, and even then, only because Rice hasn't made a single song I like whereas Hunt at least has Leave The Night On and House Party. However, even with those songs, it's still not exactly a hill I'm willing to die on because those songs as well as his cover of Keith Urban's Cop Car are the only good songs he's done. I listened to Montevallo back in 2015, and while my dumb self got somehow tricked into liking it at the time (including Take Your Time, which still bewilders me how I ever liked that song as it gets worse and worse everytime I hear it), slowly but surely, over time, I just realized how much of a complete and utter dickweed this guy was. He's been called many things by several other critics, from lazy to obnoxious to just straight up not knowing what the fuck he's doing, but for me, the two most accurate descriptions that stand out to me are braying and douchebaggy. Everything about this guy is just the meatheaded remains of every other bro country artists' scraps thrown together in a blender with no cohesion or self-awareness, and even if there was, he would still do what he does without any regard to either the moral implications or just how plain stupid it would make him sound. It's just this guy's worst impulses coupled with awful production, terrible writing, and just being completely terrible pieces of "music" in every regard possible. In 2017, this guy had run the absolute last of my patience thin when he released both Drinkin' Too Much and Body Like A Back Road, the latter of which became the biggest "country" hit of that year, and it wasn't until this year that he absolutely refused to put anything else out aside from a few singles splattering months apart from one another, none of them turning out to be any good, mind you, and it just seemed like we were destined to continue repeating the cycle until, finally, he put out his 2020 album, Southside, and dumpster fire would be an understatement. Some of the worst production choices made, not just in country music, but any genre period, Sam's smug, up-his-own-ass delivery never letting up even once, and writing so mind-numbingly angering that it made me wanna set things on fire and then burn myself with the still smoldering ashes. The fact that this song isn't even the worst track from that trash heap and is still abhorrent enough to top this list should give you every single reason to avoid that album in just about every way you can. So, the song itself. Where to even begin? How about the random assortment of noises that calls itself a beat. If it wasn't obvious enough, this samples the 1953 song There Stands The Glass by Webb Pierce, a mournful country ballad about a guy that drinks to forget the fact that his woman left him. It's pretty standard in terms of old school country music, but it's simple and effective, and it gets the job done. Leave it to Samuel Hunter over here, though, to absolutely fucking mutilate it by adding a trap beat way too far to the front of the mix that's a complete jackhammer through the skull, add so many unnecessary reverb effects to Pierce's vocals that it quite literally pierces the eardrums (say what you want about the Corona sample in RITMO, at least that one fit in with the rhythm of the song, pun intended), and make the guitars and banjos so rubbery and twangy that it crushes any chance that this would be listenable into a fine powder. Cacophonous and skin crawling and every single regard.  But then we get to the content and......holy fuck, who greenlit this? Essentially, Sam and the girl in this song have been broken up, but due to the small town they both live in, he keeps seeing things that remind him of her at every turn. Think the track off of Montevallo, Break Up In A Small Town, but even more obnoxious, and even then, at least that one tried to have a real sense of anguish and show that Hunt really was pained by the situation. Here, everything is just so chipper and upbeat that it's a colossal tonal mismatch, and misses the point of the song entirely. But here's the real kicker: instead of just chalking things up to mere coincidence, as he should, he instead tries to gaslight the listener with the ridiculous and frankly insidious notion that this is all some sort of plot to make his life post-break up a living hell and just play hard to forget with him (and do I even need to tell you how cringeworthy that "play on words" is?). Now, I'm not sure if Sam Hunt knows that what he's doing here is just plain idiotic and steps over the line into creepy territory, especially with how he talks about how he sees her face in the clouds and smells her perfume in crowds, but honestly, I don't care because this nasty goop is drizzled all throughout the song, and it makes me feel like no amount of q-tips could ever be enough to thoroughly clean my ears sufficiently to rid myself of being even anywhere near what this jack-off is spouting out of his face hole. Dude, you and her are through. GET! THE FUCK! OVER! IT! Jeez, if this is how you are in the aftermath, I can only imagine how you treated her during the relationship. Hell, even she knows what a wreck you are.

"Told me to leave all your things

out on the porch on the swing

you'd come and grab 'em

by the end of the week"

See? Even she's caught on to your shit. So let's see, we got a delusional fuckface delivering in the most disinterested and smug tone how this girl has some sinister plot to mess with his head even though he's clearly out of his fucking gourd, unlistenable instrumentation that drives me up the highest of walls, anything else reprehensible you wanna throw in there, you walrus fucking shit goblin of a human being?

"I got a bottle of whiskey

but I got no proof

That you showed up tonight

In that dress

Just to mess with my head"

Pure, unapologetic slut shaming, clear as crystal, because that's what a song like this needed. Oh, and I wasn't kidding about the rest of that album being just as if not even more horrible. Hell, do I even need to bring up that That Ain't Beautiful is just "hey girl, you're sad, so stop it, cuz it's unattractive"? Or that one of the better cuts from that record is called......*sigh* Breaking Up Was Easy In The '90's? All of this paired with the fact that he just slapped Drinkin' Too Much and Body Like A Back Road on it for pretty much no reason to show how much of a lazy asshole he is, and no, I'm done here. MCA Nashville, get your fucking shit together, start promoting more women in country, and quit giving attention to drivel like this. Worst hit of the year, without question. Hell, probably one of the worst songs to even touch the Hot 100, period. Best list coming soon. See you all then.