Top 10 Best Hit Songs Of 2018

Now that we've taken out the trash, time to put the fresh bag in, put the lid back on, and go eat some desert by going through the best of what this year had to offer. No time to waste, so here we go.

10

Oh hey, the best single from Evolve was a hit, and I get to talk about it now. 😃

10) Song: Whatever It Takes

      Artist: Imagine Dragons

      Year-End Position: 37

     I was definitely way too hard on ol' Gonad Migraines last year. I've revisited some of their stuff from Evolve, and it really is a good album. Hell, I've even grown massively to like Thunder. Part of that comes in just how much raw power and intensity a lot of their material has, and if you want a good example of that, look no further than Whatever It Takes. This song was amazing the first time I heard it, and a year later, it still holds up incredibly well. Dan Reynolds' weary triplet flow against the atmospheric synths and liquid guitars, the gathering intensity of the prechorus with Dan's delivery picking up some grit against that blocky groove of the percussion, and then that explosive chorus comes in with the smoldering guitars and everything just blowing up in the most epic way possible. Lyrically, it's about doing whatever it takes to reach the top, starting out apprehensive about what's to come, but then slowly but surely gaining more and more confidence to take on the obstacles in your path until you finally make it. That's a sentiment that I think a lot of people can relate to, and the execution was handled quite well. Nor really much to say here, it's just a really good pop rock song. Good job, Imagine Dragons. Hope you keep this up in the future.

9

Country had a good year this year. That said, I honestly wasn't expecting this song in particular to land on this list, but what can I say? It snuck up on me.

9) Song: One Number Away

    Artist: Luke Combs

    Year-End Position: 96

     Luke Combs falls in a bit of a tricky spot for me. He's an artist that's consistently good but not great, making music that's easily accessible but not exactly the most captivating thing in the world. That said, the more listens I've given to this song in particular, the more I've found myself drawn in. While the production is a little stiffer than I would otherwise prefer, the guitars and piano offer a somber tone that works really well in the song's favor. Combs' rougher tones fit like a glove as he sings about trying to convince himself that he's over his ex, but in reality, he's on the verge of begging this girl to come back to him. He knows that it isn't the best thing to do, but he can't think of anywhere else to turn. And it really is made clear throughout the song that he is trying that makes this song work as well as it does. If it had just been a stereotypical song about Combs' saying he's sad that his girl left him and just begging her to come back, it wouldn't have been as interesting and might've even been insufferable, but Luke Combs is just enough of a compelling performer and writer that he knows how to avoid such pitfalls and is able to give off enough emotional presence in his performance that he is believable and easy to sympathize with. It's not the most interesting thing in the world, I will freely admit that, but for a simple little country song to listen to every now and again, I'm not gonna deny that it works. I'll take it.

8

......stream Delicate.

8) Song: Delicate

    Artist: Taylor Swift

    Year-End Position: 24

     Well, say what you want about Taylor Swift over the last several months, this is just absolutely stunning. I'll admit that reputation was pretty messy with some really low points like Look What You Made Me Do and ...Ready For It?, but at the same time, you also had some pretty high points like End Game, Getaway Car, and this song right here, Delicate. The ebbing synths that add this layer of a languid undercurrent against the gentle bass and low piano make this absolutely transcendent on an aesthetic level. Swift's vocals might just be the best they've sounded in a while. Her softer, more vulnerable tones sound as delicate as the title implies, and the autotune used on the hook is just ethereal. Every time I hear this song, I can just feel all my stress just melt away, which coincidentally fits well with the subject matter of the song. In this song, Taylor Swift is nervous about entering into a relationship with this guy because of all the baggage she has as a celebrity as well as the controversy surrounding not just her luck with relationships, but also who she is as a person. She sees how he treats her and is both ecstatic and relieved that he's able to look past all the publicity stunts she or those around her have pulled and is able to accept her for who she is in spite of all the stigma that comes with doing that. It's Taylor Swift at her most vulnerable, and if there's one lane that she's proven to work incredibly well for her with songs like Back To December and Style, it'd be that, and this is a prime example right here. Essentially, it can be considered a diamond in the rough (and I do mean really, really rough), and man alive does it shine all the same.

7

Oh hey, I finally get to praise a song by these guys on here.

7) Song: Powerglide

    Artist: Rae Sremmurd feat. Juicy J

    Year-End Position: 97

     I have been realizing over the past year or so that I was way too hard on these guys. These are merely nothing more than two kids just trying to have some fun, and the energy that they exude in most of their songs definitely shows. Now, does this mean that I like all of their songs? Well, no, but given production with quite a bit of energy and drive behind it, they can make some straight up jams. And if you want proof of that, then look no further than Powerglide. Man alive, this song is just a blast to listen to. Neither of what Swae Lee or Slim Jxmmi are saying is all that new or intricate, but my god, they just have so much charisma and personality in their performances that I just can't help but hop in and tag along for the ride. Same can be said about Juicy J as he just brings it on this song as well. But I'll be honest, the main reason this song is on here is because of that beat. Holy shit, did Rae Sremmurd pick a winner here. This quick paced, energetic sample of Three 6 Mafia's Side 2 Side works wonders as the propulsive cellos mesh incredibly well with the trap hi hats, and the subtle knock of the bass is enough to get crowds of people pumped. Anytime I listen to this song, I just get the incredible urge to get the hell up out of my seat and dance like a maniac, that's how awesome it is. It's a straight up banger that I am sure will get anyone moving within a matter of mere seconds. That's all it aimed to accomplish, and that's all it needed to do, and man, did it pass the test with flying colors. I consider that a win in my book.

6

Ooh, more good country music.

6) Song: Tequila

    Artist: Dan + Shay

    Year-End Position: 32

     Now here's a song I was not expecting to be as big a hit as it was but am no less glad that it was. Seriously, Dan + Shay, while they have shown that they do in fact have crossover appeal, they've never been able to achieve that before now, and it always seemed like something that just wasn't meant to be.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT!

Thankfully, however, they not only were able to have some real success with this song, but it managed to almost crack the top 20 and finish just outside the top 30 of the year-end chart. Admittedly, it's not their best song, but I'll be damned if it isn't just a solid song all around. The stately piano surrounded by the more ambient effects in the production make this both a somber yet relaxing listen, and combined with Dan + Shay's smooth vocals, it really is a song that's quite the interesting listen, only made more compelling by the writing of how these guys can do pretty much anything without a hitch, but as soon as the taste of tequila hits their lips, they're taken back to relationships that have some painful memories but also some of the happiest ones they ever had. It's the little details that really do show that each of us have that one thing that's hard for us to return to because of a particularly excruciating moment in our lives, but we still sometimes do because we also recognize that it's moments like those that made us stronger and who we are today. It's a song that's more emotional than otherwise expected, and I'm glad it was a hit.

5

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, all of my fucking yes.

5) Song: How Long

    Artist: Charlie Puth

    Year-End Position: 65

     So, Charlie Puth released his sophomore album, Voicenotes, and I have no regrets in saying it's fantastic. Not even kidding, it is a great album filled with a ton of groove and pretty much took everything wrong with Nine Track Mind and threw all of it in the garbage and replaced it with, you know, actual good music. The bland, questionable lyrics have been swapped out for those that have actual bite and detail to them, the bland, uninteresting backing instrumentals have been swapped out for ones with actual groove and energy to them, and while Puth hasn't really improved that much as a vocalist, his beats are able to support his voice way better than in the past. That's what worked so well about Attention from last year, and it's what works incredibly well in How Long. That bassline is a real groover. Mixed in with that percussion, cowbell, and those funky guitars, you'd never be able to guess that none of it used real instruments and instead was all made on Charlie Puth's desktop computer. Not only that, but Puth's breathier delivery actually mixes surprisingly well with the production. He stays in his lower register for most of the song, but even when he dips into his falsetto, even that's not nearly as grating as it usually is. Lyrically, it's a song where Puth tries to make excuses for cheating and even tries to turn it back on the girl to make her seem like she's in the wrong. Normally, this would make my skin crawl, but Puth is actually smart enough to not frame himself as the victim here and instead sing the chorus from the girl's perspective where she cuts through his bullshit and is not playing any of his games. It's a genius move from someone who, in the past, I wouldn't have thought of being capable of such intricacy, but this just goes to show that impressions of an artist, just as they can go from positive to negative, they can also go from negative to positive, and if you want another example of that......

4

Okay, something that became incredibly important for me to focus on this year was my own mental health. Unfortunately, I hit a real low point this year that I'd rather not go into, but thankfully, I have long since been able to pull myself out of that hole with the help of my loved ones as well as, in part, a few songs, this one being one of them.

4) Song: In My Blood

    Artist: Shawn Mendes

    Year-End Position: 46

     I'll admit my relationship with Shawn Mendes' music has been pretty rocky. I liked Stitches when I first heard it back in 2015, but it didn't take long for it to sour on me, and while I Know What You Did Last Summer was pretty decent, Treat You Better was and still is my pick for the worst hit song of 2016. But, to my surprise, Mercy wasn't that bad, and hell, There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back was straight up incredible, so he showed that he did still have potential in him. And with this song, he certainly lives up to that potential because man, this is cathartic as hell. The sparse guitar melody that accompanies the piano and acoustic guitar really does create this swirling background that sounds defeated and reserved but still keeps its focus in tact. This fits perfectly with the lyrics as they describe the feeling one goes through when severe anxiety is present. You feel alone, even in crowds of people, you lay alone on the floor and in some cases don't feel like going anywhere, you search your phone desperately looking for something to help you escape all the stress you're under, and no matter how many times you're told it'll get better or overly simplistic solutions you're offered, you question how true that is. Yet, even with that, you know it's not in you to give up on what you wanna do or commit suicide or anything like that in spite of how much those thoughts of loneliness and fear rattle around in your brain. It's a powerful as hell song, and Shawn's weary delivery really helps. Not only that, but as well as it works on its own, it gets even better when you learn that Shawn Mendes' frequent songwriter (who had a hand in writing this song as well), Teddy Geiger, came out as trans last October, and this song can perfectly encapsulate what those who experience gender dysphoria. It's a great song not just from an analytical standpoint, but also one that could be good to listen to to help one calm down after being real stressed out.

3

Well, what could be higher than the intense song about struggling to control one's anxiety and feeling trapped inside one's own head? Oh, you know, a bright, happy, new-jack swing throwback from an old friend of ours.

3) Song: Finesse (Remix)

    Artist: Bruno Mars feat. Cardi B

    Year-End Position: 14

     Yep, you all saw this one coming. Gonna be honest, I am kicking myself for not including 24K Magic on last year's list. It was fun, energetic, and dripping with swagger through Bruno's sheer cockiness and the glitzy '80s throwback production, even if it was basically a retread of Uptown Funk. So, was Bruno Mars able to capture lightning in a bottle three times in a row with this song? You bet your sweet ass he was. Bruno has always been good at throwback material, and this song right here is yet another example of that. This go-'round, he's taking his jab at new-jack swing, and you better believe he rocks the fuck out of  it. From the more industrial groove of the instrumentation to Bruno just oozing charisma all over the track to the inclusivity of the lyrics basically talking about how great he and his girl look together in the club, everything about this song is a complete and utter delight to listen to. I dare you to not dance to it when it comes on at a party or get-together or anything like that. Then you get Cardi B on the remix with her brand of carefree energy and intensity, and is it any wonder that this song is making so many best lists? Not much else to say about it other than it's awesome. But we still got two more to go.

2

Of all the songs to make this year's year-end chart, this is the one I was probably expecting the least to make it apart from maybe Powerglide. That said, it's also the one I am happiest about making it (apart from my number one, of course) because, just......wow.

2) Song: IDGAF

    Artist: Dua Lipa

    Year-End Position: 98

     This song peaked at #49 on the Billboard Hot 100 and had an incredibly rocky run on the charts. The fact that it was a hit at all, let alone gained enough points to make the YE, really is astounding. To put it simply, Dua Lipa is a force to be reckoned with. She has an incredible voice, her production hits you like a ton of bricks, and her songwriting is as sharp as the tack a mischievous kid would leave in their teacher's chair for them to sit on. New Rules may have been the bigger hit, and while that's also a great song, it really was IDGAF that proved it could stand the test of times. The restrained guitar melody that permeates the verses against the snaps that are later accompanied by the marching drums and plinking pianos give this song a ton of spark and vigor. Then you have the biting snark in Dua Lipa's delivery that let you know that she isn't putting up with any shit. Any and every excuse this guy she dumped tries to throw her way she is shutting down each and every single time, and that definitely reflects in the writing. The guy's been giving her shit for too long, and the anger has built up in Dua so much that she can't take it anymore. He lies, cheats, plays the victim, and constantly tries to flip the situation back on her to make her seem like she's in the wrong, and she's done playing his little games. Then, when he comes back to her after she sent his sorry ass to the curb, he tries to sob his way back into her heart, but since she knows he'd just go back to doing the same ol' shit, she puts her foot down and tells the dude to get the fuck out. It's triumphant as hell, and honestly, that's what places this up so high. It's the defining song of a moment when you finally free yourself from something or someone that you know is toxic and are now able to just go out and enjoy living your life. It's the curb-stomp that hits you in the gut and makes you enjoy the many feelings that hit you, and boy oh boy, I'd be lying if I said I didn't. Fantastic song.

And now, to blow through the honorable mentions:

HM1) Song: Say Something

           Artist: Justin Timberlake feat. Chris Stapleton

           Year-End Position: 85

We gave Chris Stapleton a top 10 hit and a spot on a year-end chart. Of course that makes me happy, especially since it's a song where he and JT soulfully sing about how, despite wanting to just remain silent and not get caught up in the madness, sometimes you feel as though you have to speak up, even if it may not be the best thing to do over this acoustic driven, groove heavy pop production that suits them both well. Bass is a little overpowering, which keeps it off the list proper, but certainly not too distractingly so to keep it from getting at least a mention.

HM2) Song: Wolves

           Artist: Selena Gomez & Marshmello

           Year-End Position: 60

Atmospheric, relaxing, and just a flat out good pop song. Nothing more, nothing less.

Also, I see you reading this list, Mark. 😉

HM3) Song: Youngblood

           Artist: 5 Seconds Of Summer

           Year-End Position: 36

Spacey guitars in the verses that transition into a propulsive, galloping bass groove in the hook with lyrics that detail the struggles of two young people in an on-again/off-again relationship? Hell yeah, I'm game. Good job, 5SOS.

HM4) Song: New Rules

           Artist: Dua Lipa

           Year-End Position: 16

Dua Lipa, I don't know what we did to deserve you, but I'm glad you're here and I sincerely hope you stick around.

HM5) Song: Perfect

           Artist: Ed Sheeran

           Year-End Position: 2

I don't care what anyone says, this song is genuinely sweet and heartwarming.

HM6) Song: Nice For What

           Artist: Drake

           Year-End Position: 11

Fun, bouncy, actually empowering to women, and what the rest of Scorpion should've been.

HM7) Song: I Like It

           Artist: Cardi B feat. Bad Bunny & J Balvin

           Year-End Position: 7

Banger.

HM8) Song: Lemon

           Artist: N.E.R.D. feat. Rihanna

           Year-End Position: 83

This is a fun and bouncy little pop song, but for whatever reason, I just didn't find myself returning to it as much as I hoped I would. Still really good, though.

HM9) Song: Don't Go Breaking My Heart

           Artist: Backstreet Boys

           Year-End Position: none/Peak: 63

This doesn't qualify, I'm just mentioning it because it would've topped the entire list had it actually been a hit. 

 

And now for what actually did top the list......

1

My number one pick for this year is a song that I knew was destined to top this list from the minute I heard it. And yet, there were multiple points in the year where it almost didn't, either because I feared that it wouldn't make the year-end list or because I wound up listening to other songs more and thought they were gonna top this list. Alas, I just couldn't bring myself to place this song anywhere else, and it is with great honors that I present the most improved artist of the year award as well as the top spot on this list......... to Mr. Thomas Rhett. 

1) Song: Marry Me

    Artist: Thomas Rhett

    Year-End Position: 76

 

     If there was any artist this year that I was shocked at just how much they improved, it would be Thomas Rhett. Seriously, just three years ago, this guy's main top 40 hit at the time, Crash & Burn, was a song where he sang in the smarmiest possible tone over production that was slapdash and sloppily interpolated (and supposedly stole) a Sam Cooke song about how "whoops, ruined another relationship, when will I ever learn? *cue laughtrack*". Songs like that, especially coming from him, were genuinely infuriating, and his album, Tangled Up, was a grating, disgusting listen, so needless to say, there didn't seem to be anything about this guy that was good even if songs like Die A Happy Man were pretty solid. But then he made a pivot that I don't think anyone expected. He decided to settle down and come to the realization that his more obnoxious side was driving some away and that he needed to settle down and do some growing up, which is what the focal point of what is most recent album, Life Changes, was. In turn, while the music got a bit safer, it also got better. Craving You was pretty decent even if it did completely waste Maren Morris, Unforgettable was a chill, laid back beach tune, and Sixteen and the title track were a bit hokey, to be sure, but they still had a bit of groove to them with writing that, while corny, was still pretty well put together and a bit more insightful. All of that being said, no other song can be pointed to that best shows Rhett's newfound maturity than the album's third single, Marry Me. I am not kidding when I say that this is an absolutely gorgeous song to listen to. The elegant pianos, the sweeping strings, gentle acoustic and electric guitars, it's all genuinely amazing even if the drums are a tad heavy in the mix. Add on to that, Rhett's delivery here is nothing to scoff at. His more held back, softer delivery really is enough to bring me close to tears each and every time. And the lyrics......oh boy, these lyrics are a complete masterclass in how to write a compelling story in a song. It opens up with Thomas making it seem like it's just gonna be a normal wedding song, only to reveal at the end of the chorus that the girl is actually marrying somebody else instead of him. He then reminisces about the times he's been with her from their childhood friendship to acknowledging that he blew his shot by not expressing his feelings to her when he had the chance, and right at the end, he's presented with the opportunity to go find her and make up for lost time by showing her how he feels in the hopes she'll ditch her current soon-to-be husband for him. However, in a surprising and satisfying as hell twist, he lets that opportunity go too, and he bites the bullet, throws back his shot of whiskey, and just supports her and her new husband. It's incredibly mature, and it makes it easy to sympathize with Rhett for one simple reason: he puts her feelings before his in an act of total selflessness. It wasn't an easy decision, but he knew he had no other choice. If he had caused a big scene, it would've only made things worse, so what else could he do but take the high road? It hurts that he has to let her go, but in the end, as painful as it may be, it's something that's best for not just her, but for him and everyone else involved. It's a song that tugs at your heartstrings and earns the right to do so one thousand fold. What else do I need to add? Easily my pick for the best hit song of 2018. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, take care, and have a happy new year.

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs Of 2018

2018 as a year in music: it sucked. I could go more in depth, but I know that's not what you're here for, and besides, there are many people who can explain both in the lists that have already been released and the many that we are to see in the coming weeks what made this year so bad way better than I ever could. Enough stalling, let's begin.

10

Goddammit, Adam Levine. Why won't you just leave already?

10) Song: Wait

      Artist: Maroon 5

      Year-End Position: 58

    Seriously, why do we keep giving this "band" at least one hit year after year? It's been known since at least 2012 that it's pretty much been turned into an Adam Levine solo project with the quality of each song getting worse and worse save for a few exceptions here and there. Wait is not one of those exceptions. Levine sounds bored as usual as he absolutely phones in his performance for the hundred and eightieth time, the song meanders and never gains any of the momentum it should, and what makes this particular Adam Levine snoozer in particular awful is that it's a Maroon 5 trap song. You heard that right, Levine tried his hand at trap, and yeah, it went about as well as you'd expect. Adam bored performance does not mesh well with the production at all, and his falsetto as well as the whirring upward progression of the melody on the final line of the chorus is grating as hell, the hi hats are cheap, overproduced, and shoved way too front of the mix, and it's not like they're masking much between the thin guitar line, weedy synths and barely noticeable strips of bad autotune. The lyrics basically show Adam Levine drunkenly crashing his ex's wedding, which could have been utilized had more thought been put into the writing, but given that this is a modern day Maroon 5 song, of course that wasn't going to happen, and instead we have Levine just plain acting like a jackass. What else is new? Garbage song from a "band" that just needs to go away already, let's just move on.

9

But on the complete opposite end of the spectrum of awful......

9) Song: FRIENDS

    Artist: Marshmello & Anne-Marie

    Year-End Position: 26

     Oh dear god, this mess. I'll admit I don't mind Marshmello as much as my peers, but holy fuck, did he shit the bed on this one. This beat is absolutely atrocious. Weak acoustic guitar, stiff percussion, ugly bass, and that drop, oh my god that drop. It's this clusterfuck of synths that all clash severely with one another. There's no coherent melody or groove to get behind, and the whole thing is just plain unlistenable. There's also that g-funk-esque synth-bass combo tagged on to the last minute of the song that's just, like, the worst. Then we come to Anne-Marie, and Christ this woman just cannot sing. With the exception of Rockabye from last year, her nasal tone has never sounded good, and the fact that she cannot stay on key to save her life is just a nuisance through and through. But then we get to the lyrics, and there is a lot to unpack about this song's writing. Basically, it's the OFFICIAL FRIEND ZONE ANTHEM......I'm not kidding, that's literally the official moniker that was given to it. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have a romantic relationship with someone and rather remain as only acquaintances. That said, the problems with this song are two fold. One is the fact that the way it's sung is with this veneer of sheer unearned arrogance as if it's some grand accomplishment that Anne-Marie is merely relegating this guy to being friends with her rather than being in a relationship with him, and I'm sorry, but that just makes her sound like a complete bitch. The other thing, however, is that the dude she's talking about in this scenario is someone who she shouldn't be remaining friends with, but rather someone who she should file a fucking restraining order against. Seriously, the dude shows up at her house at two in the morning, which he's apparently done multiple times, and she never once thought to cut him the fuck out of her life? Seriously, she says she's had this conversation with him "one two three four five six thousand times," and by her own admission, the dude can't be reasoned with. Lady, at this point, if you haven't figured it out yet, maybe you're part of the problem. And this was Marshmello's biggest hit this year, just friggin' lovely. NEXT!

 8

Just when you think this guy can't get more ubiquitous. Or worse.

8) Song: I'm Upset

    Artist: Drake

    Year-End Position: 86

      Okay, so, unlike Maroon 5, I can at least somewhat understand why Drake is being kept around seeing as he can occasionally string together some clever punchlines, be pretty melodic, and be backed up by some nice production every now and again. That said, that makes his gradual decline in quality all the more disappointing because it shows that he does have potential, and yet he continuously chooses to waste it. Take the singles from his most recent album, Scorpion, for example. The rest of them were pretty good, and then in the middle of the cake, he decides to take a big ol' shit on it with this song. For real, what is this beat? Rinky dink synths that jack the melody from Bank Account by 21 Savage (a much better song, might I add), the cheap knock of the trap drums, and what sounds like dolphin noises barging in at random intervals, it's just a mess. A boring, uninspired mess. Drake sounds unenthused as usual, and any damn near nonexistent attempt to add any sort of bombast to his delivery does not show through at all. But let's be real, the actual reason this is here is because of the writing. This shows Drake at one of his most punchable as the whole song is him being misogynistic towards women describing how it's only women he shoots below the neck, bitching about how he "can't go fifty-fifty with no ho" (real classy, asshole), and constantly bitching and whining that he's supposed to pay her bills every month. You poor fucking soul. Oh, and given how much of a deadbeat Drake is, I'm only left to assume the bills he's talking about are child support. Ugh, the less I have to think about this dickbag's awful songs, the better.

7

And speaking of misogynistic dickbags......

7) Song: Lucid Dreams

    Artist: Juice WRLD (yes, that really is his name)

    Year-End Position: 12

     I didn't wanna have to talk about this song. Seriously, I was content just leaving this as a dishonorable mention where I wouldn't have to give it any more attention than it deserves. But the much worse All Girls Are The Same missed the year-end list, so here we are. First of all, while the Sting sample in the beat does sound pretty nice, it's unfortunately drowned out in this overpowering, gummy bass that just hurts to listen to. As a frontman, Juice WRLD just cannot sing. His raspy tones absolutely grate on my ears, and my god, his moody delivery is just plain sour and irritating to listen to. But then we get to the writing, and just fucking hell. This is nothing but the meanderings of a kid who has never had his heart broken before, has the emotional maturity of a potato chip, and just decided to bitch whatever came into his head into the studio's mic. He says she's "made out of plastic, FAKE!" and how he misses her and "who knew evil girls had the prettiest face" and fuck you, asshole. Heartbreak being a painful experience is understandable, but you seriously need to calm your shit. Yes, you thought she was the one for you and she wasn't. Whoopty shit. From the way you're presenting yourself on this song, if this is anywhere close to how you acted while she was with you, then you obviously have some growing up to do because if you don't, then the only girls who will find you attractive in terms of personality are the ones you want to stay the fuck away from at all costs. Oh, and then he leans into straight up stalker territory with telling her "I won't let you forget me" after she finds another dude who she's happy with, and yeah, no, we're done here. Fuck this song.

6

We keep giving this abuser hits despite the fact that he never gives genuine apologies and only reveals himself to be more and more disgusting. And this time it was with an unfunny "comedy" rapper. We live in a society.

6) Song: Freaky Friday

    Artist: Lil Dicky feat. Chris Brown

    Year-End Position: 55

     This goes in and out of my brain, and I hate every single time it comes back in. For the love of all that is holy, can we please stop giving Chris Brown any more chart success? He only pulls the curtain back further and further to show how much of a blight on society he is, but even beyond that, the songs he has chart keep getting worse and worse. But even with that, I still wasn't expecting this. A song with unfunny sleazeball Lil Dicky for a song about body swapping. Alright, not exactly original as a general topic in media, but for hit songs, it's not something we've seen before I don't think. Shame the final product is this insulting. To get the aesthetic qualities out of the way, DJ Mustard's beat is the dated,bland, and generic sound he should've left in 2014, Chris Brown's singing is mediocre and slathered in gratuitous amounts of ear piercing autotune, and Lil Dicky has some of the most clumsy and unfocused flows I've ever heard. But all of that wouldn't be enough to qualify it for the list alone, no no no, because then we get to the content. Basically, since it's a body swapping song, everytime Chris Brown sings, it's Dicky singing from Chris's perspective and vice versa when Lil Dicky's rapping. Basically, while Dicky is in Chris Brown's body, he admires how big his dick is (gross), muses about how great it is that he can say the n-word (not touching that one), and discovers how awesome it is to be famous. Meanwhile, while Brown is in Dicky's body, he gets to delight in the fact that

"Ain't nobody judgin' cuz I'm black, or my controversial past"

Fffffuuuuuuuccccckkkkk yyyyyoooooouuuuuu.

You are Chris fucking Brown. You have abused multiple women in your lifetime, have had several violent outbursts and temper tantrums, have never given a sincere apology for it, and constantly try to make yourself look like the victim when it's very clearly the opposite. Go to hell, you sick bastard. There isn't anything "controversial" about your past (or your present, for that matter), it's just plain despicable. Oh, and apparently the key to Dicky and Brown going back to their original bodies was just that Chris needed to "love himself." Yes, because one of the most egomaniacal singers currently working today clearly needs to just have even more self-confidence. Bite me. The song ends with Dicky hopping in Ed Sheeran's, DJ Khaled's, and Kendal Jenner's bodies, the last of whom's nether regions he explores without consent, and yeah, no, let's just move on before I vomit.

5

Apparently, misogyny was so prevalent in the worst hits of this year that even our non-English hits have it in them. Just fucking lovely.

5) Song: Te Boté

    Artist: Nio García, Darell & Casper Mágico feat. Bad Bunny, Nicky Jam & Ozuna)

    Year-End Position: 81

     Seven minutes. This song is seven. fucking. minutes. long. Why is this song seven minutes long? It's so goddamn uninteresting. The synths are dreary, the stale piano chords are way too low in the mix, and lack any interesting melodies, the trap percussion is stuttered and sounds awful, and none of our performers can sing at all. Seriously, this mix sounds so empty and lacking, and it is nowhere near enough to support any of these singers' voices, who all suck in varying ways. Whether it be the vibrantly grating tones of Ozuna and Casper Mágico, the low, mumbled delivery and Darell or Bad Bunny, or the just plain blandness of Nio García and Nicky Jam, none of these guys sound good at all. But then we get to the lyrics, and holy fucking shit. Basically, it's a pissy breakup anthem, but the overabundance of flexing and toxic masculinity on display is so fucking gross. What these guys are saying is that they're all so rich and over their exes that they don't want them to come back and are so rich and can get any girl they want and jesus fuck, shut the fuck up already. You overcompensating for your inability to be at least a little respectful of the women you're dating or to keep your damn ego in check doesn't make anyone wanna sympathize with you. In fact, all it does is make us wanna punch each and every one of you square in the nuts. The thing that really tips this in to true awfulness, though, is that the English translation of the title literally means these fellows are gonna dump their girls, but not just in the typical breaking up sort of meaning, no no no, they're gonna throw them out like one would their trash. You heard right, these men really view their exes as literal garbage. Bad Bunny even says that she's so broken she can't be recycled. Just......why? Fuck this song and fuck these assholes for thinking this was ever a good idea.

4

4) Song: Taste

    Artist: Tyga feat. Offset

    Year-End Position: 28

     Oh great, we're letting the guy who was creeping on Kylie Jenner when she was still in her teens have another hit. Any other pedophiles you wanna make famous, America?

3) Song: FEFE

    Artist: 6ix9ine feat. Nicki Minaj & Murda Beatz

    Year-End Position: 31

     I WASN'T BEING FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!!!

Uuuuuuugh, these songs. Where do I even start?
 For starters, who wanted Tyga back? He's a charisma free artist who actively sucks the soul out of anything he's on, and the amount of just sliminess he exudes on his songs is just plain intolerable. But, much to the chagrin of any decent human being, he came back and had a hit this year with Taste, and I am not exaggerating when I say that this is easily his worst hit. Of course Tyga absolutely phones in his performance about all the girls he can get to fuck him with some unimpressive wordplay and a humorously bad line about girls sucking him like a Hi-C, and Offset trying his best to save this song and failing. But honestly, none of that would be bad enough for this song to make this list. No, that would be the beat. Seriously, this tense bass coupled with that cooing sample genuinely makes this uncomfortable to listen to. That wouldn't be a problem if it fit what the song was going for, but this is supposed to be a turn-up song. One that's supposed to get crowds of people hyped. The last thing I wanna feel is my skin crawl.
     Pretty much everything I said about Taste can be copied and pasted when discussing FEFE, only what places this one higher is the fact that at least Taste has somewhat of a melody. FEFE, meanwhile, just uses this washed out, muffled drone that makes the song feel like a damn eternity, 6ix9ine singing in the same exact note throughout the entire song, and basically talking about sexing a girl and then kicking her to the curb like the disposable piece of meat he sees her as. And Nicki, dear lord, Nicki, what the hell are you doing here? 2018 may not have been a good year for you, but even you should know better than to lower yourself to working with someone who was convicted of using a 13-year-old as a sexual object in one of his music videos. Both of these are damn near equally shitty, and believe me, if it wasn't for the sparse hints of melody in Taste, these two spots would basically be interchangeable.

2

Ooooh boy, I might get in a bit of hot water for this one. I completely understand that it isn't exactly too tasteful to speak ill of someone mere months after they passed away, and for all intents and purposes, I do not wish what happened to this guy on anyone no matter who they are, and I hope he rests in peace. That said, I am a music critic, and if the song is ass, then I have no choice but to place it on here in the position I feel appropriate. Got that? Good. Now with all that out of the way, let's talk about......him.

2) Song: SAD!

    Artist: XXXTentacion

    Year-End Position: 17

     So......XXXTentacion. For those not in the know, Mr. Jahseh Wayne Ricardo Onfroy was shot and killed in a drive by shooting earlier this year on June 18th. While I may not have liked the dude, I wouldn't wish anything anywhere close to what happened to him on anyone, and my heart does sincerely go out to his friends and family. That being said, that doesn't excuse him beating his then pregnant girlfriend, nearly beating a gay man to death merely for looking at him (yes, X may have been naked, but it more than likely was nothing more than a quick unintentional glance that he way overreacted to), his consistent obfuscation, victim blaming, gaslighting, severe need to always paint himself as the victim, and just overall the fact that he was a completely garbage human being whilst he was alive. And yes, I know I'm supposed to "separate the art from the artist," but as I said about Kodak Black last year, when he's constantly incorporating his real life events and awfulness into his music, doing so is damn near impossible and thus becomes just as judgable as the music itself. And if you want a prime example of that, it's SAD! This song was falling off the charts before X got murdered, but after he died, the streaming numbers for this song went through the roof, making Onfroy the first person to posthumously reach #1 as a main artist since The Notorious B.I.G. with Hypnotize in 1997. You have no idea how much that infuriates me because this song is absolutely rancid. Ignoring the beat that's undercooked with nothing but some blocky percussion and a mix of hollow, barely audible and smeared over, reverb soaked synths that have no texture to them whatsoever as well as X's whiny as hell delivery, just the lyrics of this song are enough to make me want to set things on fire. In this song, X is bitching about a girl who's planning on leaving him, saying how she's making his life hard and how he gave her everything and how he's just too afraid to let go. All of that would be enough to show that this guy is a clingy, manipulative piece of shit, but then he says one line (that repeats six times throughout the song, mind you) that everyone has pointed out the problems with but bares no less reiterating why it's infuriating each and every time:

"suicide if you every try to let go"

You are reading that correctly. X is threatening to kill himself if this girl ever attempts to leave his sorry ass. Dude, FUCK YOU!!!!!! There are plenty of people in this world with mental health issues who aren't taken seriously and thus don't get the help they need because globs of fucking human snot 

 like you pull shit like this, thus unfairly placing innocent people between a rock and a hard place they shouldn't have to be in as well as leaving those unbelieved to actually go through with their suicidal thoughts and actually take their own life. Fuck all the way off you pathetic excuse of a human being. This song makes me sick to my stomach, and the fact that so many people are willing to excuse this type of shit is infuriating. So, what could be worse?

Well, before we find out, the dishonorable mentions.

DHM1) Song: Outside Today

              Artist: YoungBoy Never Broke Again

              Year-End Position: 91

 You know, it was between this and No Brainer for this spot, but at least No Brainer has some semblance of energy to it and isn't just a pissy whinefest.

DHM2) Song: I Fall Apart

              Artist: Post Malone

              Year-End Position: 39

"Devil in the form of a whore." Do I even need to say anything else?

DHM3) Song: X

              Artist: Nicky Jam & J. Balvin

              Year-End Position: 90

That fake hornline sets my teeth on edge. Everything else is just boring.

DHM4) Song: Lights Down Low

              Artist: MAX feat. gnash

              Year-End Position: 66

This would've escaped my ire if MAX's voice wasn't just, like, the worst.

DHM5) Song: GUMMO

              Artist: 6ix9ine

              Year-End Position: 56

It's 6ix9ine being his usual, obnoxious 6ix9ine self. Pass.

DHM6) Song: Girls Like You

              Artist: Maroon 5 feat. Cardi B

              Year-End Position: 10

This was a number one hit for 7 weeks. If that doesn't tell you how incredibly boring a lot of this year was, I don't know what will.

DHM7) Song: Meant To Be

              Artist: Bebe Rexha feat. Florida Georgia Line

              Year-End Position: 3

Sucks.

DHM8) Song: Moonlight

              Artist: XXXTentacion

              Year-End Position: 88

  

Can we just let X rest already?

And now......

1

......no seriously, can we just let this kid rest already?

1) Song: changes

    Artist: XXXTentacion

    Year-End Position: 94

     Okay, this is just flat out ridiculous. So, apparently, when X died, not only did SAD! get massive streaming numbers, but so did some of his other songs off of ? as well as the ones off his previous album, 17, and gave them way more chart longevity than they deserved. As such, not only did SAD! reach the top of the charts, but two of his other songs from that same album became top 20 hits and managed to gather enough points to just scrape their way on to the year-end chart. And really, that makes me fucking furious. Look, X may not have deserved to be murdered, but he sure as hell didn't deserve to be martyred either. He was a completely garbage human being who committed some of the worst possible crimes, deflected blame, placed everything he did on his mental health, played victim every chance he got, and overall was damn near completely irredeemable. And don't give me the bullshit of "oh, it looked like he was trying to change for the better towards the end of his life." FUCK THAT! Did he ever acknowledge the error of his ways? Give a sincere public apology for what he did to those he abused? Become a spokesperson against this type of domestic violence? Nope. He did a little bit of "charity" work where even that served no other purpose than to further his own self-aggrandizement and distract from any and all issues he has. And of course, that was enough for people to liken this monster to the likes of 2Pac and other greats. Just lovely. That's all before we get to this song in particular, and really, what is there to say about this? Of all the X songs to gravitate towards, why the fuck did this have to be one of them? At least with Look At Me! last year, it has the factor of being weird and unconventional even if in the worst possible way, and SAD!, for as reprehensible and stiff as it is, it at least sounds like an actual song. This, on the other hand? It's literally nothing. One singular piano chord being tapped throughout the entirety of the runtime with some cloying strings added in later on, X's whiniest and most pathetic vocal performance with backing vocals by PnB Rock that come in later that add nothing at all, and a total of five lines being repeated ad nauseam throughout the whole song until you feel like putting a power drill laced with barbed wire through your eardrums? What is there to latch on to with this? What is there to this that made people actively choose to listen to the musical equivalent of a plastic bag full of air? And you heard me right, this song only has five lines, and if previous songs on this list had no effort put into their lyrics, then this song had negative amounts of effort put in to its writing. Here's everything that's said in this song: X doesn't understand that his girl is changing, he thinks she's "making it hard for him," and he can't stand the changes she's going through nor the way it makes him feel. Oh, boo fucking hoo, she's not the same person she used to be. Get the fuck over it. If there was any indication that any of these changes were doing any serious damage to either X, the girl herself, or anyone else involved, then maybe I'd be on his side, but as is, I have no other choice than to just tell this dude to grow the fuck up. Seriously, is it that fucking hard to add at least a few damn details? And no, XXXTentacion, she isn't making it hard for you, you're making it hard for yourself. Just further evidence of his obfuscation. I despise this song for what it  represents. It makes clear that you can be as terrible of a human being as possible, but as long as you have a cult-like following and plenty of people who will twist themselves into a pretzel to defend your actions, you can have hits with no effort at all and even have your unreleased and unfinished material released to the public without your consent after you die, and people will still fucking eat it up. Fuck this song, fuck XXXTentacion, fuck the corporate dickpistons who keep graverobbing him and selling his leftovers for the sole purpose of getting more money into their dirty mits, and if you are someone who will excuse everything he's done because you "relate to his music" or are willing to victim-blame and make excuses like he did, honestly, fuck you especially with searing hot metal rod up your sorry ass. I'm done. 2019 can't come fast enough. Best list coming soon. Until then, take care.