Hey guys, so can we chat for a hot minute real quick? So, I've been doing this for quite some time, and I have to be completely honest with y'all, my heart just isn't in this anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still adore music, and absolutely always will. Hell, this doesn't even mean that my affinity for those that review music has waned all that much either. That being said, though, for me personally, as you'll have noticed by now, the only real times these days that I come back to this blog are to give my thoughts on the best and worst of what the current year had to offer. However, that has varied and changed so often, and many of those times are not documented on here at all. Hell, Heat Waves (which, fun fact, is the very first song to top a Year-End chart after having placed on the one from the previous year) has grown on me immensely to the point where I very much regret putting it on my worst list last year, and had it not been on last year's YE, it absolutely would've been eligible for my best list this year. All of that is coupled with just how hectic my own personal life has been between going to work, dealing with family matters, and handling my own mental health struggles. As such, this is the last set of lists you'll be receiving from me this year, and fair warning, this will easily be the most simplified and quickest worst list I've ever done. On the flip side, though, I don't wanna end things completely negatively as my best list will still be as well thought out and detailed as I have always striven for it to be because I want to be absolutely sure that things end on as positive a note as possible. Anyone who has stuck with me through all of this, you guys truly are the best, and that is something you absolutely do deserve. But, before we get to the good stuff, as always, we gotta wade through the shit, so let's begin.
Well, this one soured on me in record time. I can understand making a cathartic "fuck you" anthem to some asshole who did you wrong, but there is a right way to do it, and this song does it oh so very wrong. For starters, the instrumentation is this rumbling guitar that has an admittedly pretty solid rollick in the verses, but then the hook hits, and everything just becomes this fuzzy clash of noise. Gayle herself is going for this snarl in her delivery, but the most her vocals can only convey an annoyed mumble at best, and her amateurish vocals are not doing her any favors. Top it all off with lyrics that childishly say "wah, you ended things, so now I'm gonna act like everything you do and anyone and anything (except for your dog for some reason) associated with you are pieces of shit as well," and no wonder this grated on so many people's nerves so quickly, my own included. NEXT!
9) Song: Wasted On You Artist: Morgan Wallen Year-End Position: 19
But hey, at least gayle never said the n-word. Look, there's already been more than enough discourse surrounding that whole situation, and I would rather not open that can of worms back up, but I will say that a lot of this guy's music tilting into outright crap certainly isn't helping matters. Much like the previous song, the guitars do actually sound pretty good and add some nice texture to the mix...which is then completely undercut by all the trap percussion and obnoxious amounts of bass that sound utterly terrible. None of it has any of the weight or heft needed to support Wallen's howling vocals. But then there's the content where Morgan bitches and moans that he's "learning the hard way again." Uh, dude, if you keep finding yourself in these sort of shitty relationships, maybe it's time to look inward at what you're doing wrong and actually make effort to change that, otherwise you're not learning, much less "the hard way." But no, he'd rather blame all of his problems on her in the most toxic, gaslighting way by essentially saying he regrets all the time, money, memories, etc. that he "wasted" on her. Fuck you, dude. Screw this.
8) Song: She Likes It Artist: Russell Dickerson feat. Jake Scott Year-End Position: 91
"She likes it when I OOOOOOOOH MMM MMM" Worst two seconds in pop music this year, hands down, and the choppy electric guitar, tense bass, and limp vocals aren't doing any favors either.
7) Song: I Ain't Worried Artist: OneRepublic Year-End Position: 37
OneRepublic......why????? You were a band who, while not always making great music necessarily, at least made some decent tunes with serviceable instrumentation and at least an okay level of lyricism, and at your absolute best churned out gold like Stop & Stare, Counting Stars, and Kids. It is for that very reason that it disappoints me to no end that, in a desperate attempt to stay relevant, you play to absolutely none of your strengths with this garbage sellout single with flimsy production that has an irritating whistle shoehorned in, some horrible multitracking on Ryan Tedder's vocals, and content that aims to be triumphant and about living life to the fullest but ultimately just end up repeating empty platitudes and non sequiturs. Oh, and apparently this was the big hit from that new Top Gun movie or whatever. Did you care? No? Me either. What a waste.
But on the topic of bands wasting their potential, that's exactly what Imagine Dragons have been doing for years now, and Enemy is absolutely among the worst of their charting songs. Between the glitchy instrumentation that has no punch, groove, or any sort of texture that ends up a warping, malformed monstrosity, Dan Reynolds at his screechiest, and JID doing a cheap Kendrick Lamar imitation for his throwaway verse, no wonder everybody wants to be your enemy, man. Content wise, this is supposed to have some sort of connection to the Netflix series, Arcane, but all that's really here is some vague banalities about how the world is out to get the narrator in this song for......some reason. Completely pointless. I never had any interest in watching Arcane or playing League Of Legends, but even if I did, this song would single-handedly decimate it.
5) Song: You Proof Artist: Morgan Wallen Year-End Position: 27
Take basically everything I said about Wasted On You and multiply it a thousand fold here. The trap drums are even more overpowering, the guitar line is considerably weaker, and Wallen's vocals here have the effects piled on so heavily, you'd swear it wasn't actually him singing but rather an AI created to try and replicate his rasp. Lyrically, it's about how this woman was so bad to him during the relationship, that he now needs an alcohol so strong that its proof is just enough for him to drink her off his mind. Uh, Morgan, hasn't the booze gotten you into enough trouble already? Just an absolute slog of a horrendous mess. But speaking of horrendous messes......
4) Song: Unholy Artist: Sam Smith & Kim Petras Year-End Position: 98
Oh god, this one hurts. Sam Smith has made a bunch of music that I would say ranges from okay to absolutely fantastic, and for as controversial as a figure as Kim Petras is outside of her songs, within that particular realm, she has actually made a lot of songs that are quite enjoyable (even if they are produced by he who shan't be named). So I had hopes that this would turn out good, and oh my god, it did not. At all. For starters, neither artist's performance has any of the charisma needed to sell this story of a guy who puts on a veneer of a clean cut, faithful married man who secretly is having an affair behind closed doors. They're both incredibly flat, and for Sam themself to be nothing more than an outside narrator to Kim Petras playing the role of the mistress in question really undercuts any of the weight this song desperately needed to be able to hold its own. Put all of this on top of a clanking, bass heavy slog of a beat filled with tuneless synths and an atmosphere that's way too tense and uncomfortable even for this type of song, and you have a piece of music where the only saving grace is that it's mercifully short. Painful.
3) Song: Super Gremlin Artist: Kodak Black Year-End Position: 9
Enough time has been wasted on this sentient piece of human shit that I'm not even gonna bother, so all I will say is that this nasally dirge where Kodak Black bitches and moans about a former friend turning him in for all the crimes he's committed over a generic trap beat with a sparse piano melody isn't worth my time or yours. NEXT!
2) Song: Broadway Girls Artist: Lil Durk feat. Morgan Wallen Year-End Position: 81
The incredibly basic guitar melody and suffocating trap production alone would make this a candidate for this list, but what landed it so high was the fact that this is despicable on principle alone. Yes, this collab was Lil Durk's idea and was in the works well before the...... "incident" took place, but it still doesn't make the idea of Morgan Wallen teaming up with a rapper who's been getting big in recent times to try and make his image seem cleaner than it actually is any less disgusting to think about, and the final product turning out to be complete junk doesn't help either. And believe it or not, I wouldn't even say Wallen is the worst part, either, although his overly processed caterwauling and grating delivery being a career worst for him certainly doesn't help. No, that'd be the content, something both he and Durk fair incredibly poorly in regards to. This is pretty much a genderflipped version of Taylor Swift's I Knew You Were Trouble except with any of the self awareness that made that song's narrative at least somewhat work removed, and filling in the gaps, we have a bunch of pissy machismo and bitching that neither artist can credibly back up. All of the assumptions that these girls were "no good" and that they "should've known better than to mess with," yet that's just it, they're ASSUMPTIONS, and even if they weren't, these guys still made the conscious decision to hook up with them that night, and with neither guy willing to take accountability for their actions, all while begging for our sympathy, yeah, no that's not happening. So yeah, every single element of this song pissed me off, and for the longest time, it was a lock for my #1, but still, there was one song that beat it out, and before we get there, let's rattle off some dishonorable mentions.
Song: Pushin P Artist: Gunna & Future feat. Young Thug Year-End Position: 48
The twinkly synths are kinda cool. Everything else is boring as hell. Also, "Pesbian"? Really Future?
Song: Trouble With A Heartbreak Artist: Jason Aldean Year-End Position: 88
Can Jason Aldean just, like, go away? Please?????
Song: Después De La Playa Artist: Bad Bunny Year-End Position: 78
Oh, I'm probably gonna get some pushback for this one, but I'm sorry, while I didn't mind a lot of the songs from Un Verano Sin Ti that made the year-end chart, this one soured on me in record time. Mostly due to how unpleasant those synths that open up the track are as well as the even worse salsa portion that takes over the second half. It just sounds so damn sloppy, and the swing of it just never felt right to me. Oh well.
Song: Big Energy Artist: Latto Year-End Position: 7
Just listen to Fantasy by Mariah Carey instead (btw, fun fact, that was the #1 song the week of my birth).
The singing is amateurish, the instrumentation is a snoozefest, and the premise is childish as hell with none of the stakes to credibly sell it, but it was more in one ear and out the other, so I can't really get too mad at it.
The production actually isn't that bad, but the nasally performance and prolonged moan of the hook meant to represent this dude's orgasm absolutely destroy it for me. Just gross.
Song: Take My Name Artist: Parmalee Year-End Position: 82
Yet another plastic, badly produced and kinda clingy boyfriend country song whose only purpose is to take up air time, but at the very least, this one isn't nearly as morally reprehensible as Just The Way, so at least it gets some leeway in that department.
Song: One Right Now Artist: Post Malone & The Weeknd Year-End Position: 30
The production on this one actually has a pretty nice groove to it, but those lyrics are choc full of swaggering machismo and misogyny that is the biggest, most whiny "I don't care about you so I'm gonna write an entire song about it" thing this side of Shake It Off by Taylor Swift (yep, she's getting mentioned twice on this list, and both times with songs that others don't like but I actually think are pretty good. Sidenote: while it won't be making my best list, All Too Well is really good as well.)
Alright, with all the crap we've sifted through what could possibly be number one? Well......
1) Song: AA Artist: Walker Hayes Year-End Position: 61
Alright, I haven't really been all that nice to any of the songs on this list, but if there was one that was the absolute least deserving of my kindness, it would be this absolute pile of shit. Let me make this abundantly clear: I fucking HATE this song, and unlike many other critics I have seen discuss this one, I believe this is worse than Fancy Like by a considerable margin. For one thing, as even those who do think Fancy Like is worse will agree, AA has way more atrocious production. The suffocating bass, the looping, tinny guitar pickup that just rips through the track like a buzzsaw, and everything just sounding so fake and inorganic just adds up to nothing short of a complete and utter disaster. This is a cacophony of noise that is just flat out unlistenable. Walker himself didn't quite have that much charisma or personality on Fancy Like, but at least it's easy to tell what he was going for, that being the slick, easy going guy who is just so impressed with himself that he can please his SO without having to be so extravagant all the time. It felt corporate and lame, especially with all the unnecessary brand name drops, but at least it felt somewhat tenable. Here, he sounds so dead against how jaunty everything around him is that it just clashes horrendously. Where's the passion, the emotion, anything to signify that you're anything other than a soulless husk of a "country" artist who makes music for anything more than a paycheck? But no, what really sunk this song was the attitude of this song, and no, it's not just thee questionable line of how he's trying to "keep [his] daughters off the pole." See, the entire song is about how life is so stressful, and he's doing everything he can to avoid drinking himself to the point where he needs to go to rehab. Not a bad premise, and I can see how that could work against some more upbeat production to give it some sort of contrast and levity (provided it doesn't sound like shit, of course, which this absolutely does). Here's the thing, though: you can tell that throughout the song, Walker isn't doing this out of any genuine concern for his family or friends or even for himself, really. No, he's really just doing it so people would just get off his damn back already. If it were entirely up to him, he'd continue his destructive and, quite honestly, lazy lifestyle, but nooooo, everyone's gonna continue nagging him if he does that, so he may as well try and fix things, I guess. And really, it was that self-serving, breezy dismissiveness that sunk this song all the way to the bottom for me. I mean, why else would he be trying to keep his wife from figuring out how far down she married? It's this veneer of trying to improve that really pisses me off about the whole thing, which Hayes himself even undercuts that with the line "sometimes you just need a beer, can I get an amen?" So he's not even willing to commit to the fraudulent show he's putting on cuz, uh, Walker, I thought you were trying to stay OUT of AA. Yeah, no, this wore out my patience in record time. Worst hit song of the year by a mile. Final list coming soon, but until then, take care everyone.
