Top 10 Best Hit Songs Of 2017

     Best list time, best list time, time for songs I love
     Songs that made me smile when it came to push and shove
     Oh, best list time, best list time, list from ten to one
     And of course there are my hon'rable mentions

Yeah, sorry for copping out on talking about the year as a whole, I just don't have very much to say about it this time around. All I can really say is that 2017 was a marked improvement over 2016, there were good songs, there were bad songs, and since we've already talked about the awful stuff, let's get into the stuff that put a smile on my face each and every time I heard it.

(Sidenote: I'm expanding to ten honorable mentions instead of my usual eight given there were two songs I just couldn't bring myself to leave off entirely. Kind of stupid, I know, but oh well. Anyway, let's-a-go.)

10

     Let's start things off on the right foot.

10) Song: Havana

      Artist: Camila Cabello feat. Young Thug

      Year-End Position: 96

      When it comes to Fifth Harmony, I'll admit they're pretty uneven in terms of quality, but they have their good songs. Easily the weakest member, however, has always been Camila Cabello, who doesn't really have that much personality and, at her absolute worst, is incredibly ear-piercing and nasal in her delivery. Earlier this year, however, she left 5H to pursue a solo career, and I gotta say, I like what I've heard so far. I really like Crying In The Club, and hell, I'll even admit to having warmed up to OMG. Even still, Havana remains the clear standout that just about everyone can agree is excellent. The old-timey sounding piano carries a prominent and sticky melody that carries on throughout the entire song and is backed by some solid kick in the percussion, and the horns that come in later in the song just sound fantastic. Camila stays in her lower cooing range throughout the song, and it sounds great. It's rich and plays off the production incredibly well. Lyrically, this is a song about the complications of Camila having to leave a bad boy she loved behind in her hometown of Havana, Cuba, when she moved to the states, and the detail provided here is nothing short of brilliant. So, where does Young Thug come into this? Well, he actually plays the role of said bad boy, and his verse is just goofy, memorable, and full of just utter pep and goofiness. It fits with the rest of the song astonishingly well. I gotta say, if that album is anywhere near as good as this song is, I am definitely looking forward to it because this is definitely a solid pop tune.

9

     Controversial pick time.

9) Song: Believer

    Artist: Imagine Dragons

    Year-End Position: 9

    This is, without question, a song that is going to be appearing on a lot of worst lists, and it's not like I don't see why. It's brash, not exactly the most pleasant thing to listen to, and Dan Reynolds's howling on the chorus I can definitely see getting on a lot of people's nerves. However, if I'm being honest, while I was in that camp at first, the more listens I gave this song, the more it began to grow on me, and here we are now. I already said my piece on the direction Imagine Dragons have taken over the past few years as well as their colossal misfire in the form of Thunder in my worst list, but I'd be lying if I said this song didn't get me pumped. Take notes, Rachel Platten: this is how you make a fight song. From the slamming percussion, bass that hits you like a rock, and a guitar that's admittedly pretty noodling yet still has a solid foundation, this song just sounds epic. Every single element in the verses is a buildup to that epic chorus, which is explosive as all hell with the blasting synths, soaring guitars, and added amounts of bass that give this song a larger than life feel to it. Then there's Dan Reynolds himself, and he further adds to said buildup in the verses, uses a triplet flow as a prechorus before each hook before yelling his lungs out. Again, I can definitely see how one would find those last two things grating, but for me, they just work really well. Overall, this is a fun song with a ton of punch behind it, and I am willing to die on the hill of this song being awesome.

8

     Well, now that we've gotten an unpopular one out of the way, how about we recover with something everybody likes: classic rock throwbacks from former boyband members.

8) Song: Sign Of The Times

    Artist: Harry Styles

    Year-End Position: 87

    Of all the members to break out after the disbandment of One Direction, Harry was the one that most people predicted would come out with solo material, leaving only the question of when that would happen. I'm not sure how many of those people expected his breakout to be in the hard-hitting soft rock genre in the vein of David Bowie, though, and I'm even less sure of how many people expected it to be this breathtaking because seriously, this really is something special. Styles shows off his impressive as hell vocal range from his falsetto, belting, and crooning, all with a lot of rich texture in his vocals. Helping even more is the instrumentation he's backed by, which is just a blast. The melancholic pianos, explosive guitars, powerful drums, strings and pedal steel all culminate to create this sound that's mournful yet hopeful at the same time, which fits the content of the song perfectly. This is a song about recognizing that the end is near, and that instead of being fearful of what's to come, we should embrace the hands being dealt to us by spending as much time as we can with those closest to us because who knows what could happen to them in the future. It's a basic sentiment, to be sure, but it's no less a powerful one, and I'm really glad this song managed to scrape its way onto the year-end chart after weeks of uncertainty of whether it would make it or not. Fantastic job, Harry. Hope to hear more from you in the future.

7

     Man, that last song was pretty depressing, wasn't it? How about we liven the mood a little bit with a nice, tight disco groove, and who better to provide it than......CALVIN HARRIS?????

7) Song: Slide

    Artist: Calvin Harris feat. Frank Ocean & Migos

    Year-End Position: 71

      Seriously, I never thought I'd put a freaking Calvin Harris song on this list. He's always been known for his loud, overblown, and often times obnoxious songs that tend to grate on the nerves, give or take a few exceptions. He tried his hand at deep house in 2015 and 2016 getting mixed reception, and while those songs were okay, it was his out-of-nowhere complete 180 in terms of sound when he released Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1 earlier this year, an album full of bouncy disco throwbacks that wound up being easily his most vibrant, colorful and most enjoyable set of music to date. This was the leadoff single to that album, and my god, is it a treat. The solid bass groove, bouncy percussion, beautiful piano line, reverb soaked handclaps, shiny synths in the background with some more oscillating ones in the front of the mix, and those sweet-ass guitar licks at the end really do get to me with how excellent they sound. Hell, this song even incorporates a chipmunk sound effect, and I'm not even bothered by that. But then we get to the content and vocals, and this thing is on a whole 'nother level. This song deals with the ups and downs that come with fame, with Frank Ocean showing how empty and depressing it can be at times with his more disconnected delivery whilst Migos embrace that, in spite of the hardships that come with fame, it's all worth it in the end with their more energetic and lively performances. The contrast may be stark, but it hardly feels like a jarring transition. The flow feels very natural, and overall, the song is just a really fun experience. Nice job, Calvin. Keep up the good work.

6

     Oh, I don't know how well I'm gonna be able to defend this song, especially with it being this high, but man, am I gonna try my damnedest.

6) Song: XO Tour Llif3

    Artist: Lil Uzi Vert

    Year-End Position: 13

    Lil Uzi Vert is an artist who, for the most part, is pretty hit or miss, more the latter than the former. He has energy on a lot of his songs, but it's usually the braying type of energy that gets really grating really fast. That being said, he also has a lot of charm and personality, and he at least sounds like he's having fun with the music he's singing a lot of the time. However, this song really is something to be blown away by as......holy shit. For starters, this beat is not something to just dismiss. The alien-like synth loop, clanking sound effects, eerie melody, all against this blocky backbeat and set of skittering hi-hats, it all creates this undercurrent of sadness that makes for quite the fascinating listen. What really sells the song, though, are the content and delivery. A lot of people have said that the ideas of how Uzi deals with depression and suicidal thoughts are undercut by the amount of unnecessary bragging, and while I can understand where they're coming from, here's how I see it: Uzi, someone who is usually happy and go-lucky, has just been dumped by his girl. He tries to cope with it by getting the main crux of what the hook is saying out of his mind and just rapping about the usual money, drugs, stealing your girl, the typical rap cliches, however he's not nearly as energetic as he usually is. He's clearly still heavily affected by what had just happened to him, and it comes to a head right before the second chorus where he just wails although the second hook. Not only that, but he continues to wail whilst continuing to brag in his second verse, clearly trying his damnedest to get this girl off his mind and failing miserably. Finally, he calms back down on the final chorus, returning to the cold, disillusioned delivery he had at the beginning of the song, realizing that, while it may have felt good to have that brief moment of catharsis and release, it didn't exactly help him all that much, and whether he wants to or not, he's gonna have to get over this girl at some point. What happened happened, and now he has to deal with the leftovers. It's quite the harrowing listen, and yet, it's one that kept me coming back time and again. Easily a highlight of LUV Is Rage 2, definitely recommend it. Surprisingly great song.

5

5) Song: HUMBLE.

    Artist: Kendrick Lamar

    Year-End Position: 4

 And let's tack on #4 while we're at it

4) Song: DNA.

    Artist: Kendrick Lamar

    Year-End Position: 62

     Let's not mince words here: Kendrick Lamar is one of the best rappers currently working today, and you cannot convince me otherwise. His flow is incredible, the beats he's usually paired with hit hard, and the amount of clever wordplay, social awareness, and just sheer intensity that he brings in his lyricism seriously has yet to be matched, at least in terms of those currently popular in the mainstream. Now, that's not to say that he hasn't has his missteps, particularly those in his guest appearances on other people's songs (one of which I talked about in my worst list for this year), but when it comes to those guest verses where he does bring his A-game as well as what he provides on his own songs, it's no contest, the dude is great. This is more than proven on two of his big hits from this year, HUMBLE. and DNA. On the former, he stomps on those that try and step to him, essentially telling them to sit down and be humble, and he comes correct with every single bar he spits. Seriously, the amount of clever lines he brings to the table on that song are incredible, and he really is able to show, that yes, he is the dominant one that cannot be touched without a finger or hand coming off of anyone who dare tried. In the latter, amidst all the clever clapbacks and outstanding play on words, he talks about how misunderstood he was growing up, what it was like for him growing up as an African American person in the United States, all his heritage entails and the problems with the stereotypes and misconceptions usually associated with black people. Lyrically, they're both masterpieces, and they're each backed up by some marvelous production courtesy of Mike WiLL Made-It, of all people. I mentioned in my worst list that he produced a few songs from DAMN., and both of these songs are Exhibits A & B of what can really happen when MWMM really shows what he's capable of. HUMBLE. somehow manages to make a simple two-note riff being banged out on a piano paired with trap percussion and some zipping synths sound awesome. I'm not really sure how to explain it, but it's just so full of energy, and it gets me pumped every time I hear it. DNA., on the other hand, has a more hypnotic feel to it blending a bass-heavy beat with a psychedelic blend of guitars and synths before switching to this rougher, more jagged beat backed by a skipping Rick James sample that you'd think would get annoying after a while and somehow doesn't. Ultimately, DNA. ranks higher because it really is superior in both instrumentation and production, but even still, both songs are an absolute delight that I get excited every time I hear, and funny enough, neither are even my favorite song off DAMN. Seriously, check that record out if you haven't already. It is a masterpiece.

3

     A lot of you may be surprised that this particular artist is up this high, and to answer your question in advance: Yes. Really.

3) Song: Something Just Like This

    Artist: The Chainsmokers & Coldplay

    Year-End Position: 5

     Yes, I put a song The Chainsmokers above Kendrick Lamar on my best list. But you know what, I wouldn't have done it if the song wasn't that great. The Chainsmokers are a group who are very hit and miss. When they miss, they really miss, but when they hit, they definitely hit, and this is definitely a hit. In terms of writing, this is about a guy who, after reading of and catching up on various superheroes, both old and new, finds himself lacking confidence in his own personal strengths and wishes he could be as brave as they are when his partner reassures him that she likes him just the way he is and that he doesn't need all of the bells and whistles of being a superhero to be great in her eyes and that she likes him just the way he is. As she says in the song in regards to their relationship, "I want something just like this." It's corny as hell, for sure, but it is genuinely uplifting and a great confidence booster. On it's own, that's pretty good, but how does the music hold up? Well, it wouldn't be up this high if it didn't work as well as it did, now would it? And man, everyone involved in the overall aesthetics of this sound pulled out all the stops because this sounds great. Chris Martin shows the vulnerability needed for a song of this nature in the verses before just exploding on the chorus (as well as that final prechorus) with a bunch of charisma and vigor that it's pretty hard to deny. The real standout, though, is this beat, and I'll be damned if this isn't The Chainsmokers' best work to date. The gentle guitar surrounded by the ethereal synths create a nice atmosphere, the rumbles of percussion in the buildup, and especially that drop. Yes, it does sound like the drop on Roses, but if you ask me, the one on this song is even better. Don't get me wrong, the one on Roses is good, but it did have a few elements such as the gang vocals and finger snaps that did slightly throw off its swing. Such is not the case with Something Just Like This's drop, however, as the way it just pulses and constantly shifts octaves in this descending melody all while maintaining all of its propulsive energy and life is just amazing. For a song meant to elevate basic human normality to the level of that of a being larger than life, that's exactly how this feels, and it works in spades, and that guitar solo on the final drop sounds excellent and just makes this song feel more triumphant than it already was, meaning it definitely ends on a high note. This is the type of EDM song to really get the energy flowing through your veins, and it is easily the best thing this duo has ever provided, no contest. Fantastic song on all fronts.

2

     Hey, you know what I think everyone needs every now and again? That one song that just makes you go "d'awwwwww."

2) Song: In Case You Didn't Know

    Artist: Brett Young

    Year-End Position: 57

    After the past few years of only a few country songs managing to make the year-end chart, 2017 saw the long awaited return of country to the mainstream, and while some of it was just godawful like Body Like A Back Road, that's not to say that we didn't get some real gems in this genre this year. Enter Brett Young, a newcomer to the country scene who gained a little bit of traction with the leadoff single for his self-titled debut album, Sleep Without You, it was In Case You Didn't Know that really broke him through to the mainstream. First off, this instrumentation is just beautiful. Yeah, the percussion is a bit more synthetic than I personally would've preferred, but that is made up for by the rest of the mix from the warm acoustic guitars, smoldering electric guitars with just the right amount of reverb on them, and that banjo just sounds stunning. Vocally, Brett Young has what I like to call a gentle warble. He may not have the best sounding voice, per se, but the warmer tones definitely come through and show how much personality this guy really has. But the thing that really draws me in to this song is its content. At first, I thought this song was simply about a guy working up the courage to finally tell a girl he's had a crush on for a while how he truly feels about her. That alone would be sweet as all hell, but the more I listened to this song, I began to realize that Brett and this girl were actually already in a relationship, but it's clear that they have their rough patches just like any other couple, and this is him reassuring this girl that, while he may not always vocalize it, as many difficult times he and her go through in the relationship, he still loves her and always will, even if there are times where he's afraid to truly say what's on his mind. It's once I realized this that this song rocketed up my list. There is a genuine emotional core to this song that just feels incredibly human, and really, what more could I ask for? It's just an angelic song with a lot of sincerity behind it. This was incredibly close to being my #1, and we'll get to what beat it out in a minute, but first......

Honorable Mentions:


HM1) Song: Slow Hands
           Artist: Niall Horan
           Year-End Position: 32

I mean, I would've preferred This Town, but y'know what, this is great as well. Solid groovy bassline, stomping drums, some nice percussion, Niall sounds really good, and for a song about foreplay, it's surprisingly sensual. Solid song.








HM2) Song: Strip That Down
           Artist: Liam Payne feat. Quavo
           Year-End Position: 36

Fun beat anchored in a solid bassline, snaps, some sparse, twinkly synths and percussion, good vocals from Liam, lyrics that are stupid yet enjoyable at the same time, yeah, I'll take this. Would've cut Quavo's throwaway verse, though, unlike...............



 




HM3) Song: I Get The Bag
           Artist: Gucci Mane feat. Migos

           Year-End Position: 93

Dark beat that's full of life, energetic flows, and clever punchlines. The epitome of basic bragging done right.




HM4) Song: Redbone
           Artist: Childish Gambino
           Year-End Position:  25

Now this one was easily the hardest to cut from the list. Seriously, incredible tight yet relaxing groove, nuanced lyrics about heartbreak and infidelity, and Gambino just singing his incredibly soulful guts out, this one is a damn near masterpiece that I am definitely glad got as huge as it did.




HM5) Song: Shape Of You
           Artist: Ed Sheeran
           Year-End Position: 1

Ah, yes, the biggest song of the year, the one that a lot of people got sick of in record time......and yet I still love it just as much as I did when it first debuted on the charts. Great plinking melody that is pretty much what Cheap Thrills would sound like if it wasn't so plodding, Ed maintaining a solid vocal cadence and delivery, lyrics where the chorus details that he loves her body and verses that show him getting to know her, showing that he indeed does love her for both her looks and her personality, I really don't see this as the disgusting "Ed Sheeran sex song" that a lot of people see it as. Being perfectly honest, I actually enjoy this one more than Castle On The Hill. Yeah, that one's technically the better song, but I dunno, this one just drew me in for more listens, even outside of all the radio overplay. 




HM6) Song: Castle On The Hill
           Artist: Ed Sheeran
           Year-End Position: 40

Doesn't mean Castle On The Hill isn't getting a mention, though. Seriously, excellent guitar work, Ed belting his lungs out with his rougher delivery, lyrics detailing fond memories and wanting to relive said memories, just an excellent song.




HM7) Song: There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back
           Artist: Shawn Mendes
           Year-End Position: 23

Holy shit, Shawn Mendes put out a great song this year. Great pop rock swing to it, fantastic use of Mendes's voice, lyrics about a girl pushing him out of his comfort zone and making him feel dangerous that are actually believable, hey Mendes, more songs like this, please.

HM8) Song: Attention
           Artist: Charlie Puth
           Year-End Position: 22

 Charlie Puth too? Man, if this isn't a prime example of how much better 2017 is than 2016, I don't know what is. Excellent bassline, synths that have quite the amount of swell to them, percussion that's pretty fake but still sounds really good with the rest of the mix, and Puth, apart from a few spots, actually using his lower range and falsetto well. Between this and How Long, I'm actually looking forward to how Voicenotes will turn out, and I never thought I'd say that.

HM9) Song: Despacito
           Artist: Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee feat. Justin Bieber
           Year-End Position: 2

C'mon, how could I not? And yes, I do like the version with Bieber more even in spite of his live performances of the song showing him to be a complete and utter tool with no respect for the Spanish language. I just like his contributions to the recording of the single that gets played on the radio and streamed and all that, alright? Fite me.








HM10) Song: What Lovers Do
             Artist: Maroon 5 feat. SZA
             Year-End Position: 97

This is what modern Maroon 5 would sound like if they hadn't spent the past few years deciding they wanna suck.Modern electronic elements infused with a bassline sampled from Sexual by Neiked (which it utilizes it way better than that disgusting piece of trash), and both Adam Levine and SZA just sound like they're having fun with the song, even if the lyrics are admittedly pretty repetitive.


Alright, let's wrap this present up.

 1

     My number one is by an artist who I do not get the opportunity to praise nearly as often as I should on here. I'll admit I wasn't the biggest fan of this artist when she first broke on to the scene, but I've really warmed up to her over the past couple of years, and while she still definitely has her duds, the vast majority of her work is excellent, and after everything that's happened to her, I cannot in good faith give the top spot on this list to any other song. So, with all that being said......Kesha, your presence was sorely missed.

1) Song: Praying

    Artist: Kesha

    Year-End Position: 67

     I'll admit I wasn't the biggest fan of Kesha when she first broke onto the music scene. I found her to be nothing more than a loud, obnoxious party girl who made generic club music that just grated on my ears. However, it didn't take long for her to grow on me and to recognize that her entire persona revolved around this party girl image with quite a bit of biting satire, nuance, and wit to her music whilst using autotune in a creative and unique way, and although she does have a couple songs I still can't stand (well, mainly just Blah Blah Blah and her guest appearance on My First Kiss by 3OH!3, and she's barely even on the latter, so should that really count?), the vast majority is most definitely worth checking out. That said, after 2014, she disappeared from the music scene, remaining out of the limelight, falling quiet in terms of music, and it was all because of one slimy motherfucker: Dr. Fucking. Luke. In October 2014, Kesha filed a lawsuit against Dr. Luke for drugging and raping her on two occasions, making threats against her and her family, calling her derogatory names, and various other horrendous and illegal acts. Now, even putting aside that this dude's output in terms of hits has been quite the mixed bag, what he did to Kesha fucking sickens me, and I do genuinely hope that this dude gets his comeuppance. Anyway, earlier this year, after multiple lawsuits and legal battles with her record label and trying to get away from Dickbag Luke, she was finally able to make the music she wanted to make, away from that abusive son of a bitch, and released her third studio album, Rainbow, an absolutely phenomenal record that shows Kesha moving through various genres and pulling each of them off flawlessly. This was the lead off single, and......my god, where to start. This song is a response to Dr. Luke pretty much telling him that no matter how much he may have weakened her, as much torment as he put her through, no matter how much he may try and bring her down, she will come out stronger than ever and ultimately wind up being just as much herself as before if not moreso, and that at the end of it all, she hopes he winds up somewhere asking for forgiveness from God. This last part can be interpreted in one of two ways: as a veiled "fuck you" that essentially says that she hopes he gets what's coming to him one day and to pray that he's prepared for when that day comes, or it can be seen as her saying that, in spite of all she was put through because of him, she still wishes him well and hopes they find peace in their lives and even thanking them for making them stronger than who they were before in a very deservedly backhanded way. It's a powerful sentiment, and hell, even if you do remove the context of the whole Kesha vs. Dr. Luke thing and just take it as a song about someone leaving an abusive ex-lover, everything else still applies. All of this is backed up by some of the most tremendous instrumentation from this year with the gorgeous, subtle piano line, the whirring synths, melancholy strings, and the way the song swells before the final chorus with the pounding percussion, horns, and pianos before mellowing back out for the last few seconds, it just sounds great. The cherry on top of all of it, however, is Kesha herself. Her live performances, deep cuts on her previous albums, and even stripped back versions of her past hits have shown that she really is capable of being a great singer without the autotune, and here, she finally gets the chance to prove that to the general public. Not only is her range fantastic, but man, does this girl know how to emote or what? From the frustrated, lower tone of her singing in the first half of the song to the explosive belting she does for the second half, her handle of when to explode and let loose is something that can only be admired. It's frail and tearful yet strong and a complete gutpunch in the best of ways, and that whistle note before the final chorus......oof, that was just......I don't even have the words, that's how excellent it is. But more than just being an absolutely beautifully constructed song with emotional writing and a heartbreaking vocal performance, this song tops the list for me for one very simple reason: this is one of the few songs that has moved me so much that it has brought me to tears. No joke, I listened to this song right before I began writing this, and I quite literally had to take a moment and cry before I even punched the first key on my keyboard, that's how powerful this song is to me, and it is for that reason and many more that Praying by Kesha is getting my highest honor: not just one of the best hit songs of 2017, but quite possibly the best hit song of the entire decade. Welcome back, Kesha. Hopefully things get better for you in the future. Take care, everyone, and have a great Christmas, happy holidays, and a plentiful 2018.

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs Of 2017

     Deck the halls, now here's the worst list, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
     Here's to those that will not be missed, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
     These were songs just truly awful, fa-la-la, fa-la-la, la-la-la.
     Thrashing them is only lawful, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

     Alright, let's jump right the fuck in.

10

     Well, here's something I never thought I would say: Mike WiLL Made-It......whyyyyyyy?

10) Song: Rake It Up

    Artist: Yo Gotti feat. Nicki Minaj

    Year-End Position: 53

     I know it may seem weird that I'm expressing as much disappointment as I am in a producer who has put out an astonishing level of mediocrity in terms of the beats he's produced, but he really was showing a surprising amount of promise this year with stuff like Black Beatles by Rae Sremmurd and even a few tracks on Kendrick Lamar's DAMN. He was doing so well, and then all of a sudden, he hits us with a beat so unfinished and basic that even DJ Mustard would look at this and laugh his ass off. Now, there are some songs with elements in their production that can be described as gurgling, and that is the best way to describe the entirety of this beat as, on top of having no melody apart from the few barely audible ragged and tinny synths in the background that try and fail to inject some sort of flavor into this track, this whole song just sounds like the gurgling noise that your stomach makes to let you know that you need to take a shit. It just sounds unpleasant as hell. Although, it's not like our performers are able to even remotely save this song at all. First up, we have Yo Gotti, who sounds as tired and lethargic with his delivery as possible. His flow sounds like the way we envision the stereotypical obese man talking after he consumes one too many cheeseburgers. And all of this is done while he talks about how awesome he is and how much sex he gets from these women, and I don't buy it for a second. Oh, and as for the "they should bleed once a month cuz that what these bitches do" line......dude, fuck you. Even worse than him, however, is Nicki Minaj offering up one of her laziest guest performances to date as she proceeds to use those cutesy inflections on her voice that absolutely no one enjoys hearing, rhymes "China" with itself several times, only breaking that one time to rhyme it with "vagina", which......ew, and proceeds to spew the same empty, bland luxury porn we usually get from these types of trap "bangers." Oh yeah, and apparently this is supposed to be the "strip club anthem," as is proclaimed at the beginning of the song, yeah no, I'm done with this. Next.

9

     Well, of course I couldn't ignore this......thing.

9) Song: Look What You Made Me Do

    Artist: Taylor Swift

    Year-End Position: 39

      Of all the songs to unseat Despacito, we just had to have it be this one because Taylor Swift's name was attached to it, didn't we? Words cannot express my disappointment with you people sometimes. Okay, to start off, last year, T-Swizzle took on a new, bitchy persona brought on by the controversy over a line in Kanye West's song, Famous. I'm not gonna go into the details of what happened, but needless to say, Taylor's reaction to the whole thing was......less than tactful, to say the least. Quite frankly, it was something I couldn't give less of a damn about. Small problem, though: earlier this year, she adapted that into her music, and if what she was doing irl was making her look bad, then her music was not helping. Hell, it might've even made her look worse. And honestly, I probably would've been willing to give that if any of the music was any good, which......well, you take a shot at how it turned out. Damn near every single song off of her album Reputation had to adapt that sort of ugly bitterness and drama in the worst, most petty ways possible, and this song right here, the big lead-off single from that album, is Exhibit fucking A of that. Every single one of these lines is nothing but a vague, nebulous "jab" at the person Taylor is talking to, talking about how "you've done so much to hurt her" and "I don't like this, that and the other about you" and all of these just pathetic attempts to show how much better she is than who she's talking to, and just......no. I don't buy any of it for a second. She very clearly wants to be taken seriously, but the whole thing just comes off as disingenuous that it just completely kills any chance of that happening. And I would've been willing to forgive all that if the production had been at least salvageable, but this just sounds awful. The stiff percussion, complete lack of any sort of real melody, prominent yet limp bass, and Taylor just sounding way too overserious for this type of petty melodrama. Hell, she made fucking I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred sound serious......who the fuck does that? Admittedly, this song is saved from being higher by some pretty good sounding parts of the song like the intro and the prechorus, but they're nowhere near enough to save it from being on the list altogether.

8

     Gonad Migraines, what the fuck is this?

8) Song: Thunder

    Artist: Imagine Dragons

    Year-End Position: 51

     I really didn't wanna have to do this. I used to be quite a fan of these guys. Night Visions was a fantastic record, and I will stand by that. However, when Smoke + Mirrors came out in 2015, my heart sank as very little of it even came close to what made Night Visions so great. There wasn't very much cohesion or as much of a sense that they were trying on that record, and it just wound up being one unsatisfying mess. They attempted to recapture that sound that made them so good to begin with on their album from this year, Evolve, and it came a lot closer than I expected with songs like the propulsive lead-off single, Believer. However, it also had some real low points, Thunder being a prime example of such. Lyrically, this is just nothing but empty declarations of how people picked on him when he was younger and said he would never make it and now look where he is and none of it is interesting at all. There's no backstory as to how he got to where he is now, there's incredibly sparse detail as to how he was picked on, all it is is just "you made fun of me back then, but now look where I am, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha." It's not impressive, it isn't cool, it's just an annoying taunt, which, funny enough, can also be said about the production and instrumentation. The overblown bass, grating synths, and malismas and vocal effects at the end of each line become incredibly irritating instantaneously, and none of it is helped by that godawful pitch-shifted section right before the first two choruses. But then we get to the guitar solo, which I somehow thought was a vocal fragment with vocal effects out the wazoo piled on to it, and my god, it makes my skin crawl. Just an unpleasant experience all around. Dan Reynolds & Company, you're better than this.

7

     Hello again, Adam Levine. What a displeasure it is seeing you on one of these lists again.

7) Song: Don't Wanna Know

    Artist: Maroon 5 feat. Kendrick Lamar 

    Year-End Position: 38

     Alright, let's get the obvious out of the way: these guys have been going downhill for quite some time, doing nothing but following trends, shoveling out disposable song after disposable song with only the rare exception every now and again and pretty much devolving into nothing but The Adam Levine Experience. All that being said, I don't think I've heard a song that's more of a throwaway, cheap cash-in than this one is. First off, fuck this beat. All it is is this cheap, plastic, bland, plinking tropical beat with these uninteresting guitars completely buried in the already quiet mix that has no flavor or zest in any of what it provides. What reason do I have to listen to this? What is the appeal of this song? Why should I care? Well, apparently, Levine and Kendrick Lamar were asking that same question because my god, these have to be the most dispassionate performances I've ever heard from these two. Now, it's no surprise for Levine to give such a completely phoned-in performance, but Kendrick? What the hell, man? You're supposed to be one of the best in the rap game, the cream of the crop, what the fuck are you doing here? You are so lucky you made DAMN., otherwise I'd be furious. Lyrically, it's about how this guy doesn't wanna know anything about who this girl is taking home and what she's doing now that he and her are broken up, which is immediately contradicted by him complaining about how "why'd she have to do me like that?" and "was our love even really real?" and all that meaningless bullshit. Also, to make the same criticism that people made of Shake It Off by Taylor Swift, if you care so little about this girl, why did you make a song about her? And at least in Shake It Off's case, it had a fun, bouncy instrumental that you could tune out the lyrics entirely and just bop along to. This doesn't even have that. Just pure suckage all around.

6

     I bet you forgot this song existed let alone was big enough to make the year-end chart, part 2. Sidenote: Demi, what the hell are you doing here?

6) Song: No Promises

    Artist: Cheat Codes feat. Demi Lovato

    Year-End Position: 91

    Remember last year when everyone was all over The Chainsmokers' nuts and talked about how much they sucked? Well, to be entirely honest, their big hits have only gotten better to my ears, and believe me, we'll definitely be talking about one of them in the next post. That said, this really only applies to their hits and not much beyond it as the rest of their music still isn't good, and the last thing we needed was a cheap imitation of a deep cut from Memories...Do Not Open that makes Honest sound like the SeeB remix of I Took A Pill In Ibiza. Seriously, between this melody that's so watery, sparkly, and weak, the little "wa wa" effects in the background, the percussion that has a very stilted and awkward swing to it, and the complete clusterfuck that is that scratchy, ear-piercing drop, everything about this beat just gets under my skin. In terms of content, it's just deplorable. All it really comes off to me as is Demi falling head over heels in love for the guy in spite of her conflicting feelings for him, but he's just dismissing her entirely and seems to be in it for the sex as accented by the titular "promise me no promises" line, which a) just uses contradictory statements in an attempt for it to come off as wordplay that's Super Clever™, and b) just completely ignores how she feels altogether and pretty much just goes "yeah, whatever, let's fuck." Dude, fuck you. Speaking of the Cheat Codes guy, he contributes very little to the song in terms of vocals, but my god, he has the lack of personality of Andrew Taggart mixed with the phoned-in-ness of Adam Levine, just a completely empty shell of a performer. The real disappointment, though, is Demi Lovato. She's been a disappointment pretty much all year, but my god, does it really come to a head with her performance here. She stays in this high cooing range the entire song, and it does not sound good at all. If ever there was a clear example of a female artist just losing her touch, this would be an example of that. Worthless song, hope we never hear from these incompetent hack producers again.

5

     I really liked this song at first. Then it went to "okay, this song is definitely heavily flawed, but I still like in spite of all the problems." Then it wore off on me, but I still didn't hate it. Now, after returning to it after a long time of not hearing it, I am finally ready to admit that holy shit, this song fucking sucks.

5) Song: Issues

    Artist: Julia Michaels

    Year-End Position: 29

    I mean, just, wow, how is it possible for something to be this incompetently constructed? For those that don't know, Julia Michaels is an established singer/songwriter who's written songs for numerous acts such as Demi Lovato, Fifth Harmony, Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, and Britney Spears among plenty others. She's released a few EPs since 2010, but it was in 2017 that people decided "hey, she's pretty big with the songwriting, how about we put her behind a microphone and see how she fairs?" And man, was that the wrong decision, because sweet lordy fuck, this woman cannot sing. She's pitchy, she can't hold a note to save a life, and she's so breathy and incomprehensible throughout a good chunk of the song, you'd swear she was choking on something. Seriously, I hear her sing, and I just wanna walk up and give her the Heimlich maneuver. Not only that, but this woman is completely devoid of any personality whatsoever. Say what you want about Camila Cabello, at least she's bubbly and actually sounds like she's having fun while she's singing. Not helping is this complete slog of a beat. The strings aim for this elegant and opulent sound, but they just wind up sounding plodding, and they do not mesh well with the awful sounding bass and finger snaps. And what's all this bombast about? Oh yeah, immature whining about a relationship. In this song, Michaels pretty much just says "yeah, I have my problems, but you're bad too......but I still need you lol luv u babe 😘." It's just irritating hearing Michaels just say "I have problems," but not really list any of them aside from how much she likes this guy despite mercilessly pointing out his flaws and acting as though all of the blame lies with him, which really calls into question how much love she really has for him, at least for me, it does. It's an unpleasant song all the way and one that should've never become popular. Moving on.

4

     Welp, time for the most obvious entry on this list.

4) Song: Body Like A Back Road

    Artist: Sam Hunt

    Year-End Position: 8

      Be real, you all saw this one coming. I mean, seriously, how could I not? It's a song that's gotten a severe amount of flack from the very beginning and it's not like any of that is undeserved. I know I may have spoken positively about Sam Hunt in the past, but man, have those times severely changed as over time, outside of the pretty likable Leave The Night On and House Party, he has become easily one of my least favorite "country" singers working today. He's a complete sleazeball with very little self-awareness, wit, or cleverness in the writing, his production is usually cheap, synthetic, and sounds like ass, and he has absolutely no charm or charisma to forgive any of that. In simpler terms, he's a talentless hack, and Body Like A Back Road is the pinnacle of that. Really, what is there to say about this song that hasn't already been said? The guitar melody is flimsy at best and is incredibly boring, the trap percussion and gang vocals are completely out of place and sound terrible, Hunt's as slimy, gross, and checked out as he usually is in terms of performance, and he talks about how his girl's body is like a back road (which are usually dirty, unkempt, has a bunch of cracks, and a bunch of other things that indicate that a back road should be one of the last things you compare your lover's body to), he says he can turn her jeans inside out without any help (good for you, dude?), has lines that could unintentionally be interpreted as fat jokes ("first time I seen her walk by, man I 'bout fell up out my chair"/"the way she fit in them blue jeans, she don't need no help"/"got hips like honey, so thick and so sweet"/"get there when we get there, every inch is a mile"), says it took him six weeks to get this girls number (because of course he would be that creep), and, to top it all off says "Imma take it slow just as fast as I can," basically meaning his girl wants to do foreplay, but he just wants to get right down to business, so he just rushes it so he can go to town on her and yeah, no, this song is gross. It may be awful in the most predictable of ways, but it doesn't prevent it from being that unbearable. Next.

3

     Oh sweet mother of fuck, this one. This one was on the cusp of making it for quite some time, but it was predicted to just miss the year-end......if only that had come true.

3) Song: Look At Me!

    Artist: XXXTentacion

    Year-End Position: 99

    Okay, a bit of an explanation is needed for this one. Earlier this year, a subsection of hip-hop was popularized called SoundCloud rap, essentially giving charting songs to those who otherwise wouldn't be heard of outside of Spotify and, you guessed it, SoundCloud. Now, there were a few good songs to come out of this, but for the most part, these songs sucked, made up of nothing more than frontmen who have know idea what they're doing over the cheapest, most generic beats possible. However, if there's anything I can say about the rest of them, it's that at least none of them made me think my headphones were broken because this......where to goddamn start with this one? First off, that main riff sounds like an alpaca yawning. It's droning, it sounds awful, and is bothersome as all hell. Then there's XXXStupidName himself whose flow is fast, sure, but that doesn't make it interesting or all that good, and he's just saying the most edgy things he can in an attempt to shock, and it's really pathetic. He thinks he sounds cool and avant-garde, but he just comes off as a try-hard, and it's really laughable with him shouting for people to look at him on the hook, further showing just how desperate he is. And you know what? Say what you want about Silento, but at least when he asked people to watch him dance, he was asking for positive attention. Sorry, but asking people to give you attention because you can say some odious, repugnant stuff doesn't make you look cool or edgy, it just makes you look like an asshole, and a pitiful one at that. The main reason this song is so high on the list, though, is that distortion. I was not kidding about what I said earlier, when I first heard this song, I legit thought my headphones were broken. This is the type of loud, overbearing, staticky distortion that is designed to cause migraines. When it is so loud that it winds up interfering with the vocals and the main riff and makes them as inaudible as possible at multiple places in the song, you need to turn it the fuck down. Oh, and apparently X is an abuser who beat up a pregnant woman. This guy can rot in jail, and while we're on the topic.........

2

     Ooooookay, this one I definitely feel the need to add this trigger warning: this entry and my number one are gonna deal with some pretty touchy subjects, so for this pick, if the topics of sexual assault, rape, and things of that nature are too sensitive or cause flashbacks to events that are traumatizing beyond belief, now is your opportunity to either scroll down or click out of this webpage altogether. Understood? Good. Now with that out of the way, Kodak Black.

2) Song: Tunnel Vision

    Artist: Kodak Black

    Year-End Position: 55

    Okay, before we tackle the song itself, we need to address the elephant in the room: Kodak Black is an absolutely disgusting human being. Back in the February of 2016, he was accused and found guilty of sexual assault when he took a female fan back to his hotel room and proceeded to, without any of her consent, tear her clothes off, bite her multiple times, and rape her as she screamed out for help. These accusations by themselves would be disgusting enough, and I normally don't like to make judgements based off of mere accusations, however a) rape, assault, and those sort of things are in an entirely different level where I am way more inclined to believe the accuser for hopefully obvious reasons and b) there are copious amounts of evidence that point to him having committed this horrendous crime. Now, when it comes to cases like this, I try to separate the art from the artist. After all, someone could be the worst person ever in real life yet make some damn solid music. However, that argument goes right out the window when said artist embeds enough of their personal life into their music that separating the two is pretty much impossible, and such is the case here. Now, already, on a musical level, this song is complete and utter shit. The repetitive set of arpeggios sound like they're being played on an acoustic guitar that isn't anywhere close to tuned, and it's paired with this directionlesss, one note flute that just sounds terrible as well as generic, tapping trap percussion that feels like it's moving way too fast for its own good. Then there's Kodak Black himself, and my god, this guy, on top of being mumbly and incomprehensible at various points in the song, this guy's voice is one of the most nasal and vibrantly grating things I've ever heard, especially when he elongates the  n in "winninnnnnnn'". The final product musically just makes me feel absolutely nauseous. But then we get to the lyrics, and this is where it begins to really piss me off. See, this is a song about how awesome Kodak is and how women love him and

"lil' Kodak, they don't like to see you winninnnnnnn', they wanna see you in the penitentary"

......oh, SCREW YOU! You do NOT get to just shrug off your rape allegations like that, you fucking prick. Is it true that there are innocent black men getting murdered in the streets left and right and getting treated incredibly unfairly by a systemically racist justice system due to the color of their skin? Yes. However, every single bit of evidence suggests that YOU COMMITTED THE FUCKING HORRENDOUS CRIME YOU'RE BEING ACCUSED OF!!!!!! I don't care how "awesome" you think you are, you do not get to just dust this off your shoulders with such a paper thin excuse like that.

But okay, let's say that maybe there's someone who listens to this song and maybe isn't that aware of the situation with Kodak. What about then? Well, even then, the song is still sickening and lazy as all living shit with the surprising amount of flubbed rhymes, an out of place poop joke that screws up the cadence, and such lovely treatment of women with lines like

"I need me a lil baby who gon' listennnnnnn', girl I don't wanna be the one you iggin'"

 and............

"on the real, I need a bih who gon' cooperate"

and my personal favorite............

"I get any girl I want, any girl I want"

Wait, why was that last line cro-

"I get any girl I want, I DON'T GOTTA RAPE"

...

...

...

 

Let's just move on to the dishonorable mentions before I break something. NOW!!!

DHM1) Song: Say You Won't Let Go

              Artist: James Arthur

              Year-End Position: 11

Incredibly bland and basic guitar line paired with well-intentioned yet all over the place lyrics that I would've easily ignored altogether if James Arthur didn't sound like he was about to spew chunks from all he drank the night before. Next.

DHM2) Song: Swang

              Artist: Rae Sremmurd

              Year-End Position: 64

Even when my opinion of these guys rise significantly, they still manage to make a song I can't stand. *sigh*

DHM3) Song: Slippery

              Artist: Migos feat. Gucci Mane

              Year-End Position: 86

Completely gross in terms of the atonal beat and context of what "slippery" means, but doesn't stick in the brain nearly enough to give even an eighth of a shit about.

DHM4) Song: The Fighter

              Artist: Keith Urban feat. Carrie Underwood

              Year-End Position: 100

Incredibly condescending lyrics and phoned-in performances over this production that I couldn't give less of a shit about it not being country in the slightest and more that it's bland, plastic, empty, flavorless, and overall a complete waste of time. Seriously, I can't think of an artist who's dipped in quality as quick as Keith Urban has recently. Well, at least it's not Female.



 

DHM5) Song: Bad Things

              Artist: Machine Gun Kelly feat. Camila Cabello

              Year-End Position: 41

 Consider this the unofficial #11 of the list. Production with a complete dirge of a melody, Camila sounds awful and breathy as she completely butchers the horribly misused interpolation of Out Of My Head by Fastball, MGK cannot manage to come up with a decent flow to save his life, and the less said about the lyrics that attempt to be all kinky and about BDSM and shit but borderline on mutually abusive, the better.

DHM6) Song: Sorry Not Sorry

              Artist: Demi Lovato

               Year-End Position: 47

Have I mentioned how much of a disappointment Demi Lovato's been this year? Because she really has been. This would've made the list if Demi wasn't at least a little convincing in her "bad bitch" role she's playing, but otherwise, hard pass.

DHM7) Song: I Don't Wanna Live Forever

              Artist: Zayn & Taylor Swift

              Year-End Position: 26

It was between this and Look What You Made Me Do for #10. In the end, the latter just edged out this one in terms of awfulness, but it still doesn't excuse how unlistenable this song is. Pro-tip: if you're gonna make a sex song, maybe don't make it as plodding, percussion-heavy, and just plain bad sounding as Unsteady by X Ambassadors. Also, LI          VE. Who thought that was a good idea?

DHM8) Song: Drowning

              Artist: A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie feat. Kodak Black

              Year-End Position: 81

Admittedly decent beat wasted on a frontman whose autotuned flow is grating as hell, generic and lame as hell lyrics filled with flubbed rhymes, luxury porn and unconvincing gangsta imagery, and of course, Kodak fucking Black. "I'm the shit, I'm farting, I don't know how to potty." Need I say more.

Ooooh dear, if there was any #1 I was dreading getting to the most, it'd be this one. But I guess I don't have a choice, now, do I? *sigh* Alright.

1

     Ooooooooh dear. Oh dear dear dear. This is gonna be the hardest pick for the top spot on any of my worst lists I've had to talk about yet. Believe it or not, for the first time, the number one slot on my worst list I feel no anger towards. Rather, I just feel that of extreme exasperation, disappointment, and overall complete squandering of potential. Normally, those things would land a song low on my worst list, just a dishonorable mention, or, as is often the case, not even mentioned at all. However, I feel like this is a......special case. You'll see what I mean in a second, but first, I really do need to put this disclaimer up: much like with Tunnel Vision, the subject matter being discussed in this entry is an incredibly sensitive one to touch on, so once again, I'm offering the same opportunity to click away if such is desired. Got it? Good. Now with that out of the way, Logic.........you broke my heart, man.

1) Song: 1-800-273-8255

    Artist: Logic feat. Alessia Cara & Khalid

    Year-End Position: 31

     Now, before we get into why this song is placing right at the very top of my worst list, I'm actually gonna do something I don't do for songs that are at the top of my worst lists and say that there are actually quite a few things I like about this song, so much so, in fact, that in any other song, they would've easily qualified it for the best list. Let's start off with the instrumentation. I like the general sound of this song with the sweeping strings, subtle guitar, percussion, and overall atmosphere of the song that make it clear that yes, this song is going to be dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts (as if that wasn't clear enough by the lyrical content, but we'll get to that). As for our performers, Logic has a good flow, Alessia's more downplayed performance fits the song quite well, and hell, even Khalid's soulful singing fits in here. On top of that, I do like what the core message of the song is supposed to be, that being that no matter how low you may be feeling, there is always somebody there that you can come to with your problems that will listen. That is a good message and one that a good chunk of people could definitely benefit from keeping in mind. So, with all that being said, why is this at the top of my worst list? Well, good intentions aside, at the end of the day, this is still a song about suicide, and it needs to be judged as such. And......my god, Logic, you screwed this up, and you screwed this up baaaaaaaaaad. I mean, really, is there a song that is a bigger misfire than this when it comes to the topic of suicide?......Well, actually, there is, in the form of Jumper by Third Eye Blind, but that's a completely different can of worms that I'm not even gonna touch right now. First off, whilst the aforementioned core message of the song is admirable, the main issue I take with it is that it's presented as the be-all-end-all when it comes to dealing with suicidal thoughts. Look, positivity can be helpful. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that it will be. You could have the most supportive network of friends, family, and other people who care about you, and it still wouldn't exactly "solve" (for lack of a better term) your depression or make your thoughts of suicide go away. Having one good element around you isn't going to automatically make you feel better. Second, there's the supposed narrative of the song, and where to even begin with the laundry list of problems with it? The entire premise of the song is that our titular character is feeling sad and suicidal, so one day, he calls up the suicide hotline, the person on the other end gives him some simple words of encouragement, and just like magic, he all of a sudden doesn't wanna die anymore. I am not leaving anything out, that is the entire plot of the song. There's no detail of how he got to this low point in terms of mental stability, no signs of how he knows other people don't care about him as he claims in the song, nothing about his home life, his personal life, nothing. All it is comprised of is nothing but vague stereotypes and preconceived notions of what a suicidal person is like from someone who sounds like they've never even met a depressed person at all, and yeah, that's a huge-ass problem. For a song with the adlib of "WHO CAN RELATE? WOO!" (which I don't even think I need to remind you shouldn't have even been considered at all), it is the least relatable thing possible when it comes to those who actually have dealt with suicide and depression and things of that nature. Yes, listening to the song, I am fully aware of how pure Logic's intentions supposedly were, and yes, I know that this song has actually helped quite a bit of people and encouraged them to call the hotline, and if you're reading this and that's the case for you, more power to ya, but for me, intentions can only get you so far, and when the execution is botched this severely, I'm sorry, no, I have to call a spade a spade and say that this song is awful, through and through. Oh, and about that hotline, yeah, it is way more complicated than just dialing the number up, someone on the other end gives you some generic unicorns and rainbows inspirational bullshit, and then poof, you're better. I've never even used the hotline, and even I know that. Now, normally, this would be where I'd be done and say "and there you have it, 1-800-273-8255 is my pick for the worst hit song of the year, see you on the best list," but......I do have one more thing I want to share. Normally, when I pick a song to top my worst list, it is completely of my own volition, no outside involvement whatsoever. However, while that is still the case for the most part, this time, I did have a little bit of......inspiration for this pick, and that inspiration came from one Kumerai Fang. Not long ago, she released her own list of what she considers the worst hits of 2017, and this song was placed as her #5. In it, she got personal and described her own bout with depression and suicidal thoughts as well as a certain recurring nightmare that I'm not sure I should mention here, and honestly, I only feel it fitting that I do the same. Final warning: this is your last chance to click away now if anything I describe becomes too much. Now, for this, I need to take you guys back to the November of 2012, not long into my 10th grade year AKA the worst year of my entire life, no exaggeration. During this time, I was at my most reclusive, just bottling up all of the feelings I had at the time completely unaware and headless of the consequences. This, in turn, was causing my grades to slip to the lowest they'd ever been, which then added on to the problems I was already having at home. I felt like a failure of a person and contemplated taking my own life. I knew how much my peers, teachers, and especially my family members, my parents in particular (especially my mom) would be devastated if I were no longer on the face of the earth, but I just couldn't find any way to make myself feel better or to make anyone else think better of me. I never attempted anything (thank god), but I did write a letter expressing my grievances, feelings, and desires to off myself (specifically with a knife), slipped it under my door, which my mom then found, read, and had me taken to the hospital where I was later referred to the crisis center that I received the help that I am, to this day, thankful as fuck that I received. I spent a week in there, a week that included my 17th birthday btw, getting treatment, taking my recommended dosage of Zoloft (that I'm still on to this day), participating in group activities and support with those facing similar experiences to mine, and the works. The week before that, however, I would have this recurring dream. In it, I would be knelt on either the bathroom floor or the area behind the bed in my parents' bedroom, and I would have a knife. I would stab myself in the stomach, rip it across, and just continue to pull and pull and pull my guts out. But I would never die, and my guts just seemed endless, to the point where, in my dream, I would break down crying, and yet, unlike Kumerai, who would jolt awake in the middle of the night in tears from her dream, I would wake up the next day unfazed by what I just saw in my dream. That is, all but the night before I was taken to the hospital, where I actually did wake up in the middle of the night, but not jolting awake and not in tears. This time, I just calmly walked to the kitchen, saw the block of knives was gone, opened the drawer, saw the ones that were usually in there were gone, and just went back to bed, all without an ounce of emotion or feeling of anything, that's how numb I was. Looking back, knowing that I not only had that dream, but that it didn't evoke any reaction out of me in the least bit and definitely that it caused me to do that last thing, which I don't even know why I did, that scares the shit out of me, and thank god my mom was more than smart enough to hide those knives because I assure you, if she hadn't, I very well would not be here today. To anyone reading this who is currently thinking about suicide and maybe has tried surrounding yourself with positivity and a good network of support, please, I implore you, get some help. Call the suicide hotline if you need to, yes, but do more than that if need be. Express your grievances to someone you can confide in, talk to your doctor or psychiatrist or any trained medical professional who can help you out with these sort of situations. Take your medicine, make sure you're taking care of your body like you need to be, just whatever you do, take as many steps as you need to to make sure you can crawl out of the dark place you're in. I don't want you to listen to Logic, think it's as simple as the one phone call and you're fixed, and then go back to your original state if not worse if it doesn't work. I want you to be here. You matter. Never forget that.