Well, I've been waiting to do this for a long time, and now I finally get the opportunity. Awesome possum. So, the 2000s. This is the era of music I am most familiar with outside of what is currently playing on the radio today. Reason for this is the fact that it's the time period that I spent a majority of my life in, thus meaning that, of course, a lot of songs would come to my attention, some of which I'd find out later that I was more familiar with than I thought, whether that be for better or for worse. And yes, I know I'm doing this right after TheDoubleAgent just finished wrapping up his series for this, so this could be considered a ripoff, but y'know what? Fuck it. I have almost an entirely different set of opinions from him (although there are quite a few moments where our thoughts on something overlap), and unlike him thinking the 2000s were an abysmal time for music, number one hits in particular, I found myself enjoying it way more than I probably should. Yeah, as much as I probably should, I don't look for any particular trends or what something is representative of or anything like that. I look at if I enjoy a song or not and if I find it enjoyable/detestable enough to make either of my lists or be in the honorable/dishonorable mentions. I wound up with a staggering 45, let me repeat that, 45 contenders for the best list, and I only found 28 that I thought were awful enough for the worst list. Make no mistake, though, the songs I'm about to show here are all terrible in my opinion, and in a variety of ways, so I can't really say what all of these songs have in common in this preamble that I'm just ready to be done with aside from the fact that they all suck. So, without further adieu, let us begin, shall we?
20
Well, time to make a whole mess of people angry right from the jump.
20) Song: No One Artist: Alicia Keys Year It Was #1: 2007
Look, let me just state right now that I think Alicia Keys is a perfectly fine artist. A lot of her music is incredibly sonically pleasing to the ears, she has a pretty solid vocal range, and is more often than not given production and instrumentation that works incredibly well with said vocal range. That being said, none of her music really sticks in the brain all that well, or at least not as much as it should. I don't know, it just doesn't last for me. I don't really find it all that interesting. Well, except for this one, which is interesting and memorable, but most certainly not in a good way. I will admit to liking that pretty slick piano line and say that the lyrical content is something that I buy coming from Keys, but honestly, that's about it. The aforementioned piano line does not match the pounding percussion that has no punch or weight to it at all yet somehow manages to give me a migraine, the synthline is sludgy and grating as all hell (seriously, whoever told the producers it was a good idea to include that synth, fire them immediately), but most disappointing is Alicia Keys herself. She's trying so hard to attempt to convey some sort of strong emotion, but by god, she is falling so flat, and keep in mind guys, this is Alicia freaking Keys we're talking about here, someone who is usually able to pull that off without a hitch. What the hell happened here? On top of that, she just sounds so simpering, so whiny, nasal, breathy, she sounds like she is singing with a head cold. Hell, even on her worst single, Girl On Fire, she at least sounded decent (well, minus the chorus, that is). This song has pieces of a good song in it, but as a whole, it's just a mess that desperately needed cohesion that just isn't there. It's like trying to just glue a bunch of random things together with some really weak glue, and the end result just being one sticky, messy, unpleasant mess with clean up that nobody wants to be with. Alicia, you're better than this.
19
And speaking of artists who should know better.........
19) Song: Love In This Club
Artist: Usher feat. Young Jeezy
Year It Was #1: 2008
Unlike with Alicia Keys, I love a lot of Usher's music. He has just the right amount of balance between being sexy, emotional, and energetic. I genuinely do believe he is indeed one of the best R&B stars of our generation. I first heard Yeah!, and was immediately hooked, and it even led me to find gems he had before then like You Make Me Wanna..., Nice & Slow, U Remind Me, U Got It Bad, and a few others. That said, he has had his bombs, and this is one of them. Look, on some level, I see what this song was going for: it's a warped club anthem that's supposed to be both fun and hypnotic at the same time. I get that. Thing is, though, the whole thing just falls completely flat for me. Usher sounds decent on this song, but it is pretty clear how much he's phoning in his performance here. Seriously, he just doesn't have the soul or energy that he has on his other songs. On top of that, the production is just not that good. The percussion is incredibly limp, the synths are pretty off key and completely lifeless, and they get completely choppy in the chorus with one of the most annoying melodies I've ever heard in a club song in this vein. Then we have Young Jeezy, who I don't think I've ever been a fan of, giving a verse that's way too aggressive for this sort of laid back type of dance song, has no flow, and includes lines like "it's going down on isle 3, I'll bag you like some groceries," which I don't even know how to respond to, it's that bad, and just spewing the same vapid luxury porn we've heard done better elsewhere. Yeah, this is awful, but it wouldn't be the first time Usher would be involved with a terrible club "jam."
Seriously, why the fuck does this exist?
18
Goddammit, Beyoncé, you have so much talent. Why would you choose to waste it like this?
18) Song: Check On It
Artist: Beyoncé feat. Slim Thug & Bun B
Year It Was #1: 2006
Seriously, I'm willing to defend a good chunk of Beyoncé's material, and hell, I'm one of the few that even likes Single Ladies. She has so much life, so much personality, seriously, you will know when you're listening to Beyoncé. Except not here. She is just so void of life or any personality on this song. To see her reduced to such a thin sliver of something that she's able to pull off so flawlessly. Will someone please kill the guy with the vacuum that sucks the talent out of artists who have proven multiple times that they have it? Seriously. Anyway, I am usually able to like, or at the very least, tolerate Beyoncé's vocals most of the time, and she's not that irritating here, I guess, but she's just completely checked out (ironically enough), and her vocal melody is so stilted and awkward that it's hard to really get into all that much. By all accounts, I guess I'm kinda irked by the lyrics of making a guy chase her to try and get some sex from Beyoncé and the whole thing being a gigantic cock tease, but it's not that bad, honestly, and besides, while the line "all men talk but don't please" is pretty insufferable in that it typecasts all men as being sex-hungry people who talk a big game yet have nothing to show for it, it's just one line and not an entire song of that type of sentiment (*cough*IfIWereABoy*cough*), so I can easily ignore it. What I can't ignore is that beat. Seriously, between the thin, simpering, one note synthline, jangling, clattery percussion, and obnoxious whistle sounds that come in during the forced, obnoxious, and unnecessary rap verses, I'm not sure which element gets under my skin more. Definitely a disappointment, to say the least.
17
And here's a group that have had more misses than hits.
17) Song: Boom Boom Pow
Artist: The Black Eyed Peas
Year It Was #1: 2009
Unlike the other groups I listed, The Black Eyed Peas are a group whose music I don't really tend to enjoy all that much, being perfectly honest. I mean, they were definitely great in 2003 and 2004 (going by the time after they included Fergie to the group, I'm honestly not familiar with their material at all before then), but after My Humps hit in 2005, things were downhill from there with only a few exceptions every now and again. This isn't the worst example of what I'm talking about, but it most certainly isn't safe from my scorn. First off, this beat is godawful. No two elements line up in a succinct, coherent way. It all ends up being nothing more than a mishmash of random noises and elements that try to be futuristic but just wind up sounding dated as hell. The hissing synth that runs in the background and doesn't shut up often enough, the percussion that would fit in any other club song but feels completely out of place here, and the autotune on every single performer's vocals is just ear-piercing. Seriously, it is constant, and it never sounds good, and same goes for the vocal layering during the parts when they say "boom boom boom." Of course, when Fergie does decide to sing without the aid of any vocal effects, she decides to use the most obnoxious, ear scraping inflections she possibly can. Seriously, Ferg, that shit is part of the reason songs like London Bridge and L.A. Love are so unbearable. And do I even need to bring up how much of a cringefest these lyrics are? Seriously, these guys are talking about how awesome they think they are, but it just comes off as so lame, it's just embarrassing. And this was the biggest hit of 2009 and not I Gotta Feeling. I don't get you people, sometimes.
16
Well, as long as we're on the topic of hit and miss......
16) Song: Ain't It Funny
Artist: Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule & Cadillac Tah
Year It Was #1: 2002
Look, I can tolerate JLo. Yeah, she makes some pretty shallow and forgettable music, but she has a good voice, she normally has some pretty tolerable production backing her normally, and the subject matter is usually decent at least. That said, this is not one of those times. The lyrics depicting a woman seeing right through a man who only wants her after they broke up and not being a good boyfriend in the relationship when they were together, it is good, great even. However, even with that, I've always been of the mindset that a song can be the best written thing out there, but if it sounds terrible, then I am not gonna like it, and this song definitely falls into that trap. This song pretty much jacks the beat from Flava In Ya Ear by Craig Mack, a song that had a terrible beat to begin with, and while some of the features they add to it aren't that bad, the central riff is still very much prominent, and its stabbing, stiff, wooden synth has no groove or any visceral punch to it is incredibly grating to the ears. Then there's Ja Rule and Cadillac Tah who just delve into making a generic "thugs need love too" song that objectifies women and yeah, no, I'm done with this. NEXT!
15
And now for a musical act that if I had any respect for them to begin with, I certainly don't now.
I mean, really, you listen to a song like this, and you wouldn't think that this would be the woman that would go on to give us such great songs like 1, 2 Step, Get Up, Body Party, I Bet, and Dance Like We're Making Love, because wow, this song blows, no way around it. Nearly everyone has pointed out how the main synth that goes on throughout the song's entirety sounds like a dentist drill, and they're not wrong. I mean, what else is there to say about it? It sounds awful. But that's only a bite sized portion of why I hate this song so much. Apart from that main synth, the ones during the chorus are so chintzy and grating, and the whole thing just feels so disgustingly open and gross, it's kinda hard to explain. The lyrics try to have some sort of sexual empowerment feel to them, but they do not mesh well with Ciara's vocals. She's just so breathy and limp on this song, and she has nowhere near the amount of charisma or energy needed to pull this sort of thing off, and the shrill high notes she uses at certain points in the song do not do her any favors. Then we have Petey Pablo acting like a leering creep and dancing and staring at Ciara like she's a delicious plate of ribs. Yes, I did steal that joke from Bennett, don't judge me. Not much else to say about this song. It sucks. Moving on.
13
Hey, here's a statement that's not that controversial: hit singles of reality talent show winners tend to usually suck.
13) Song: This Is The Night
Artist: Clay Aiken
Year It Was #1: 2003
God, that face just looks so punchable, doesn't it?
Well, if this isn't one of the most turgid, lifeless, bland, monotonous wastes of time I've ever heard, then I don't know what is. Okay, real talk, who here actually remembers Clay Aiken? The only things I remember about him are that he's openly gay, he made this dreck, and he did a song with Chaka Khan for a Phineas & Ferb TV special that happens to be one of the worst if not the worst Disney inspirational song I've ever heard. That's it. And honestly, I'm not surprised that people forgot about him, nor am I complaining because this guy's singing voice is just flat out terrible. No wonder this guy lost to Ruben Studdard in 2003. How this song managed to debut at number one and block the genuinely great Flying Without Wings from getting the top spot because Flying Without Wings really is a great song that is incredibly uplifting. This, on the other hand, is the Fight Song of '03, and make no mistake, I do not use that phrase lightly. Instrumentation that builds up to nothing but a loud, cluttered mess, lower yet nasal vocals from Clay with multiple elongated syllables that do nothing but just piss me off, lyrics that are meant to be seen as being saved from some sort of nonexistent struggle and actually wind up being completely worthless, the whole thing is just one gigantic mess. It's actually way worse than Fight Song in that regard. At least Rachel Platten could sing. Aiken's vocals make Darren Hayes of Savage Garden sound like Freddie Mercury. And it just goes on. And on. And ON! Seriously, this thing just feels endless even though it's only three and a half minutes long. I feel like I should have a beard and several wrinkles all over my body by the time I'm done listening to it. Of course, at least Clay isn't as universally hated as............
12
......these cretens. Or should I say, these Creedins............ I'll see myself out now.
Song: With Arms Wide Open
Artist: Creed
Year It Was #1: 2000
I don't think I'll be breaking any new ground here when I say that Creed absolutely sucked. Their material was more often than not sludgy, lacking in any sort of raw power, energy, or memorable guitar riffs or melodies, their content was overly melodramatic nearly every single time, and Scott Stapp's voice is pure sandpaper to the ears. Nearly all of this, unsurprisingly, is true of their biggest hit to date, With Arms Wide Open, a completely gutless, formless guitar "rock" ballad about the joys of finding out that one is going to be a parent with all the life and suspense of a funeral reception. Again, I know that line's been said multiple times by now, but really, is it any less true? To be fair, this is probably Stapp's most tolerable vocal performance, mostly because he stays in his lower range, but that's not saying much when he still sounds like he was shot in the stomach multiple times and is now doubled over in pain. The guitar line may as well not even be there given how muddled and uninspired it sounds, and the solo near the end tries to add some substance into the song, but just does not work at all. The lyrics are about the narrator guiding his future son to take life by the hand and how ready he is to be his kid's guide and oh my god, this song is so saccharine it makes me want to get this shit out of my system by either throwing up until my esophagus erodes away completely or getting explosive diarrhea so severe that I die of dehydration. Okay, maybe it's not that bad, but you see what I mean. Seriously, though, screw this song. Fuck you, Creed.
11
Candy.
Song: Laffy Taffy
Artist: D4L
Year It Was #1: 2006
Show of hands, how many people saw this coming? By now, this song has been thoroughly eviscerated by anyone who has ears and isn't a prepubescent teenager, and for good reason. The comparison of genitalia (most often, male genitalia) to candy has always been gross and unappealing, and whoever thought it was a good idea either has some issues he hasn't worked out with himself and is a total freak (and not in a good way), or he probably smoked a whole bunch of crack that had the added side effect of giving him a sweet tooth so bad that he could consume all the candy in the world, and it still wouldn't satisfy it. While I didn't like either of the other two songs to hit number one in this vein, Candy Shop by 50 Cent and Lollipop by Lil Wayne, the former at least had a decent beat even if it was the sterile mediocrity that Scott Storch was pumping out at the time, and the latter didn't really rise above just being plain boring. This, on the other hand, is just plain torture. From the overly simplistic beat to the juvenile, cringeworthy lyrics to Fabo himself sounding like he's singing the whole song like he's crying while doing so in the most vibrantly grating way possible, this song is just a trainwreck. It doesn't even loop back around from being awful to being awesome again, no, it's just plain terrible in every sense, no redeeming factor to be found. Also, Fabo, you do know that Jolly Ranchers are, like, an inch long and get smaller the longer you suck on them, right? If my understanding of oral sex is correct, that's not something that's supposed to happen.
And now to close this part off with a few quick dishonorable mentions:
DHM1) Song: Baby Boy
Artist: Beyoncé feat. Sean Paul
Year It Was #1: 2003
Sterile, lifeless beat, phoned in performances from Beyoncé and Sean Paul, generic lyrics, complete waste of time
DHM2) Song: Shake Ya Tailfeather
Artist: Nelly feat. P. Diddy & Murphy Lee
Year It Was #1: 2003
Mind bogglingly awful, but way too stupid to get worked up over
DHM3) Song: 21 Questions
Artist: 50 Cent feat. Nate Dogg
Year It Was #1: 2003
An interesting concept and great Nate Dogg hook ruined by a limp beat and 50 Cent providing lyrics riddled with tonal whiplash and a plethora of groanworthy punchlines
DHM4) Song: I'm Real (Murder Remix)
Artist: Jennifer Lopez feat. Ja Rule
Year It Was #1: 2001
The beat is actually pretty decent, the lyrics are passable, Lopez herself sounds good, but Ja Rule is, like, the worst
Ah, 2008. What an absolutely fabulous year for music. There was a mix of silly club jams and more serious songs in terms of rap, pop was a mix of ballads, dance songs, and even some that are a mix of the two, the R&B was becoming a lot more sleeker, sexier, and smoother, and rock, ignoring the completely sludgy embarrassment that was Addicted by Saving Abel, was surprisingly eclectic and full of substance (granted, a lot of it was leftover from 2007, but even still). And while others will point to songs like Viva La Vida, So What, and Superstar for their favorite hit of '08, I'm pointing to a song from the one genre that took up only 1/20th of the year-end chart (1/25th if you don't count All Summer Long by Kid Rock like I do), that being country music. Seriously, looking through the year-end chart for 2008, country music seemed so sparse that year. I mean, I liked all of the songs from that genre that made it (yes, even All Summer Long, and yes, I am counting that as country), don't get me wrong, but seriously, three of them are Taylor Swift songs, and I'm pretty sure damn near everyone else, regardless of whether or not they consider it country, hates All Summer Long. Thankfully, we have a saving grace amongst them, the one I consider the absolute best, and it's made even more surprising from the fact that it's coming from such a hack as Trace freaking Adkins, of all people.
Yeah, not gonna lie, taking off the rose-tinted glasses, the vast majority of this guy's output flat out sucks. Most people only know him for the notoriously awful Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, and believe me, while that song does blow, it is *far* from the worst thing Adkins has ever released as he doesn't exactly have a very good track record. I mean, sure, he has a good song in him every now and then (I still think Hot Mama is ridiculously enjoyable in a screwball sort of way, plus there's the song we're gonna be talking about in a second), but even ignoring ol' Country Bar Butt Shaking, this guy's output sucks and in a variety of ways. From insufferable arrogance (Ladies Love Country Boys, Songs About Me, Rough & Ready) to bland, sappy, lifelessness (There's A Girl In Texas, Every Light In The House), as well as the obvious just being plain unfunny and utterly cringe-inducing (Swing, Chrome, the aforementioned Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, the first two actually being a lot worse than the last one, if you can believe it). That said, if there is one thing he is able to pull off and pull off well at that, it's sentimentality. He has the vocal range, expressiveness, and even the writing chops to make songs like I'm Tryin', Then They Do, Arlington, Just Fishin', and of course, the song on the table today, You're Gonna Miss This, work, and while out of what I just listed, I'd have to go with Arlington as my favorite of the bunch, this isn't very far behind, honestly.
For starters, the instrumentation is superb. It's incredibly spacious, melodic, and able to carry the feel through its lush guitars that gain a lot of power in the two choruses that aren't the beginning one, yet it somehow manages to avoid the trap of feeling too syrupy or like it's trying too hard to be emotional. It feels natural and organic, which is always a huge plus. On top of that, the loud/soft dynamic is being used perfectly here. This is the type of song that that would be perfect for, and it certainly isn't wasted here. It's all it needs to be: soft verses, buildup, strong chorus. It doesn't try for anything more, and honestly, it doesn't really need to. Well, except for the third verse, that is, which is actually my favorite part, musically. I especially love how percussive the song gets during that part without losing its melodic foundation, makes the first part quiet and soft, and then returns to the big, sweeping feel that it originally had. It's a pretty minor change in the grand scheme of things, but damn does it work well.
Then we have Adkins himself, and I gotta say, he really should use his deeper, more bassy voice for more of this stuff. Normally when he uses it, he's trying to sound cool and awesome, but more often than not, it makes him sound like a complete tool. He really is someone who's meant more to emote, and the lower range he's constantly working in is definitely best suited. If anything, he sounds more like a parent most concerned with the safety and well-being of their kid(s), and while that may sound bad on the surface, it actually works really well in this circumstance.
Of course, the big reason the whole concerned parent motif works so well on this song is because of what we now come to, the aspect of the song that really makes me fall in love with it, the lyrics. They tell this story of a girl who is thinking about her future perhaps a little too much as in one instance, she's in the car in front of the high school with her mom, musing about how she can't wait to be out of school and out of the house. The next, she's a newlywed getting her one-bedroom apartment, and when her dad stops by to help her get it ready to live in, she says that while it'll do for now, she one day hopes to upgrade to a house and have some kids. In the last moment of the story, it's half a decade later, and everything in her house is pure chaos from the phone ringing off the hook to the dog barking his head off to having to deal with two loud, crying kids (one crying a lot louder than the other, apparently). She keeps profusely apologizing to the plumber that's there working on the water heater, but he says he doesn't mind as he has "two babies of his own," as Trace has the plumber in that scene put it, who are ages 36 and 23 respectively. All three of these scenes are wrapped up with a chorus reminding her that while things may not seem as good as they could right now, she must cherish the moments she has right now as she may not be able to recapture them and may even want them back despite wanting out of the current situation she's in. It's very much a song about living in the moment, and honestly, you have no idea how well this works, or at least in my opinion. The framing of the song doesn't place anyone in a superior or inferior position, and the reminders to the young girl from her mom saying she was just like her at one point, to her dad, in a really loving manner, tells her "baby, just slow down," to the plumber bringing up his kids, it really is a song about embracing one's youth and just how much we take it for granted. I'm sure we all have had moments when we were younger where we longed to just be away from our parents (granted, this is coming from someone who still lives with his parents, so take that with a pinch of salt) and just be free of responsibilities, only to be slapped hard in the face by the reality that is college and the workforce and various other things that not only aren't free of responsibilities at all, but have a completely different set of responsibilities that we're not nearly as used to and could be even more difficult to keep up with, thus causing us to long for the days when we were still in high school, and all we had to worry about was how much homework we'd have that night and what we were gonna wear to school the next day. It isn't a song that holds the listener's hand, yet at the same time, it's not one that slaps them across the face and says "shut up, you don't have it that hard, now just do as you're told." It's the perfect middle ground, and I think that's why I love it so much.
Well, there you have it. You're Gonna Miss This by Trace Adkins: my favorite hit song of 2008. A beautiful country song with a magnificent message from an otherwise completely useless singer. Hope you guys enjoyed reading, and I'll see you guys next time.
You ever just randomly stumble across a song, one that you're pretty sure next to none of your peers have heard of, yet it's a song that you just can't get out of your mind, whether that be for positive or negative reasons? Follow up question: you ever see a music critic's best/worst list for a certain year based off of that year's Billboard year-end chart, look at what they said about similar songs in the one you're thinking about's vein, and wonder "wow, how did this person not put that song on the list?" Well, there are two things you need to know about me. The first is that I follow and keep up with the blog postings of one B-HOP Da Maestro. I briefly mentioned him in my 1995 best list I posted on my birthday six months ago, but let me just say that this man is an excellent reviewer as well as, from my experience following him on Twitter, an excellent person. This man can articulate why he likes/doesn't like/feels ambivalent towards a song in ways I could only dream of. He is very detailed, descriptive, and thorough in what elements of a song either make him smile in delight or revolt and quiver in disgust. He and I may not always see eye to eye on certain songs, but I do see where he is coming from at least most of the time. Another thing you need to know about me is that usually when I go through a particular year in music's Billboard year-end chart, I watch, for reference, videos on YouTube where snippets of the songs from that year-end chart are played in order backwards from 100 to 1 before listening to the songs that really stand out to me, whether for better or worse, in full to form some sort of opinion on them. One year that I keep coming back to, if only for the fact that it keeps popping up time after time in my "recommended videos" section, is 1990, and the second song from that list, at position #99, I keep hearing and have not been able to stop thinking about for nearly a year and a half is Mentirosa by Mellow Man Ace, a Cuban rapper from Los Angeles California who used to be a member of hip hop group DVX before leaving to pursue a solo career in 1988 before the group would become Cypress Hill the following year. Recently, B-Hop finished up a project that he had been working on for months titled BACK TO THE 90s, a project in which he went through each individual year of the 1990s, did an in-depth worst list on each year from 1990 to 1999 (with his best list added at the end), and concluded with an in-depth, two-part look at his 100 favorite songs of that entire decade. I remember seeing him announce this on Twitter last year and being stoked as you have no idea how much of a sucker for retro lists like this I am, and given that he has expressed his disdain for douchey Hip Hop/R&B songs that involve cheating and being an all out bag of dicks for no good reason and/or no reason at all, such examples including Loyal and Post To Be as well as later thrashing I Got A Man by Positive K on the 1993 worst list and My Baby Daddy by B-Rock & Da Bizz on the 1997 worst list, I thought for sure that this song would be a shoe-in for his 1990 worst list given what I heard in the short, 25 second snippet of the song in this video. Alas, it got not even a dishonorable mention, and if I'm being perfectly honest, I don't really have a clue why because oh dear god, I am ready to say it: I consider this song to be the absolute worst hit song of 1990. Yes, even worse than the two Michael Bolton songs I used to give that title to (those being How Am I Supposed To Live Without You? and When I'm Back On My Feet Again, for those wondering) despite that man being the cancer of soft rock.
Where to even begin with this song? Oh, I know, how about with the godawful production? This song manages to take the guitar line from Santana's Evil Ways and make it sound so limp and pathetic that it quite literally sounds like the guitar is dying. It also tacks on a line from another Santana song, No One To Depend On, and chops it up and makes it stutter more than Jimmy from South Park because.........horse on a rainbow, hell if I know. Then there's the percussion consisting mainly of an annoying jumping sound from an old SNES game. And don't even get me started on the record scratching, oh my god, the fucking record scratching. Look, having the record scratch sound effect once or twice in a song isn't really that big of a deal for me, but when you have them out the ass like this song does, holy shit, it is un-fucking-bearable.
Then we have Mellow Man Ace himself, and I'll be straight up with you guys, this guy flat out sucks as an emcee. This dude has no flow whatsoever. His flow is so lethargic and lifeless. I'm surprised MC Hammer didn't sue for jacking his flow. On top of that, there's the mixing of the English language with Spanish to try and make the song a little more interesting, which I would be fine with if it wasn't so goddamn embarrassing. For something like that to work, you either have to be high energy and charismatic, or you have to be able to pull off a smooth, cool guy attitude. Say what you want about Gerardo's performance on Rico Suave, he at least had the former going for him. Mellow Man Ace tries to pull off the latter, but he is failing hard, and it just makes me want to punch this guy in the dick.
Of course, if the delivery didn't make me want to punch this asshole's penis off, then the lyrics would because now we come to the thing that pisses me off most about the song, the content. In this song, the narrator finds out that his girl is cheating because he received information that she went to a party instead of to her uncle's house like she said she was going to, unaware of the fact that he and the bartender are friends. Now, I will admit that the girl cheating in this scenario is most definitely in the wrong for cheating and lying to her boyfriend like that. However, the way this guy handles it is beyond childish. Dude, she may have been in the wrong, but the way you tar and feather her doesn't exactly paint you in a positive light either, ya feel me? He then goes on to say she's nothing short of a liar, a "straight mentirosa" as he calls her, who will say one thing one day and says something else the next, which calls into question why the hell he's with this woman if he seems to have this must distrust for her in the first place. The part that really tips this song into outright offensive territory for me, though, is that in the second half of the song, he outright slutshames her and makes her out to not be a worthy girlfriend because of how many guys she's slept with. Look, I don't care if this woman cheats on you a million times, steals your car, and steals your credit card and puts thousands of dollars worth of clothes, jewelry, and other expensive things on there. You do not ever, EVER say that a woman is unworthy of being with someone due to how sexually promiscuous she is or how many partners she may have had in the past. That is the sort of regressive, misogynistic attitude that damn near everyone hates, and to see this guy basically saying "come get her, boys, she's a whore anyway, so do what you want with her" is just blood-boilingly reprehensible in every single since of the word.
There you have it: Mentirosa by Mellow Man Ace: my pick for the worst hit song of 1990. A terribly produced, immature, childish piece of garbage that makes me want to shove scissors in my ear whenever I hear it. B-Hop, how in the nine realms of Asgard did this miss your worst list? Glad I got that off my chest. See you guys next time.
Well, now that we've gotten rid of the crap, let's dive in to the awesomeness. Like I said last time, 2015 was incredibly superb for music, and I actually had to expand my list to get all that I wanted to make the list on here. So much so, in fact, that this is be my largest list to date. So, let's not waste any time, let's get to that shortened list of honorable mentions (there's 30 songs on the main list, I'm not putting too many songs that didn't make the list here).
HM1) Song: Lay Me Down
Artist: Sam Smith
Year-End Position: 81
I like Sam Smith okay, but he's never really been someone I've found all that impressive. This song, however, is exactly that: impressive. The softer piano line and moving string section go wonderfully with Sam Smith's on-the-verge-of-tears vocal delivery, and both of those things culminate extraordinarily with the lyrics depicting the pain of missing someone and having such an emotional connection to that person that it feels like you're about to have a heart attack when they're not with you. Not really a lot to say here. It's just an incredibly sweeping song with beautiful orchestration, powerful vocals, great lyrics, and if you haven't heard it yet, I highly recommend doing so.
No beating around the bush, this song is just buttloads of fun. Seriously, there is so much energy and groove to this that it's hard for me not to jam out to this. Most of this has to do with the instrumentation with its bouncy bassline, minor interjections of some pretty funky horn, light piano keys, all of which is balanced really well with the percussion that is just the right weight for this sort of song. Trainor sounds amazing on this song. Her vocals are incredibly strong, and while she is usually criticized heavily for her rapping, she's actually able to keep a pretty solid flow here. As for the lyrics, there's not much detail as to how this guy played her, but it's not played so callously that Meghan acts like he's the worst thing that's ever happened to her. All he did was play with her heart and constantly lie, and for those reasons, she feels the need to break off the relationship. Simple, but surprisingly effective. Sure, it bites a little bit from All About That Bass, but every other element is definitely strong enough to drown that out. Solid track.
HM3) Song: Wildest Dreams
Artist: Taylor Swift
Year-End Position: 57
This is Taylor Swift's stab at dreampop, and man, is it breathtaking as ever. The hazy beat offers the experience of being in a dream sequence, and it fits incredibly well with the subject matter of wanting to be with someone even if it only happens in your dreams, and Taylor manages to give a sleepy performance while not sounding bored and still giving great amounts of melody and harmony to her vocals. It's just every synonym for beautiful that there is and then some, and I am so glad that it hit the top ten on Billboard.
HM4) Song: Can't Feel My Face
Artist: The Weeknd
Year-End Position: 12
Solid bassline, silly lyrics that aren't mind-numbingly insulting, The Weeknd bringing a lot of charisma and energy to the track, incredibly fun, and funny enough, isn't even the best track off of Beauty Behind The Madness. Seriously, check that album out if you haven't already.
HM5) Song: Back To Back
Artist: Drake
Year-End Position: 99
Straight fire with incredible flow, hard hitting punches to Meek Mill's gut with a lot of wit and thought put in to them, a beat that is incredibly full with a dark string section and some solid percussion, and overall just pure energy. 'Nuff said.
HM6) Song: Fight Song
Artist: Rachel Platten
Year-End Position: 20
MY! FREAKING! GOD! I've heard just about every reason in the book as to why people hate this. "It's cliche." "It does nothing new." "It's generic." "It's weak." "It's this." "It's that." "It's-"
Like I said earlier this year, generic music can be done right, and this is a prime example of that. Sure, it doesn't exactly rise above the empty platitudes (or should I say......Plattentudes XD........I'll just go sit down now :/ ) of your standard empowerment anthem, but nothing is outright bad about any of them, and the instrumentation and vocals more than make up for what the lyrics lack (speaking of which, the rhyme in the chorus is "fight, life, and alright," not just "song" four times like a lot of people are saying). Platten's vocals are smooth yet show the unease and distress that come with dealing with hardships in life fairly well, and the accompanying arrangement backing her is just spot on. The loud-soft dynamic actually works fairly well and has a really great buildup to it, and the melody of the strings, piano, guitar, and synths as well as the driving force of the percussion on the chorus really make this an incredible and beautiful listen, and I give no fucks what anyone else says.
Alright, now after those nominees, we can getto our long, longlist of main attractions.
30) Song: Take Your Time
Artist: Sam Hunt
Year-End Position: 45
Oh, I know this pick is gonna raise some eyebrows, but y'know what, I'll say it: Take Your Time by Sam Hunt is a really sweet and genuine song.....no, I'm not just pulling your leg. The instrumentation is lush and has a lot of melody to it, Sam Hunt's half-sung, half-fast talking delivery is actually pretty clever, and they actually play off each other pretty well. Honestly, though, it's the lyrical content that got me to really enjoy this song for what it was. Basically, it's about Hunt wanting to get with this girl who had been through tons of emotional turbulence and, for this one night, wants to make her feel special in order to compensate for the psychological Hell that she'd been through, and honestly, I'd say that he pulls it off pretty well. His lyrics about staving off those trying to mess with her and egg her on even though she clearly isn't interested is actually kind of poignant, and Sam's attitude during the entire ordeal stays fairly likable. On top of that, it's really more of an offer than anything else, and there really isn't anything indicating that Sam Hunt would be all that angry or do anything bad if the girl in question declined. Oh, and I know a lot will make the argument that "oh, he's just trying to get in the girl's pants." Well, then I will point you to the part where he says this:
"Whooooaaaaoaaaaooooaaaa, I don't wanna go home with you
Whooooaaaaoaaaaooooaaaa, I just wanna be alone wtih you"
Those two lines are the real selling point for me. They indicate that he just wants to show her a good time, and that even though there may not be a romantic connection, there's still that of wanting to show some compassion and have the opportunity to do the right thing, and that's gotta count for something, right?
29) Song: Thinking Out Loud
Artist: Ed Sheeran
Year-End Position: 2
I said last year that Don't was Ed Sheeran's best single to date, and I still stand by that. Thinking Out Loud, however, is a damn close second with its elegant guitar line, Sheeran's gorgeous vocal delivery, the beautiful piano melody, and every ounce of effort going in to make this song sound as just absolutely ravishing as possible, and the lyrical sentiment of wanting to grow old with someone and showing how much you love them is executed excellently (apart from the "I'll be loving you 'til we're 70" line, of course). There is one line that has always bothered me, though.
"I'll just keep on makin' the saaaaame mistaaaakes
Hopin' that you'll understaaaaaaand"
Um, I thought the point of being in a relationship and growing old with someone would be to learn from one's mistakes and learning new things about love in order to stay with that person, not to just keep on repeating the same ones, learn nothing, and just hope that your partner will be lenient enough to keep on excusing it. Yeah, that line doesn't ruin the song, but it is enough to drag it down quite a bit. Still not enough to keep me from enjoying it, though.
28) Song: Somebody
Artist: Natalie La Rose feat. Jeremih
Year-End Position: 41
Damn, this song has an incredible amount of rhythm to it. Seriously, I have listened to this song multiple times throughout this year, and never once have I not been able to withhold myself from dancing to it. The bouncy, elastic beat has a ton of groove and energy to it, Natalie's vocals have a lot of texture and softness to them, Jeremih offers up an incredibly catchy chorus which is easily his best performance to date, the lyrics of just wanting to dance alone with and have fun with one's significant other work incredibly well, and I gotta say, they succeeded pretty well in turning Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody into a club banger. Good job, guys.
27) Song: Locked Away
Artist: R. City feat. Adam Levine
Year-End Position: 40
Sugar may have worn a little thin on me after a while (I still like it, but it won't be making this list), but this one was good the first time I heard it and only got better. Man, Adam's vocal performance is just absolutely spot on. I'm definitely in the majority that says this is his best vocal performance to date. Don't get me wrong, I like his falsetto, and very rarely does it ever grate on me (looking at you, Animals), but here, it just shows the magic his lower range can work. R. City themselves are amazing here as well with their crisp, raspy vocals that still contain a lot of crispness and control in them that just add to how fantastic the melodic structure of this song is. Plus, I can really get behind the lyrical sentiment here. It's basically about needing someone to stand by your side through thick and thin, grease and gristle, joyous and emotionally torturous, the whole gambit, and really, is it wrong to want someone like that? If you said yes, what kind of heartless bastard are you? Anyway, the instrumentation definitely helps convey this emotion (as well as generally sound awesome) as it has this subtle percussion-only backbeat during the verses to let R. City show off their amazing vocals as well as this beautiful piano tune that works as both a build up to the chorus and the backing music for the chorus itself, and it meshes perfectly with both R. City and Adam Levine here. So yeah, needless to say, this song is awesome.
26) Song: Girl Crush
Artist: Little Big Town
Year-End Position: 63
Now here's a song that stirred up a lot of stupid controversy. No, the song is not actually about a lesbian hookup, and while I do see how one could see the way they make it seem like it is can be exploitative to lull the listener in as exploitative and manipulative, once you look past that, there's actually a lot to like about this song. The smoky production that feels really bluesy yet still maintains the main elements of country music, Karen Fairchild's sultry and emotional vocals that have a lot of emotional weight behind them, and even the narrative here is incredibly likable. It does tackle the issue of jealousy, but unlike Jealous, it keeps the main character possessing the jealous trait very understandable and prevents any snags that would make our main protagonist a controlling or petty bitch. Essentially, the reason for this woman's jealousy boils down to the fact that he left her for another woman because of her looks. Pretty shallow, but the framing here still works a lot, and Karen's not knowing what he sees in the other woman that he doesn't see in her works incredibly and is actually pretty touching. So yeah, looking past its "exploitativeness," pretty good song. Definitely recommend it.
Wow, what the hell made everyone turn so hard on this song? It's amazing. The handclap percussion and acoustic texture the song has bounce off of each other incredibly well, Shawn Mendes' tender vocal delivery has a lot of harmony to it, and the lyrics are just straight up wonderful. They're pretty cliched, admittedly, but it's how they take those cliches and work them into a narrative about a guy who's dealing with being torn emotionally about how he should move on from the girl who he initially fell in love with that is now causing him constant pain and suffering as well as being incredibly confused as to why he still loves her after all the torment she's caused him. He knows he has to move on and fast, or there will be some long term detrimental effects in store for him in the future. Also, on an unrelated note, Shawn Mendes is incredibly hot. Seriously, I'd make out with that, you would, too, and you know it.
24) Song: The Heart Wants What It Wants
Artist: Selena Gomez
Year-End Position: 62
This is, hands down, without a shadow of a doubt, Selena Gomez's best single to date. The pure amounts of emotion exuded by Gomez here is unreal. Seriously, you can hear her about to break down and just start uncontrollably sobbing, and it really does tug at the heartstrings. The somber feel of the instrumentation works immensely with the theme of wanting to move on from the heartbreaker who did her wrong but her heart not wanting to let go of the emotional connection her and the guy had. It's just.......oh goddammit, where are my tissues?
23) Song: Chains
Artist: Nick Jonas
Year-End Position: 68
Wow, talk about a huge improvement over Jealous. Chains is one of those songs that as soon as you hear it, you're hooked immediately. The instrumentation is dark and brooding, yet it still has a lot of cohesion and enough tightness in how eerie it is to make it work. Jonas himself puts in a powerful and intense vocal performance, and he really knows how to emote on this track, and when singing about one's internal conflict as to why a person would still love someone even with all the emotional turmoil they've put them through, that is definitely needed. This, along with Good Thing, Teacher, and Levels, shows that I really misjudged Nick. He's much more than just Jealous, and that is just truly impressive.
22) Song: Like I'm Gonna Lose You
Artist: Meghan Trainor feat. John Legend
Year-End Position: 76
Easily the best song off of Title, Like I'm Gonna Lose You is simply a delightful song. The lyrical content depicts a couple loving each other as if it could be over at any given second with such class and elegance that it's almost hard not to enjoy. Trainor's soulful delivery is easily her best performance to date, and simply sounds amazing. Not only that, but her and John Legend have oodles of chemistry here, and they are able to display a couple madly in love with each other. Combine that with the smoky instrumentation with the understated guitar line and gentle string section, and you've got a song that saved me from boarding the "fuck Meghan Trainor" train when Marvin Gaye and Dear Future Husband brought me closer to handing the conductor my ticket.
21) Song: Love Me Like You Do
Artist: Ellie Goulding
Year-End Position: 13
Okay, the Fifty Shades Of Grey soundtrack gave us two hits this year, each one representing the two main themes of the movie. The boring, creepy, and pretentious Earned It represents the more sleazy and sexual side, and this powerful, bombastic anthem represents the feeling of being head over heels in love, and of the two, this is easily the better one. There's just so much power to this chorus, and given that it stays in the chorus leaving the slower sleekness to the verses, that was an excellent decision. The instrumentation has so much melody to it that it's incredible, and those pulsing drums on the hook just sell it. Ellie has such a beautiful voice that it'd be hard to not like her on this song. As for the lyrics, a lot have scrutinized the titular line and making the criticism of "why would one make a song about wanting the same thing they already have," but I tend to see it more as Ellie saying that she wants the love that only a lover such as the one referred to in the song can provide, and in that sense, it actually works tremendously. So yeah, I like this song. Deal with it.
Dammit, Fetty Wap, between this, Trap Queen, My Way, Again, and RGF Island, please stop making songs I like in embarrassing amounts.
Thank you.
But seriously, I love 679. It's superficial and dumb in all the right ways for me. Fetty Wap has a lot of personality on the song, and while he and his Remy Boyz are admittedly trying to hook up with some chicks they met in the club and attempt to do so by bragging about how awesome they are, for one, they actually pull off convincing the listener that they are awesome (or at least I think they do), and second, they do so without any insulting lines or taking them from any other dudes, so that's a huge plus. Add to that, this beat is just full of life and energy. Take notes, DJ Mustard, THIS is how you do a minimalist beat with a few looping notes correctly. I don't even know how to explain it. It's just so slinky, bouncy, happy, well controlled, I just love it so much. Yeah, it's awesome. Fight me.
19) Song: Style
Artist: Taylor Swift
Year-End Position: 29
I really overlooked this song, didn't I? Why was I gonna leave this off? It's amazing. Taylor's performance is spot on, the production is textured, well made, has a ton of melody to it, an incredibly catchy guitar rollick, a good deal of energy, percussion that's not too light yet doesn't swallow the rest of the mix whole, and heck, even the lyrics are great here. Yeah yeah, they're your typical T-Swizzle song, but there's just this certain charm to them that just makes them work incredibly well. It's about a relationship destined to fall apart at any point, but the focus is kept on the initial rush rather than hoping for an overall happy output despite the many red flags, and staying with the former is definitely a huge plus. It's about living in the moment, and really, that's all it needed to be. It's a good song.
18) Song: The Hills
Artist: The Weeknd
Year-End Position: 10
Oh boy, this monstrosity. Normally, I'd be saying that as an insult, but here, it is all kinds of a compliment. Sure, Can't Feel My Face was an excellent song, but it was The Hills that really sold me on The Weeknd's ability as a performer, and it really encapsulates what he's all about: debauchery, heavy amounts of sex, large doses of sex, and all sorts of evil deeds without any sort of regret or contrition, and holy crap is he able to pull that persona off in this song. The evil vibe put off in the lyrics that paint him as this asshole who only cares about this girl in question when he wants to bang her and he's on tons of drugs, gives no shit about her well-being, and very well may be an abusive son of a bitch. That may seem awful, but keep this in mind: nowhere in the song is any of his behavior glorified or treated as if it has some sort of merit to it. In fact, it's quite the opposite making him look like the demon, and it does a damn great job of doing so. Adding on to that is the fantastic production with its eerie synths, heavier, more industrial sound, and overall creepy feel that just adds to how skin-crawlingly enjoyable this track really is. I do wish the bass was toned down a bit on the chorus, though. It seems to swamp out a lot of the impact and be a little too overpowering, but that's really my only complaint with the song. Besides, if we're looking for something that takes us inside the insane, twisted, and even deranged inner workings of a true narcissistic, self-absorbed sociopath, then this is it right here.
17) Song: Uptown Funk
Artist: Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars
Year-End Position: 1
You know your year in music is awesome when Uptown Funk is only number 17 on my best list. But yeah, I sang its praises back in June along with just about everybody else, and we're all still doing that, and for damn good reason because this song is fucking amazing. The incredible crunch of the hornlines, the funky bass and guitar lines, that great buildup before the chorus, the heaping amounts of energy contained within the four-and-a-half minute runtime, Bruno Mars' immensely strong vocals, the braggadocios lyrics that don't talk down to the audience but rather encourage joining in, everything about it is awesome, and it truly is a classic. I will happily let this uptown do some funking of me up.
16) Song: Centuries
Artist: Fall Out Boy
Year-End Position: 43
The first of two Fall Out Boy songs on this list, and my god, what a fucking powerhouse this song is. The explosive bombast of the chorus, Patrick Stump just singing his lungs out, the odd sample of Tom's Diner, it all somehow fits together, and combined with the lyrical content of striving to be remembered for literal increments of time by hundreds of years, it succeeds tremendously. It's no My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light 'Em Up), but it comes extremely close. Not really a lot to say here. Highly recommend checking it out if you haven't already.
15) Song: What Do You Mean?
Artist: Justin Bieber
Year-End Position: 33
Yep. I have a Justin Bieber song on my best list. And it's higher than Uptown Funk. I can already feel the pitchforks digging into my neck.
In all seriousness, though, I really do like this song. Justin Bieber had a surprising skyrocket in quality this year. Where Are Ü Now was pretty good, but it was this song, What Do You Mean?, that really sold me on the talent that Bieber's always had but has been constantly wasting up until this point. The beat is very slick with its tropical synths, pan flute, and understated piano line all creating this musical sound that makes me feel like I'm sitting by the ocean on a sandy beach in a folding chair drinking a cool, fruity drink. Bieber offers a burnt out, emotionally distressed performance that really works in his favor as he sings in a very melancholic manner about a woman unable to make up her mind in the relationship and is constantly sending mixed signals, and how it's messing with his emotions, and I actually find it pretty believable. It's pretty repetitive, sure, but I'd argue that that's symbolizing Biebs' frustration with this girl and all the strife that she's put him through. All in all, damn great song. I bet this won't piss people o-aaaaand here comes the angry mob. Oooooof course.
14) Song: Lean On/You Know You Like It
Artist: Major Lazer & DJ Snake feat. MØ/DJ Snake & AlunaGeorge
Year-End Position: 16/59
Alright, let's see what we got here. We got the female vocalist from the chorus of that awful Beg For It song offering a ghostly, soulful vocal performance, Major Lazer pitching in some slick synths with a ton of good tune to them and a drum machine that actually has a good textured beat going for it, DJ Snake giving us some of his trademark production horns and squeaks, lyrics about two old friends looking to rekindle their relationship and hang out together, and in short, the perfect recipe for being an entry on to this list. Not sure what "firing a gun" has to do with needing someone to lean on, though.
Let's be real, here, though, the real standout for the slithering emcee himself is his remix of AlunaGeorge's You Know You Like It, and holy shit, did he fucking take the thing and reassemble it into something a lot more awesome or what? The synth line that has a lot of smoothness and swell to it, the vocal loop that never gets tiring, the percussion that's able to keep up remarkably well with the energy put off by the track, AlunaGeorge's more tired and restrained vocal delivery, the lyrics about one's temptations getting the better of them but having devastating effects at the same time, everything just comes together so well, it's hard to deny. I've seen this top a few other lists, and quite frankly, it ain't hard to see why.
13) Song: Uma Thurman Artist: Fall Out Boy Year-End Position: 60
Okay, I will be upfront, this is easily Fall Out Boy's best hit song today.Yes, even better than My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light 'Em Up). The instrumentation consisting of interweaving guitars, a melodic piano line, groove-heavy drums, and a freakin' Munsters sample, seriously, how could you listen to this and not just absolutely groove out? Patrick Stump steps up to the microphone with a lot of grit and energy in his vocals, and he sounds great here. The lyrics are your standard pop rock reveling in debauchery and throwing caution to the wind in wild, reckless abandon, but when it's delivered with this much power and energy, it just works. This one was just edged off of the top 10, but it's still a damn awesome song, nonetheless.
12) Song: Want To Want Me
Artist: Jason DeRulo
Year-End Position: 17
There've been a lot of groove-heavy songs to come out this year, and of all of them, this one stuck with me the longest, and it's honestly kind of hard to believe that it came from Jason freaking DeRulo of all people. But yeah, Want To Want Me is simply an excellent song. The production has a groove that is very reminiscent of late-80s to early 90s synthpop at its best with a killer bassline, great synth hits, and percussion that manages to have a fast yet controlled tempo. Not only that, but DeRulo finally has control over his vocal range, especially his falsetto. Seriously, he sounds great here. Sure the lyrics are pretty goofy, only really amounting to wanting to have sex with a girl and the thought of being without it keeping him up all night, but Jason actually manages not to dip into outright douchebag territory and has a lot of charisma and energy that it can easily be excused. Extremely fun song, happy to see it be a hit.
11) Song: Renegades
Artist: X Ambassadors
Year-End Position: 54
This song is incredibly simple, but what few elements it does have work incredibly well. The vocals have a lot of emotion and grit in them, and they are able to hit the notes presented in the melodic structure of this song marvelously. Lyrically, it's simply about running wild and free, and with the feel of said vocals and the instrumentation, it works magnificently. The simple guitar melody has a lot of texture and groove to it, balances with the stomping hand clap percussion surprisingly well, and definitely adds to the feel of running through the woods and becoming a "renegade" in a pretty satisfactory manner. I don't care if this was ever used to advertise a Jeep model that shares its name with this song. I still love it.
10) Song: Shut Up & Dance
Artist: Walk The Moon
Year-End Position: 6
Pop rock at its absolute finest right here, Shut Up & Dance makes me want to do exactly that, and it has ever since I first heard it around this time last year. By this point, just like with Uptown Funk, nearly everyone has sung its praises, and really, what else is left to be said about this absolutely striking music? The shimmering guitars that have buckets of raw punch to them, lead vocalist Nicholas Petricca stepping up to the mic and just singing his heart out, the simple lyrics about dancing with a girl that never feel too simple or dumbed down, seriously, the whole thing is just a masterpiece.
9) Song: House Party
Artist: Sam Hunt
Year-End Position: 85
That's right, my favorite country song is a shallow party song. A shallow party song done right, mind you, but a shallow party song, nonetheless.
Sam Hunt, how do so many people dislike you?
.....oh. Okay, well, outside of that single, why do people dislike this guy? He has tons of charisma, he has a pretty smooth voice, and unlike most artists in the modern bro-country movement, he actually tries to make good music, for better or for worse, and this song definitely falls into the former category. It's not as enticing as Leave The Night On from last year was, but I'll be damned if I hear a country song that's more fun than this. Seriously, rollicking guitars, a solid banjo melody, a bunch of drive and force behind it, Hunt having incredible amounts of passion, seriously, it's incredible here. Add on to that that the lyrics are pretty sweet, too. It's about Sam and a girl wanting to have fun, but she doesn't really feel like going out to do so, so Sam has the brilliant idea of bringing the fun to her and, you guessed it, knitting sweaters. Lol, JK, they have a wild house party, and I gotta say, this really captures the feel of what being at a really good house party would be like. I can just see it now. All the pizza, the soda, the loud, pumping music that gets everybody in the room going, an energetic atmosphere, nearly everything there is to have at a house party, and I gotta say, this is stunning. Keep up the good work, Hunt.
8) Song(s): Cool For The Summer/Love Me Harder/Slow Motion
Artist(s): Demi Lovato/Ariana Grande feat. The Weeknd/Trey Songz
Year-End Position(s): 53/56/64
And for this entry, we have what I like to call the sexy trio. That's right, where songs like She Knows and Earned It failed to convey sexy and Good For You did a decent job of it but could've done better, these three songs delivered that mood perfectly, and all in different ways, too.
Let's start off with Cool For The Summer, easily the most fun of the three. Seriously, this song is a straight up banger. That nasty-in-a-good-way guitar riff, the misty synths, the powerful, driving force of the percussion, it all mixes wonderfully, and Lovato's softer vocals during the verses and straight up dominant delivery that is demanding of your attention works like hell. Add on to that that Demi just sells the whole lesbian fling thing, and the whole "this ain't the type of shit you can run home and tell your mama about" vibe fits masterfully. It may be called Cool For The Summer, but this song's honestly awesome all year round.
Next, we have Love Me Harder, easily the most sensual of the three. Ariana may look and sound young, but that in no way inhibits her from pulling off this seductive and sultry vibe that she puts off in this song. Her softer, more cooing delivery balanced out by The Weeknd's more emotional and alto ranged performance mixes perfectly not only with the beat that has the synths balance with both the percussion and with each other perfectly to create an incredible melody and atmosphere, but also with the subject matter of the sexual frustration and tension that can come between two lovers and each party doing their best to overcome that barrier. Yet again, it's a song everyone's already expressed their admiration for, and again, it's not hard to see why.
Finally, we have Slow Motion, easily the most relaxed and, if I'm being honest, best of the three songs. That liquid guitar line sounds gorgeous, and balanced with everything else in the production including the textured percussion, synths that have a good amount of swell to them, and gang vocals that even they fit, oddly enough, it is easily the highlight. Trey just sounds so chilled out in this song, and that falsetto sounds amazing. As for lyrical content, it's Trey and his girl just relaxing, having some sex, smoking some weed, and drinking a little. Nothing too wild, nothing really boring, juuuust the right setting for some late night love making. This is easily Trey Songz's best song to date, and it absolutely baffles me that one of the four writers was Mr. "let's Marvin Gaye and get it on," himself.
7) Song: Blank Space
Artist: Taylor Swift
Year-End Position: 7
Now here, we have not only have the best song off of 1989, but also Taylor Swift's best single to date. Seriously, this is a truly mind-blowing song. First off, that production is amazing. It's icy, reverb-saturation actually works in creating this chilly setting that creates the mood perfectly. The chiming synths create this eerie feel, the trap percussion has a good rhythmic beat to it, and that bass drop during the chorus is just epic. Swift's more staccato vocal performance only enhances the creepy-but-in-a-good-way vibe being put off by the song as there's a certain charm to its foreboding nature that I can really appreciate. What's really grabbing, though, is the lyrics. Taylor frames herself as this bloodthirsty heartbreaker that only wants to see her dates in emotional distress and will do everything to lure them in, only to shatter their soul later on down the line. The malicious framing and self-awareness works to a level I never thought possible. It's like a colleague of mine once said on Twitter: "A surprisingly dark song by Taylor's standards, Blank Space is a twisted story of a borderline psychopath that through great imagery, moody production, and Taylor's impressive vocal acting, proves to work tremendously." Couldn't have said it better myself, Scribblenaut of Flames.
6) Song: Time Of Our Lives
Artist: Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo
Year-End Position: 39
I've never really hated Pitbull, honestly. He's always had that sort of charm to his sleaze that was hard to deny. One thing he's (for the most part) excelled at was making dumb party music, but here, he actually made something you don't see all too often from anyone, let alone him: smart party music. No kidding, Pitbull, of all people, made a dance song that actually has a lot of wit and cleverness to it, and not only that, has an excellent message behind it. In essence, this song is about going through tough times and just having what fun you can before it all comes crumbling apart before you. That's something that a lot of people can relate to. In this song, Pit raps about only having 20 bucks left, but using it to have whatever good time he has left to its fullest. Some would argue that he's wasting the 20 bucks he could be spending on bills and rent and such, it's evident within the song that unlike in songs like Starships or This Is How We Do where they clearly advocate for not paying one's rent despite having an abundance of money, Pitbull doesn't have enough for nearly any of his bills, so instead of putting the money he has toward something that would essentially be a moot point, he is going to use it to enjoy himself and forget about the worries that the world will inevitably have in store for him in the future. Not only that, but Mr. 305 himself actually takes some time to give some comforting words to the audience before the audience.
"This for anybody goin' through tough times
Believe me, been there, done that
But everyday above ground is a great day, remember that"
That's.....actually pretty touching. Thank you, Armando, for your kind words.
Combine that with the great production with its muffled synths, unrelenting energetic feel, amplitude of interweaving melodies, and overall great feel, Pitbull's amazing flow, Ne-Yo pouring his heart into his performance that more than makes up for the atrocity that was She Knows, and you've got the perfect party song concoction.
5) Song: Downtown
Artist: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Eric Nally, Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, & Grandmaster Kaz
Year-End Position: 84
Want To Want Me may have had the grooves that stuck with me the longest, but this one had the best ones, hands down. This song is a mess, but it's a mess that you'd never want to clean up because it's just so colorful and good looking. The instrumentation is varied with all sorts of different switch ups in melody and groove, and they all transition into each other wonderfully. It's a simple song about riding a moped down the neighborhood, but Macklemore's more relaxed flow works incredibly well as he just has the sheer cockiness and confidence needed to pull this off, and the slew of old school gangsta rappers he recruits for this song are just phenomenal. The real star of this show, though, is Eric Nally, who provides one of the best choruses of the entire year, no contest. He just has so much force and grit in his voice, and man, the pipes on this dude are just powerful as fuck. Easily the grooviest song of the year, Mack proves that he's still got it, and I'm more than looking forward to that next album.
4) Song: Honey, I'm Good
Artist: Andy Grammer
Year-End Position: 25
Oh, if I didn't have pitchforks at my neck for having Bieber on the list, I certainly do now. I've heard a lot argue that this song tries to make Andy out to be some sort of grand moral hero for simply refusing to cheat, but I don't see that at all. For one, he's knowing his limits with the alcohol, and when you've had them pumping into your system nonstop as implied in this song, that's pretty damn impressive. Moreover, he never addresses his current girlfriend in the song, so that's one huge plus. Also, he acknowledges that although men with stronger wills than him have given in to this sort of temptation, he still has to remain strong and decide not to go along with boning this other woman. Finally, the whole "if he loves his girlfriend so much, why is he out without her" criticism is just ridiculous. How do you know that she wasn't okay with him going out and having a little fun by himself every now and again? Huh? Oh, wait, you don't. So that argument's out the window. So yeah, it's a song about overcoming one's impulses and remaining faithful to his/her lover even in the face of adversity. Sure, it's an obvious moral, but hey, in an era where songs encouraging disloyalty and cheating are all the more prevalent, especially nowadays, I'll take what I can get. Oh, and the plucky, upbeat instrumentation with its solid harmonica, bouncy combo of handclaps and bass, organ lines, and Grammer's charismatic, energetic vocal delivery make this a song that's peppy as all hell, but at the same time, incredibly difficult to get mad at, and I'm bewildered so many people did.
Welcome back, Adele. We've all missed you dearly.
This was a total surprise given how late in the year this debuted at #1 and how few weeks it needed to land on the year-end chart, and I'm glad it did because this is easily Adele's best single to date. The reverb swallowed drums, the effortless yet potent piano work, and the church bells all create this great aura, and it mixes fabulously with Adele's lower register in her singing. The songwriting is nothing to sneeze at as it's Adele trying to reconnect with a past lover, recalling good times they used to have together, and trying to apologize for all the times she's hurt him, all while keeping her painted in a very mature light. It would all be destined to be at the top of this list if it weren't for two other songs. Wanna know what they are?
2) Song: Here
Artist: Alessia Cara
Year-End Position: 94
Okay, this song right here. This song. Right here. There is not a single element to it that feels non-cohesive or disjointed. Instrumentation-wise, this song has a very hazy, bluesy feel with its light guitar line, dark, smoky synths and horns, heavier piano keys that play off of the lighter, more skittering keys excellently, and it really sets the mood of a party just clouded with marijuana smoke. Speaking of which, Cara really has some serious chops behind a microphone, and her more soulful, somber delivery really adds a lot to the more downtempo feel of the song. Finally, we have the subject matter, and oh dear lord, does it fucking deliver or what? On the surface, it's pretty pretentious as it appears to be about looking at others at the party and just pointing out the flaws in it and wanting to leave, thus making our main protagonist look like a total bitch. However, if you look a little deeper into the song, you'll find that's it's actually about being at a party where you've had your fun and you're just trying to simmer down and relax for a little bit, but others around you keep invading your space, peers are talking unnecessary loads of trash (possibly about you or people you know and/or are friends or family members with), there's all sorts of alcohol and illegal substances that are taking their tolls on the party-goers around you, and you just wanna find the exit as fast as you can. It's relatable as hell, and I dare you not to just want to join Alessia in her quiet place in the corner given the setting she describes in the song. Really, that's what really gets me to like this song: it's detail. This could've just been a phoned in "I'm better than these people because they're partiers and I'm not" song, but Cara doesn't really say that she is better or that the people at the party are all that bad of people, but just that the situation she's in is really uncomfortable, and that's a lot easier to sympathize with. Even still, there's one more song to go, and quite frankly, anyone who follows me on Twitter (shameless plug) already knows what song that is.
1) Song: See You Again
Artist: Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth
Year-End Position: 3
I've loved this song from the moment I heard it, and months later, it has only gotten more and more beautiful with each subsequent listen. The production here is dazzling, a simple piano line that has a lot of melody and really captures the touching nature of a song like this, and the low hum and rougher flow of the drumbeat definitely add to that feel. The lyrical content feels like a conversation one would have standing near a lost one's casket and essentially having a conversation with them about how much they're missed and that they hope to see this person again someday in Heaven. It's a primitive concept for songs like these, but Wiz Khalifa just owns it (no pun intended) with his delivery that perfectly encapsulates the aforementioned casket conversation. Wiz may not have known Paul Walker personally, but it sure feels like he did in this song. Seriously, how are people calling this a cheap cash grab? I don't get it. Really, though, the main star here is Charlie Puth. Seriously, someone give this guy a medal for providing what is easily the best chorus of the year. He really knows how to emote, and his breathier, shakier vocals that make him sound like he's on the verge of tears really work. Man, I'd like this guy to have a hit of his ow-
Oh yeah. Right. Okay, maybe his third single will be bett-
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