REVIEW: This Is How We Roll by Florida Georgia Line & Luke Bryan

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbxuXq_981s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KctTCSLLXKQ



Bro country, die. Just...die. You are useless, and we no longer need you.

So yeah, Florida Georgia Line, what is there really to say about them? They started off pretty decent with songs like Get Your Shine On, 'Round Here, and heck, I even like the original version of Cruise. However, over time, they just became more and more generic and lost the qualities that made them decent.

This brings us to This Is How We Roll, the song on the table today. Did I mention that bro country needs to die? Well, it does, and songs like this are a prime example. Songs like this are nothing more than homogenous and generic crap talking about the stereotypical country music topics of women, trucks, beer, etc., and pandering to the masses that only care if those topics are mentioned. It's not that good of a song. The instrumentation is clunky, the lead singer sounds like he's forcing a southern accent, Luke Bryan (an artist who I think is pretty good) barely gets any time to sing, and it all fails.

Of course, I'm sure FGL, Luke Bryan, and anyone involved with the making of this song knew that, so what do they do? They make a remix of it. Gee, didn't see that coming. This time they recruit Jason DeRulo (dammit, DeRulo, why do you keep doing this to me?). Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with this, but there's just one problem: THE SONG ALREADY HAS A GUEST ARTIST!!!!! Seriously, as much as I like Luke Bryan, wasn't he enough? Once again, just like with what happened with the remix of Cruise, unnecessary autotune, overly used synths, and EDM beats are added to make it a more poppy song. The difference between this and Cruise (Remix), however, is the core song here wasn't that good to begin with. And do I even have to mention how irrelevant DeRulo's verse is? I thought Nelly's verse on the remix of Cruise added nothing, but at least he stuck to the topic of the song. In this case, however, FGL talk about them picking up chicks because of how country they are whereas DeRulo talks about picking up chicks because of how "gangsta" he is. News flash, DeRulo: YOU'RE NOT GANGSTA!!! Even worse, he takes, like, half of Luke Bryan's verse. Bryan wasn't given that much time to sing in the original, and Jason DeRulo really had no business taking any of it. Besides, no matter how much you like or hate Luke Bryan, you have to admit that he is a much better fit for the little interlude he does than DeRulo will ever be.

Overall, I give the original a 2 out of 5 for at least being somewhat catchy, and the remix a big, fat 0 out of 5.

REVIEW: Wiggle by Jason DeRulo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiP14ED28CA&feature=kp

Here's something you thought you'd never hear out of me: I don't hate Jason DeRulo. In fact, I kinda like him. In the vast majority of his songs, I found myself blown away at how much energy he brought to the table, either in the emotion of his delivery (Whatcha Say, Marry Me, etc.) or in his choice of instrumentation (The Other Side, Don't Wanna Go Home, etc.). One unfair criticism of Mr. DeRulo is that a lot of the material he provides is nothing more than stupid and asinine, and even I'll admit, he isn't a good lyricist. That said, however, contrary to what the popular belief is, stupid doesn't always equal bad. Songs like Red Solo Cup by Toby Keith, I Love It by Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX, and pretty much anything in Weird Al Yankovic's discography are incredibly stupid, but they're still great songs. Now, don't get me wrong, stupid can also be utterly butchered, and you can see examples of that in The Fox and the Harlem Shake from last year. However, I never took DeRulo seriously, and I guess that's why I never really had a huge issue with him. I didn't even mind his overuse of autotune and stunning lack of personality.

Now, with all that said, you'd think I would enjoy his latest hit song, Wiggle. To that, I respond with this: Oh boy oh boy are you wrong.

Remember what I said about Jason having a lot of energy in his songs? Well, there's not an ounce to be found here. I would've been able to forgive the idiotic lyrics ("go 'head, go ham sammich." I rest my case), but the beat is so boring and grating that I can't get past them. The barely there instrumentation pretty much forces you to focus on the lyrics. Oh, and I wasn't kidding about him being a good lyricist, because these lyrics are beyond imbecilic. If they were any good, they'd be a redeeming quality to this song. They aren't, though, so they're not. Lastly, let's not forget that awkward pause after he says "you know what to do with that big fat butt." To me, that awkward pause represents the people who helped in the making of this song thinking "Dear God, he didn't just say that, did he?" Finally, there's Snoop's verse, which can be described using the following four words: monotonous, boring, lame, disgusting.

Overall, Wiggle is an unlistenable mess with absolutely nothing saving it from being terrible. I give it a 0 out of 5, and it's really sad I have to because I know Jason DeRulo can do so much better, but that's the way the cookie crumbles I guess.

(Note: Just because I give a song a negative rating doesn't mean I will look down on or bash anyone who happens to enjoy said song I gave the aforementioned negative rating towards. Please keep that in mind if you see me give a high rating to a song you dislike.)